I would have to tell them I have no idea what I am. And if it comes right down to it, I'm nothing at all. Sometimes, and I have truly thought this, I'm only every rotten thing anyone has told me I am. I'm not saying this for sympathy, but it's the truth. You asked. Even my name, I look at it, write it, say it and I have no idea who that person is.
I love your honesty here @Kitty Carmel. Inside of you is a wonderful and unique person who you just haven't taken time to discover yet. I hope you will go deep inside yourself and start letting the beautiful person you are bloom forth. It will be so worth getting to know who you really are.
Babs is so right about discovering who you really are, @Kitty Carmel. It is so liberating, and you might not know just who you are right now, but you know what and who you are not. Start there. I started on a self evaluating journey three years ago, just after I lost my son and husband, to see who, what, or if there even was a “me”. It has taken some hard thinking time to find out who I am as an individual, but I’m starting to find a self I can understand and even like. The people on this forum, with kindness and patience, have allowed me to voice my confusion, and their support has given me the courage to look as deeply as I needed. You’re already part of us, (the forum), so let us get to know more of you.
I am a bowl of veggie soup. A mixture of many different flavors, and textures. My mixture contains many things I like, and several I do not. As to whether, I am edible depends your bread of choice, smooth and soft, or warm and crusty, Topped off with a fine aged wine that is smooth but yet, tickles the throat on its way down. I am many things, not just one.
I am discovering that I am pretty much who I have always been. I am still a quiet and often shy woman who loves babies and family just as I was and did when I was young. I am still pretty much a loner and introvert who loves reading, good movies, and music. I would still rather be with one person at a time...instead of a crowd. And I still want and need plenty of time to myself. I still would rather write or type out my thoughts, etc. than speak them orally. I still am steadfast in my faith and the things I hold to be true...even more so then when I was a child and learning what my beliefs were. I still believe that loving and being loved is the best gift we could ever give or receive. I have learned that I'm not happy or at peace when I say "yes" to someone when I really want to say "no"...so my seasons of being a people pleaser are pretty much over with and I have grown up enough to have the confidence to say "no" now when I am not up to doing something...or just don't want to do it. I am still a plain and simple woman who just like when I was a child did not like to dress up much or as I got older wear much make up...nor have I changed in the fact that I will not follow fads in clothing, etc. ...but look for comfort in clothing and my likes or dislikes in other things. I am loyal, honest, and trustworthy to those I give my heart too. And I am still curious and love to learn about things that catch my interest. I am just an older and more mature version of who I have always been...and I am content and at peace because I am myself and not always trying to be what society or someone else thinks or says I should be. I also am more outspoken now and not afraid to voice my opinions...now that I know what those opinions are.
We are, I think, the totality of all those roles we have played in phases of our life, all those personalities we have portrayed. In sum, we are actors on life's stage.
I absolutely agree, @Bill Boggs . I couldn't have said it better myself. I mean that in the best way possible.