Hello.... I'm hoping to get some advice to help me deal with a vey complicated situation. It started about 10 years ago... actually 30+ years ago when I met my husband. Without too many boring details, I'll sum it up by saying it has not been a good marriage at all. I have never had the courage to leave and I guess I did the 'ol "stuck with him for the sake of the kids". To leave now would not be wise since we are in a financial crisis and I could lose a lot of much needed funds. To get back to why I first said it all started about 10 years ago, well that's when I met an old HS classmate on line. We didn't know each other in HS, but became chat friends and that lead to falling in love and eventually we met and spent four amazing days together. That was three years ago. Neither one of us is financially able to afford regular visits...we are nearly 2,500 miles apart. We are both still in love, but he seems to have become a bit distant in the last year or so. He says it's his new job (but, it actually started before the new job)... he's always so tired and finds it difficult to hold a conversation. We chat on line every single day and talk on the phone as often as possible. I have been hoping for another chance to spend some time with him, but he's not sure if he can manage a trip financially. He literally has nothing. Lost his house and lives with family. Here's the issue that brought me to this forum: he told me yesterday that he has a lunch date with a coworker today. And even though he assured me that he still loves me, I'm devastated. I know it's wrong for me to expect him to be completely dedicated to me, but I just can't help feeling hurt and jealous. I don't want to lose him even as just platonic friends. I'm afraid my feelings will destroy anything we can have beetween us. We have made so many beautiful memories over the years. I can't imagine life without him in it. My heart is breaking...
So sorry to hear you are so down but I can only answer as if I were in your shoes In those shoes, I would give up on this relationship as I see it going nowhere In your shoes I would find an alternative route. If you have given up on the marriage you have, find something to distract you and make new friends There is plenty of opportunity to expand your horizons out there and I hope you will think about that. Good luck on a new adventure of life
That's a tough one and complicated but you're still married, right? I also agree with what Patsy Faye said. I know it's hard especially when all we want to do is have a happy life in our later years...
Hello, and welcome to the forum, @J. Thomas ! It sounds like you have decisions to make that only you are going to be able to really decide; but we are certainly all here for you to at least listen to your story, and help out where we can. Since you only listed a first initial, it would be helpful if we know what name you like to be called ? As I understand your post, you are married right now, and not planning on leaving your husband or getting a divorce. The longtime friend/classmate lives a long way away from you, and has no plans to move either, and neither of you can travel to see the other. It appears to me that keeping him as a friend might be the best option all around. If the romance is falling apart, and that is the relationship you choose to have, then you will lose him altogether, and I would guess that it is also hard on your life together with your husband since you are still married and living together.
Yes, still married, but it's nothing more than roommates. He has no interest in anything except spending time on the computer and playing golf. He won't play golf with me because I'm not as good as he is.
It is - but you could waste so many years ahead You are dwelling on what could have been, please try and think ahead to what could be waiting for you
Thank you for your reply. I'd give almost anything to be able to leave my marriage, but it's just not financially a good time. Maybe he's been patiently waiting to see if I would leave my marriage, although he knows my position.
Thank you, Joe. But at my age I feel like it would be difficult to start again especially since this man is no doubt the love of my life and I've invested 10 years in the relationship. Maybe it will be too difficult to just be friends....I don't know...
If both of you are unable to initiate a relationship with each other, then I think that just remaining friends is the best choice. You do not want him badly enough to lose the lifestyle you have right now, and he seems to be feeling the same way; otherwise, you would both give up what you have and find a way to be together.
I didn't get into it in my original post, but I let him go once and it was so incredibly difficult. It was just a friendship at the time and he was dating a lunatic. I helped him with all the issues he had with her. She did not like that we were friends, so I let him go so he could be with her. After some time he realized I was right and he left her and resumed contact with me. It was shortly after that, that we realized were in love with each other.