Something to think about: The lady had already spent a few days with this guy. Where was her husband? Her and this guy just didn’t sit around and talk the whole time, they spent the entire day and night together! IOW, same bed and so on. She stated how he made her feel great, “great” meaning talking and ... She said her husband is a jealous man, yet she is jealous about this other man having lunch with a co-worker. People like this WANT and REQUIRE sympathy from everyone, so they can keep doing what they are doing. Well, I’m sympathetic towards those that truly need it. Probably what this lady needs is some Tough Love dealing with her husband and marriage. One other thing, and it’s ok, but anyone could tell the BIG sympathizers on this forum.....please stand and be acknowledged! LOL
I’m pretty sure that Ken is stating that sometimes we, as humans, oversimplify what a person is by placing a label upon them which might negate the rest of what a person truly is. Instead of looking at the picture as a whole, we key hole the entirety of a person by looking at a singular event, occupation, trait or what have you. For instance and in keeping with the OP: What do we truly know about @J. Thomas? 1. She’s over 50 so should have some life experiences to share. 2. Judging from her writing ability, she’s educated and probably has a decent IQ. 3 . She is married to a fairly successful man which makes her heterosexual. 4. She has nurtured and raised a couple of much loved kids who have been taught to seek a good education. 5. She has some marital problems. There’s more but everyone gets the gist. There’s so much more to a human that what is readily in your face. J. Thomas came here and yes, did open a can of worms but to simply come to the conclusion that her affair defines her is absolutely preposterous. Not to mention any name in particular, but one person would have us believe that an error in judgment dealing with one’s moral life qualifies as a reason to ostracize someone which is equally preposterous. J. certainly didn’t do anything wrong by coming here nor did she do anything wrong whilst she was here but alas, she was run off by some pretty near sighted observations. For me, I would rather be surrounded in a room full of atheists than be alone with a single overly judgmental person who believes themself to be sinless. Ken merely pointed out by using himself and his late daughter as an example, that if we concentrate on a single fact concerning a person we might be missing out on who that person really is. In truth, he could have used any of us as an example because everyone of us has had a dark moment or even years in our lives but it shouldn’t be the absolute definition of who we are.
Hummm, these are the kind of threads that can bring out “the good, the bad and the ugly” in both the OP and people replying.
If you read my earlier post to J ...you might notice I did not point finger at her for any sins or ect....why....because that is not the issue. The issue is She has a very low self esteem of herself and that is what has aided her in staying in the miserable life she has. With proper help and therapy she will be able to rid herself of both of them. Btw...Lord only knows what sins we all have commmited in our lifetime....none of us are any better than her or each other in that case.
True, but why and what is so special about the topic at hand that might bring you or anyone else to rebuke the lady so as to run her off? Instead of being so passionate about how you feel or believe, why not show some compassion concerning her feelings. She didn’t ask about right nor wrong because she already knows the difference, but rather she asked for someone to step into her shoes for just a moment and give a fair observation. To think about it, I really LIKE the fact that she brought the subject up and told her story the way she did. A little at a time with just enough information in order to enact a response and What a response she got! Whether she just planted the subject for a few giggles or is an honest person with a definite problem, it does bring to light a little more information or confirmation about each other that we didn’t have prior to it’s posting.
Good posts @Bobby Cole the penultimate one is one of the best I've ever read on here... Cody I don't want to attack you, you're right in what you say in some ways, but the lady was clearly in emotional pain, and you were not in the least empathetic... Until you walk in someone else's shoes, you will never learn to be, either.. I am a shoot from the hip person myself, but here on the forum, you get more time to think before you speak, so by all means stick with your own beliefs, but try to be kinder to the next person who comes along asking for help.. it's not difficult..
You got 1 life mope and lose it or go for it, your already in the ditch to far to get back on the marriage road, comes a time that you need to look at your age and ask honestly if health good how much longer, make use of that if it is worth it been there done that! Was not worth it at all to remain, so many doors opened I could not count them in 90 days.