Bullying will never stop, no matter what the "bullying" is about. Heck, when I was in high school, I was "bullied" due to how skinny I was (98 lbs), but of course, back then it wasn't called "bullying", it was called "teasing" and wasn't as brutal as today. In fact, some of my classmates still remember those that did "bully" me and have told me how sorry they are that that happened to me. Oh well, I've never been a fighter, so had to put up with it back then.
One of my GD started new school in new part of the state. Not sure what happened but she was bullied yesterday and now has a rather nasty looking skinned arm. Just don't understand why people can get along better.
Well, for one thing, Gloria, there are areas of the U.S. that are much more tolerant of different things than others. Some kids simply like to find out if a certain kid will "stand up for themselves", and if the kid doesn't, the "picking on" can continue. There are parents, and even grandparents, that aren't "tolerable" of certain things and somehow install those feelings into their kids/grandkids. As far as you GD goes, you really need to find out more about what happened. Not saying your GD was at fault, but knowing the entire story of what happened can be better.
Today's anti-bullying agenda is more about imposing an LGBTQ agenda on school children, but actual bullying has taken place throughout the history of mankind. If we're honest with ourselves, I think most of us have been on both sides of bullying. As Cody says, it was known as teasing and, for the most part, it was good natured, although not everyone took it that way. It was also, I think, an important part of growing into an adult who is able to handle issues of unfairness and real life. I was teased because I stuttered, and sometimes because I was short, when everyone else kept growing after I stopped, but I was also on the other side of the teasing. Some kids react more strongly to teasing than others and, of course, some teasing crosses the line into cruelty, but I dismiss the modern idea that all teasing is cruelty. Children who never learn to deal with such things as children aren't likely to be able to handle more important things that they will have to confront as adults. We see this in people who were over-sensitive as children, but we also see it in those who were never teased as children, either because they were from a wealthy family, were attractive, and popular. Some of these people are unable to handle downturns in their lives as adults because they never had to deal with them as children. An important role for parents is to direct their children into becoming thoughtful, caring, reasonable, and successful adults. Teachers should have a smaller role to play, but children's lives should not be so completely directed as to deprive them of real-life experiences that they will need for a real life.
Sometimes "parenting" and "bullying" can depend on what the father is like. If a father is a mechanic of some type, which can be hard/tough physical work, he can easily teach his kids to be like him...….hard and tough. If a father is an Accountant or works in some other kind of office thing, the "hard and tough" won't be there nearly as much. The mother can be the same way, either work in a nice cushy office, or, like one lady I knew years and years ago, drove a Mixer Truck. My step-dad worked full-time in a lumber yard, cutting lumber and delivering lumber. He was strong and fairly strong minded. He didn't care how much my step-mom didn't like his swearing, he was going to do it anyway. He tried very hard to make me a "tough" type person, but it just didn't work. I done some "tough" type things in my life, but not nearly as "tough" as what he did. Probably the biggest problem is, there are kids in schools that learn "intolerance" from their parents, because there parents don't like certain things in life. Now, I do have to add this...….. there was a kid on my bus, named Jeff, who, when I sat in front of him on the bus, would flip my ear with his middle finger and thumb. Jeff's grandfather was the bus driver and would constantly tell Jeff "ok, knock it off", when I turn around and tell Jeff to stop it. FINALLY, the last day I would ride the bus to school (towards the end of my Senior year and I finally got my DL and insurance for a car I had bought and had repaired), I had to sit in front of Jeff and he flipped my ear. Without even thinking, I made a fist and swung around and hit dear old Jeff right in the face. He didn't cry, but was totally stunned. So stunned, he done nothing. His grandpa, looked up in the large rear view mirror and said "You've been asking for this for a long time and it finally happened." When his grandpa picked us up from school, Jeff had a little bit of a black eye and actually apologized to me. I was so, so proud of myself and so was Jeff's grandpa.
I had 1 issue in school of a person we just did not mix and a year older, he started dropping books on my desk as he walked by the 3rd time he hit me in the head with one, before I knew it I had jumped up and dragged a Bic pen across his face cutting it open about 3" and then kicked him in his groin then face as he bent over, he had a funny stare at me and never said a word, it never happed again, at the only reunion I ever attended he was there, he never spoke but had the scar very plainly was still there.
IMO bullying is wrong and as adults, we should do whatever we can to spread that message. I also believe that we should teach children age-appropriate ways of dealing with bullying and defending themselves when all else fails. Finally, I think that we should end the notion that every kid gets a cookie and a trophy for just showing up. Growing up is all about learning how to deal with the things that life throws at us. It is unfair to try and shield kids from these challenges when they are young and then be shocked when they have trouble handling the ups and downs of everyday life as adults.
Unfortunately these days, the kid that fights back gets punished more that the initial perpetrator. When I was a boy, a certain amount of fighting happened, was expected, and, as long as there was no serious damage and it was not on school grounds, everyone turned a blind eye to things and let the "pecking order" sort itself out. Now, however, the person defending themselves form bullying is the one who gets into trouble---just as in the NFL when someone is fouled, any response is what is penalized, not the real foul. Social Media bullying is common today and didn't exist in my history, and seems to be mostly focused on girls. Females have always been much more "clique-oriented" than boys. Girls who were on the "out" with the popular girls were harassed, excluded, and looked down upon. In my history, boys were not that way and , if excluded from one group, always found a home with another group of friends. I had two groups of friends in high school--one consisted of my intellectual peers, and we did sedate, intellectual things, while the other group consisted of outdoors-types who went hunting, fishing, boating, camping and other fun stuff. I enjoyed both groups, and they fulfilled my diverse needs and interests as a young man. I think "modern kids" just put too much emphasis on the group they belong to and not enough emphasis on enjoying life and leading a satisfied existence, even if you do it alone.
I attended a small-town high school and didn't see the kind of cliques that others have experienced, or at least we didn't have names for them. The guys who were into sports tended to hang around with one another because, between games and practice, they knew one another better than they did the rest of us, and had interests in common, but I never felt like there were any tensions between them and anyone else. I had friends who played sports, but I didn't spend as much time with them as I did others. There was some separation of those who took what we referred to as the "dummy classes" and belonged to the agricultural clubs, not that there was anything wrong with agriculture since most of us grew up on farms, but they tended to be the same people who were in the dummy classes. For one thing, most of their classes were in the basement. I can't think of anyone actually giving them a hard time about it, or mentioning to their face that they were in the dummy classes, probably because they could beat the crap out of the rest of us, but there was a separation there. There were some who were snobs, always looking for reasons to look down upon someone else. Of course, I didn't view my own disdain for those in the dummy classes as being in any way related. I still remember a moment of triumph in my sophomore or junior year when one of the more snobby girls reprimanded me for making a joke in class, saying, "Can't you ever take anything seriously?," and I was able to point out that I was doing better than she was, as I had just looked at everyone's grades earlier that week. In that period of my high school career, I enjoyed pretending that I couldn't care less about anything that anyone was trying to teach me while, at the same time, studying pretty hard at home and maintaining pretty good grades. I guess it made me feel smarter to act like I was doing well without even trying. There were fights in high school but they were between individuals rather than groups. The only fights that I was aware of between groups were between schools. No one ever got hurt seriously but there were some good fights between Stephenson and Menominee. These took place outside of school though and were only peripherally related to school, as they sometimes occurred after games. Fighting was not something that I was ever involved in, but a few carloads of us went to a dance in Marinette, Wisconsin one weekend and there was a fight between the people I had come with and the locals. Having been in Boy Scouts, I knew several of the guys from Marinette because our Wallace troop often shared a campsite with the Marinette troop, so I stood on the sidelines talking to some of the guys I knew from Marinette, then piled in the car when the fight was over. Only a couple of people noticed that I wasn't fighting.
The only bullying I suffered was...lousy at any sport...and was always last picked. Then by 4th grade...boob bullied.I was the Only girl in all the fourth grade classes who wore a bra and totally filled it. This carried over into jr high to where snickers, pointing and general wise crack stuff happened.I was not huge, but was endowed more than the mosquito bite they were carying around.
Back in my day you were told to handle bullies on your own. My dad taught me to fight and encouraged me to play contact sports and excel in them. I was in a class for gifted students, most who were bullied. I showed bullies my willingness to fight them even if I thought I would lose. Turns out that bullies really do not want to risk getting hurt so they move on to easier targets. I never let anyone bully me and I started the biggest bully magnets in my new school; started the Chess, A/V and computer clubs. I tried to protect those in my class and clubs and it worked pretty good. I would talk to the bully and tell him that he was picking on my friends. That usually worked since I was all a starter on the football team. As for teasing; there is a very good way to handle it and stop it. People tease to get a reaction out of you, not others. What I always did was laugh at myself and show that their teasing had no effect on me. If you tease yourself, others will not do so and if they do, just laugh along with them. I am very self confident and what others think of me never bothered me because I knew what I was and capable of. My humor was often self deprecating so I would beat them to the punch.
As a kid, we moved so many times that any school I went was considered temporary, or at least I considered them temporary. With so many moves I had to prove myself almost anywhere we went which is one of the many reasons I left my dad’s parentage so early in life. One one good thing my dad did for me was to instill his rules in regard to my interaction with other kids. Never start anything because if I did, he would meet me at the door with belt in hand. If someone started something and if I lost the “disagreement”, he would meet me at the door, again, with belt in hand. If someone started something and if I didn’t finish it to the degree that there was no doubt who the victor was, the same as above. The bottom line is that I didn’t wish to provoke anyone perchance an altercation would occur because the consequences were so severe. Notably, I’m an introvert which has some challenges all by itself but if someone wished to bully or tease me, doing nothing about it wasn’t at all an option because I really believed that it would be considered a loss and an act of cowardice so in short, it was on! Although I do not agree with the methods of my dad’s madness, there was indeed something to be learned and practiced. If kids knew that there were some real consequences for their part in teasing or bullying others and not some idiosyncratic pat on the back, there might be a little less of it. All that said, as @Don Alaska directed, those who defend themselves in today’s less than civilized scholastic arena are often chastised beyond any reasonable degree which to me, is when a good parent needs to step in and with extreme vigor.
Ok, was going to leave this out, but now have to put it in...….. The little boy that committed suicide due to being "bullied" at school for being gay. His mother has told different news media's that she wants "bullying" to stop. All I could think of to say to my wife was, "just isn't going to happen". I don't know the complete story here, but if the boy was in fact gay and showed different physical things that would portray him as gay, he could have trouble in school.
BTW, this thread isn't about "gay bashing", but it's pretty obvious that there are school students that will "bully" due to this and other reasons.
Gay or not, any boy who is an introvert, weak, or even slightly effeminate will eventually be pushed around by physical and / or verbal means. Confidence in one’s own ability to overcome any and all persecution is hard to come by but the parents have a duty to help instill said confidence in their children and do whatever it takes to do so. Home schooling may be the best answer in regard to instilling knowledge, but it will not teach a child how to act / react to situations that society presents on all fronts.