Rarely, are there answers that will cover everyone in every situation. When we aren't really interested in a solution, that's what we sometimes look for. Raised to be reasonable people, able to defend themselves, and to know when it's necessary to do so, kids generally work things out for themselves. Just as parents are expected to exert a degree of authority and control at home, teachers and other school personnel should be expected to maintain a degree of responsibility at school. Schools should be neither torture chambers or war zones, and reasonable parents should look for alternatives to such places if that's what the public school system has set up. Increasingly, as children are empowered to wrest control from their teachers, schools are losing control. Even more so, parents are losing control. Most schools are not war zones, however. Well adapted children should be able to maneuver their way through their years of schooling without undue harm. Most kids are going to be hurt at some point during childhood, physically or emotionally, however. As my dad used to say, it builds character. Lacking refined political skills, kids sometimes fumble about trying to find their way in the pecking order. Along the way, feelings are hurt, to various degrees. Emotions swing widely. Relatively minor upsets can result in severe pain. Things that should be little things become major, end of my life, type issues. It's not necessarily a matter of physical abilities, money, or intelligence either. Some kids are quick at developing political or relational skills, while others fumble around with relationships. In some ways, this might be something that parents can better prepare their kids for, as well. Allowing them to believe and expect that school is going to be a place of kindness and fairness, or that the teacher is going to solve any problems that might come up doesn't adequately prepare them for what they are going to face. Kids can be cruel. Sometimes, that's their nature but, for some kids, it becomes merely a way of desperately hanging onto their place in the pecking order. Kids aren't born with the ability to put others before themselves. Just as some kids may delight in burning ants with a magnifying glass without a thought for the ant, kids are more aware of their own feelings than anyone else's, and they are particularly not concerned about kids who aren't in their own circle of friends. My cousins and I tied someone to a fence behind the hill during lunch at elementary school one day. It was a joke and I figured someone else would untie him or he'd be able to get loose himself. Once the joke was over, I didn't think about it again until the teacher was asking where he was after lunch. Nobody told her where he was, but of course, they found him. As far as I was aware, he was perfectly okay. It's not like we beat him or anything but he was out of school for the rest of the week. Today, he's on my friend's list on Facebook. We weren't in the same circles of friends in school, but he told me that his friends referred to my cousins and me as the "Terrible Three." There were actually four of us who hung out together but one of my cousins was in the grade below us so we didn't acknowledge him during school hours. There are, of course, some kids who are not going to be adequately prepared to handle things on their own. Kids with disabilities or other things that make them stand out from their peers, in ways that cannot be easily changed or overcome. I suppose race could be a factor but, in my experience, kids aren't born racists. Generally, it takes several years of training to bring someone up to be a racist. I tend to use up a lot of words getting to point but that's actually good for forums, you know. My point is that most of this stuff, and perhaps all of it, is something that children have to go through in order to develop into adults who are able to handle themselves adequately. Not the extremes, of course. A school environment should not be allowed to degenerate into "The Lord of the Flies." That's where teachers come in. In some school systems and, increasingly, in more and more school systems, teachers are no longer permitted to do what the better teachers once did. Personally, if I had it to do over again, I would probably homeschool, not in the sense of keeping him at home all day, but through one of the several homeschool groups that are popping up around the country. These groups will differ from group to group, of course, but, in general, they allow kids to learn and socialize in a more controlled group size, and they also allow parents to share the work of teaching, each teaching that which he or she can teach best. There are some good Christian schools, as well, and these might be an option. Many of them are no better than the public schools, though. Some are more focused on obedience than education. Still, I'd look around for a good Christian school if I couldn't find a homeschooling group.
AS for the situation with my GD .. the other child pushed my GD in front of a bus,.which is what caused her to fall and get the nasty scrape. Police were involved, there are witnesses . My daughter has not not pressed charges, as she does not want to ruin the other child's life. However this other child is a known bully at school has has caused problems before. All in limbo at the moment.
I am another person who went to at least 9 different schools growing up and never had a time base to fit into any 'circle'. Always the 'new' kid, so it was easy to be picked on. I was also lucky to have a very strong, close family. My brothers were in the same boat, always the new ones. Our parents prepared us for this the best they could and I think they did a pretty good job explaining how life really works. When I saw this clip, it reminded me of those days. " Invisible Kids "
Great video clip! Makes me think of some of the loner's in my high school that went on to achieve great success and some of the cool kids that more or less peaked in high school. It's hard to convince kids that things will get better and better if they just get through their teen years and get out into the world.
Where else is bullying done, besides in schools? As an adult, on a job? An employee who is disciplined by their employer, could call the "discipline", bullying, couldn't they? Actually years ago (1992) I felt like I got bullied at a job. My manager, the one doing it, called it joking around and teasing. He was very muscular and loved walking up to me from behind and squeezing my shoulder/shoulders with his hand/hands. He just liked doing this to me and saying "good morning" while doing it. I told him a few times that it hurt, but he kept doing it. I ended up quitting and told unemployment office why I quit and they set up an official meeting between him, myself and a unemployment rep. I took a close friend of mine with me, whom I told what had been happening, but I just couldn't go thru with the meeting. Friend and I left when ex-manager showed up.
Bullying can take place on the job, either by a superior or a co-worker. Psychologists sometimes refer to bullies in the workplace as "psychotic". For some reason, bullies on the playground or in the hallway are never referred to using that term. I guess it is too "stigmatizing".
I know there is a war on 'bullying' in elementary school. I understand no one wants their child laughed at, nor do they want a child who is unkind. However, when I was in elementary school, we learned early on that if you picked your nose or peed in your pants or wore something weird......you had set yourself up as playground fodder. Even though it sounds cruel, isn't that one of the ways we learn at a young age what is and what is not socially acceptable? It's part of the learning curve. IF we choose to do something 'unique' we might be considered cool or we might become the butt of jokes and the risk becomes our choice. So, is bullying really an evil thing or is it an important part of social development? Does stopping all of that sort of kid interaction totally not prepare kids for a world who WILL judge them? Growing up thinking there is no price to pay for being unique is not reality.
"When I was in..........." it was fine. It once was fine to be publicly drawn and quartered and have your head stuck on a pike. Let's hope life progresses, not regresses. Whether one is prepared at elementary school age or is a late bloomer and gets prepared later...........life will happen. The boy with the dress will leave the rural south and meet those of his/her kind in a sophisticated city and possibly live happily ever after. When one starts out by saying "When I....." is a sure sign you're getting old.
This is a senior forum. We are getting old. With age comes experience, and with experience comes knowledge, and sometimes even common sense. Everything new is not better. That's a lie they present to encourage us to accept irrelevance.
From my view, bullying is never acceptable. Any child will find that life is full of pitfalls and needs stability at an early age to prepare them
Um, I think that bullying today is more aggresive than years ago. Plus with social media whatever your oddity, it becomes public. That carries bullying way too far. People of all ages should show more compassion, but at the same time learn that any waver from what society is willing to accept will bring on bullying.
I'm not sure if we mean the same thing, @Bess Barber . Why should bullying help the child/person affected? The way I understand it, bullying is not a one-off reaction to the way other people, look, dress, or behave on a given day. IOW, it's not a single confrontation, disagreement, aggression or intimidation from which the person affected can learn something about the mechanics of social interaction. Bullying doesn't stop. Bullying is about using power repeatedly and with full intention and even with a degree of enjoyment in order to harm or hurt a child or person who is helpless. I can't see anything positive about that. Bullying is often a hidden and ongoing exercise of power over other, often inferior, people just because it is possible and because it gives those who do it a great deal of satisfaction and a (poor) feeling of superiority. Not saying that children should not be exposed to conflict situations which they have to cope with in order to gain experience and develop. Yet that's not what's commonly understood by bullying. Is it?
Some school shooters have expressed they were bullied and that became the reason for their revenge. I get what you're driving at, Bess. Do you mean 'Shamed' instead of 'Bullied?' For example, when we were in high school, it was a shame for a girl to become pregnant.
What constitutes bullying? Before any constructive discussion can be had, we must agree in general what constitutes bullying and what doesn't. During my school days what was considered teasing is now considered bullying and can earn the offender time out and counseling. In my school days, very few school days passed that I wasn't teased for a nerve disorder that I couldn't control. I was never assigned fancy initials for my disorder that gave me special protection under the law. If I was a kid today, I would be heavily medicated and labeled with ADHD. Calling me a freak was just childless teasing. Hitting me with a stick like I was a rabid animal was bullying. Name calling I dealt with by purposely doing silly gestures and then laughing at myself. The kids were now laughing with me, instead of at me. The poking with a stick I dealt with by grabbing the stick and hitting the offender hard as I could.
Well, I was "picked on" during part of my elementary years and most of my high school years...…...because I was thin (98 lbs), had a very short haircut (just like my step-dads) and my big ears showed up quite a bit from that haircut. Back in those days, the 60's, it was called "picked on", not bullying. Would bullying be the same? Actually, today kids can get beat up for whatever. I never once got beat up, just verbally teased and my ears finger flipped. Only one kid flipped my ears, on the bus, and I took care of that kid one morning. His grandpa was the bus driver. I turned around, with a formed fist, and hit the kid in the eye. The kid was stunned, but his grandpa looked in the review mirror and said to him, "you finally got what you deserve". After that day, I started driving my car to school. The kid wasn't a fighter, so I didn't have to worry about him fighting back. I think today's "picking on" is much, much more serious.