Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
From Boy's Life magazine. PATIENT: Doc, I keep having these dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me? DOCTOR: You need to relax. You’re two tents.
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays." http://www.korpisworld.com/quotes/henny youngman.htm
Man comes in to see his doctor. The doctor says, "Well, John, the psychological tests are in. You're crazy." "What?" screams the man, "You can't just say something like that! I want a second opinion. I have insurance! I'm ENTITLED to a second opinion!" "OK," replies the doctor, "you're ugly, too."
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"