Being single and living alone I go through periods of lonliness, particularly when viewing photos or viewing items that trigger fond memories. Reading, computer activity and brief walks bring me back most times.
I was 48 before I was married, but I kept busy with work, school, church, and other things, such as learning to program for a computer, running a BBS, hiking, camping, etc. I also adopted a son as a single father and was a scout leader for a Boy Scout Explorer Post, at different times. Probably, I didn't marry early because I kept busy doing things, and wasn't actively looking for anyone to marry. In my more senior years, I don't go out much anymore. If I were to find myself alone again, I still have things that I could busy myself with. I'd probably spend more time at our camp than I do because my wife isn't into roughing it and I haven't fixed the place up enough to allow for luxuries. I would very much like to hike the Appalachian Trail and I am still (perhaps) unrealistic enough to think that I might be able to do it, but I couldn't be away from my cats that long. When I allow myself the time to think about the people who I no longer have in my life anymore, it can get depressing, so I know what you mean about that. I feel that I need to do that from time to time, even that I owe that to the people who are no longer among the living, but it is depressing. When I talk about keeping myself busy, I am not referring to pointless tasks or things that are intended only to kill time. There are plenty of things that I'd like to have the time to do, many of which I know that I'll never do. But if I were to find myself alone, I guess I'd do some of those things. As long as I have something to do, I am okay with myself.
Obviously that's your own fault, caused by your own bad choices.. take your own advice and do something about it if you don't want to be lonely!!
If you run out of things to do, you make up an imaginary friend, and force them to listen to you. Usually the friend is yourself. If you get into an argument, you always win. If you prefer to write, it's called keeping a diary. There's a reason why people start out, "Dear Diary:" . .
I thought you lived in a retirement facility or something with a bunch of people, Lon? Maybe you just need to get out and mingle. I don't feel lonely, but I have a wonderful husband. The older I get, the more reclusive I become; I don't think I'd ever be lonesome since I have always enjoyed my own company and I don't like dealing with people. The internet is perfect for me; I can "talk" to people when I chose and shut 'em down when I don't.
@Lon Tanner ....you can be married or in a roomfull of freinds even family - and feel lonley- trust me.
@Gloria Mitchell @Lon Tanner I think loneliness increases with age, regardless of one's surroundings. If I am wrong, smite me down! I know it certainly has become apparent in my own case. What to do about it? I dunno. Frank
Whilst I understand why you may say that, I think there is a lot of merit with @Holly Saunders statement. As you have seen from a couple of other posts, some people do very well by themselves and rarely have a feeling of loneliness. Before I met Yvonne, I actually preferred just doing whatever my chosen vocation was at the time and beyond that live the life of a veritable recluse. But here’s the thing. I felt and still feel like I am needed. As @Frank Sanoica indicated, feeling lonely is most frequent as we grow older because we take ourselves out of the field of “need”. Yeah, some of us have people who would miss us when we die, but the question is if they just like having us around and love us or with that, did we provide an atmosphere of need? All of us have to feel relevant and when we lose that one singular item in our arsenal for survival, it can be pretty much earth shaking and at times, downright dangerous for our well being. Yeah, I know that you have a lot of health issues, but instead of sitting around and being waited on hand and foot, do something. However small or large, do something that means something to someone. No, I’m not talking about digging into your back pocket and donating to some charity but I am talking about putting your brain and body (and maybe a little cash) to work becoming once again, a valuable asset. How about helping out with the local Little League team as a minor sponsor and maybe even go to the games and become “grandpa Lon” to some of the young players? Believe it or not, I have known a couple of Atheists who spend their spare time volunteering in Christian missions teaching book keeping and things needed to get a good job like how to fill out an application or write a good resume’. They made themselves indispensable in someone else’s life. In short, get involved. Put yourself into the position of being not only wanted, but needed. Sit around and order another bottle of wine, or do something totally unexpected, be pertinent again.
You know, I think that @Bobby Cole has hit on a wonderful idea there, and that it would work for you, @Lon Tanner ! One of the things that you have commented about is that many of the people who live in the same retirement home as you live in, have very little (or none) knowledge of using a computer, so they are not able to interact with people like you can do. You have often remarked here about how active you are on the computer, and how well you understand technology. Helping some of the other people learn to do basic things on a computer, or tablet, such as email and accessing the internet, could add a LOT of joy into some person’s world, and YOU would become known as “The Person to See” about all things technological . This would not only give you something interesting to do, but you would be helping the people around you in a very valuable way.
The facility where I live has two full time Activity Directors that spend time with some of the residents that wish to learn more about computer activity. My severe hearing problem makes my involvement in teaching almost impossible. Management has adopted some of my suggestions such as printing up a list of the email addresses of residents that have computers so they can communicate with one another.
Then you might possibly take some classes on “signing”. You do not need to be able to hear OR speak, just learn. Once you have learned, then your new found ability will expand your horizons immensely. Getting old isn’t a death sentence. It’s a time when your life can mean even more than it ever did when you were younger. It’s a choice to either sit back and reminisce about one’s achievements in life or keep adding to those achievements. If you cannot go to bed at night and go to sleep knowing that today, you have accomplished even the smallest of achievements, then something is very, very wrong. Can’t never could nor ever will be. Can and do is the mantra of those who wish to make a difference in their life by making a difference in the things and people which surround them. When we are lonely we feel useless which leads to depression and anxiety which also leads to even more physical disabilities that we might have. Do something. Quit giving yourself excuses. A diamond is only valuable if it’s found, otherwise it just sits in dirt.