I'm where I am today because of decisions (good and bad) that I've made throughout my life. Who's to say where I'd be (even if I WOULD *be*) if I had chosen different paths. Every second of the day bring the possibility of "alternate universes". That car I just let in front of me? Because I delayed my trip by five seconds, did I miss being hit by that 18-wheeler who changes lanes without looking? I torture myself with the thought that if I had called my sister the night she was killed, she might have gone out five minutes later to walk the dogs and missed being hit by the drunk driver. But I had just talked to her the day before and thought I'd wait til the next day. What if? What if? What if? Life is so full of what if's.
I finally came up with one I know for sure was a mistake. When I was about 16, I had a small tooth cavity (I know now it was small). We went to an old dentist nearby, not our usual one who moved downtown. Should have known something was wrong, because the walls in the waiting room were covered with pictures of race horses, and no customers. I digress... I said "Just pull it out," and he turned around, picked up some pliers, and yanked it out, without any discussion of alternatives. I don't think any other dentist would have done that, even back then. That tooth being missing caused a chain reaction that cost me a fortune later on. Won't go into the details.
@Nancy Hart - in all my years only ever found one dentist that was 'really good' at his job The rest have been an absolute nightmare, in fact I recently treated myself because of the dread of going
I made a mistake a few years ago by ordering a tv stand online... The day it was due to arrive I was also waiting for someone who was interested in buying my car..we'd agreed a good price and he was about due to arrive with his wife, who he was actually buying the car for and who hadn't seen it. 20 minutes before the guy and his wife arrived, the delivery driver, came with the furniture, and drove off, catching the offside wing of my car and scraping all the paint off, and leaving a large dent !!!!!! He didn't even stop !! I was absolutely furious as you can imagine, and immediately called the company..*wayfair*.. and they said unless I had proof he did it, they wouldn't take any action... Anyway long story short, the guy did buy the car but I had to let it go for £500 less than we'd agreed.... but my mistake was ordering from a company who wouldn't take responsibility for the actions of their drivers.
I've been thinking about this thread. It seems that any decision I'd change might have unintended consequences to other things in my life so it's hard to pick one. My first inclination was to say I'd not marry my first husband (at age 18!) but then my two precious sons wouldn't exist, and consequently my two darling grandbabies. So I need to ponder some more.
As a teen allowing my best and closest person in the world to me to drive over to the neighbors ranch, knowing they were a daredevil and would take a dangerous shortcut. I always took the long safe county road. They had made this run many times successfully. I should have gone. A soft bank gave away and the vehicle rolled in a ravine, caught on fire, and they were trapped as the gas fueled flames rose high. I ran the entire 1/2 mile seeing smoke and as I got closer heard screams . When I got there all I could do was watch helplessly as they died while other neighbors tried to put out the fire. I know it wasn't my fault, but over 50 years and I still wish I had made the run.
The fire was started by a well meaning hunter that saw the accident and when he was about 20 feet from the vehicle, threw down his cigarette in front of him not realizing there was a long gas trail. He fled the scene after he realized what he had done. Neighbors that heard the crash were headed to it when they saw the flames and the guy running away. Only a broken leg was found to have resulted from the accident. Lots of other tragic stories in my life but this is the only one I could have made different.
I know the outcome now of all my decisions, if I went back in time to make a change I would not know the outcome.
I don't go there. Can't. Won't. About 2 weeks ago, decided to truly forgive myself. I did. It took. And I think: All Roads Led to My Son and Then to My Grandson. Wouldn't have that any other way.
My mom, who had a very traumatic childhood, told me once when I was complaining about life not being fair, that many people had blonde hair and hazel eyes, it was the events of our life, both good and bad, that came together like strings on a tapestry that made us the special unique person we were. I'm sure that comes from some yiddish proverb, but it has been proven to be true. Changing just one string, could unravel the whole thing that makes you you.
Honestly, at 63, I'm quite happy with knowing I'm probably as good as I'm going to get. Now, I do agree my life would've been easier if there had been enough money to send my teenagers off to boarding school in Lithuania.