Why do you think some people are prone to be combative? It seems not a day passes in their life when they don't have an 'issue' with one person or another. I have two retired neighbor ladies like that and I try to avoid them because all conversations with them make me feel depressed. There is no joy in being around someone who thinks it's a good thing to 'always speak their mind'. I don't believe this trait makes anyone bold or self confident or strong. It means they don't have a filter as to how to weed out important issues from just petty stupid crap. It takes more strength to choose your battles and know when to walk away. Not to mention it's bad for your health. I was annoyed at our mail girl, but after I found out I was wrong, I apologized to her because some things aren't worth the energy to go on and on about. How do you deal with people who constantly agitate and argue with those around them?
Sometimes I just inwardly seethe and let it pass. Other times I jump in the fray and make an equally annoying ass of myself. My inner child is still an occasional problem.
@Bess Barber - Sometimes, I think we are mistaken when we consider the outspoken and unfiltered life, a virtue. We can decide to live a self filtered, and well spoken life, instead. It may require more work on our part, but prove to be much more rewarding. We shouldn't confuse "extra grace required" people, who come into our lives, and have real needs and reasons for their behavior....with the kind of people you describe. I think that "Self-filtered" and "Well-spoken" should be the "Order of the day"!
Ignore Don't understand people that go on and on and on Make your point and leave it at that - that's what I've learnt to do on forums
Explaining the reasons for their behavior is more difficult than describing my reaction to it. Put briefly, some people behave like that for two reasons basically. First, it's the way they are. It's their very nature and, secondly, they have had positive experiences in behaving like that which they thrive on. They just have this combative gene inside themselves similar to alpha leaders. They need other people to argue and to see how far they can go. It gives them pleasure if they feel they've come out the winner in an argument or elsewhere - on the road, for example, where they can display their alleged superiority by showing others their tail light. Psychologists say it's exactly those micro victories each day in different situations which some people need like the air that they breathe to feel comfy. It's often also a kind of redirection activity or act of compensation for something missing or repressed. My reaction is almost always the same. In an argument I also put my foot down and "give them a piece of my mind" at least once before giving those contemporaries a wide berth. The good thing is that, meanwhile, the latter is usually possible in contrast to situations in life where you could hardly escape them. Cool avatar @Bess Barber
I cannot be arsed with people who invent excuses to cause a fight especially online.. like you @Beth Gallagher, sometimes I'll bite and take up the gauntlet because I just get hissed off at people thinkin' I'm some kind of pushover.. people in real life know not to piss me off, .. ..but online I know these people are just cowards who hide behind a screen spouting BS.. and thinking they're some kind of hero.., and if they met me they would not be saying any kind of crap to my face and getting away with it. ..but in actual real life, I just avoid people who have constantly got to bitch about others.. ..but if you bring it to my door,..you'll regret it more than anything you've ever done..
Well, I call it "confrontational" and I can be that way. Only time my wife is that way is when the bank wants to charge her an extra fee for being late on payment of the bank credit card. Turns out, she mailed the payment on time, it was the mail that was late. What I don't like is when a person is explaining something to me, and I'm listening, but then I start to say something and the person looks at me and says "I don't want to argue with you". I wasn't arguing, only stating my side of the problem...…...which, obviously, they don't want to hear. Sort of like the "know it all" type thing. My last Director/Supervisor was like that. When I'd go to tell him my thoughts, he didn't want to hear them. Funny, but my brother, two friend of ours and even my wife's sister, would rather talk to my wife than me on the phone. My wife pretty much goes along with whatever they say and I might not. The one friend of ours, that I've called up for information about our boat, because he owned a number of boats before, will basically not let me say a thing about what he's telling me. It's like, "you called me for information, but now you are disagreeing with something I said". I've had some people talk to me about farming and/or rodeo and, come to find out, they really didn't know that much about either. Then sometimes they don't like me correcting them. All I can think of to say, to myself of course is, "oh well".
Have no use for those types in my life if allowed to usually I will tell them exactly that, way to many good people to endure those ANY AT ALL. It is probably bred in them as a flaw.
I'm definitely not "flawed", but totally believe in verbally defending myself and my wife. A "one way" conversation is not the way I operate. If I have something to say, the person I'm talking to needs to listen also.
I think all of us should have enough self confidence to defend ourselves and our family & friends. I was referring to people who seem to be constantly in search of confrontation and drama. They have disputes with half the people they run across, including family members. The only thing they ever have to talk about is how someone wronged them and how it's never ever their fault. It's exhausting to be around them.
@Holly Saunders Perhaps off-thread, but from it's contents: "......I cannot be arsed with people".........This is new usage for me. Is the word an adjective here, instead of the usual noun? For example, aggravated, irritated, etc. Frank
@Frank Sanoica , I think it means bothered by. You know the Englishters talk a different English that we do. I deal with combative people by avoiding them. Seems to work very well.
I never heard it either. I thought it was totally a cool statement. I'm going to add them to my list of 'Holly-isms'. I'm getting a whole new vocabulary. @Holly Saunders