A blonde's neighbor's house was on fire so she called 911. The blonde told the operator, "My neighbor's house is on fire!" The operator asked, "Where are you?" The blonde answered, "At my house." The operator replied, "No, I'm asking how do we get there?" The blonde said, "In a firetruck, duh!"
A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife’s hearing. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.” The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again “What’s for dinner?” She turns around and says “For the THIRD time, beef stew!”
Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped." Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer. The other two say, "Wow, Where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped." The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue. They others say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn't stop."
If there is a hidden microwave or hot plate, it is a workable kitchen. However, it probably is just a home bar.
A stranger walks up to a man at a market and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 dollars. The man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 20?" The man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 10?" The man still says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" The man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't."
A Native American walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "I want a large cup of coffee please". The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming up". He gets the Native American a tall mug of coffee, and the he drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out. The next morning the NA returns. He again has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Coffee please". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?" The NA smiles and proudly says, "Simple I'm in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."