Every Sunday a little old lady placed $1,000 on the collection plate. It went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. “My dear, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he said. “Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need I give to the church.” “That’s wonderful. How much does he send you?” the priest asked. “He sends me $2,000 a week,” she replied proudly. “Your son is very successful,” said the priest. “What does he do for a living?” “He is a veterinarian,” she answered. “That is a very honorable profession,” the priest assured her. “Where does he practice?” “Well, she replied, “he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in New Orleans.”
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?” The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!” The woman then gave the officer her license. “I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied, “He said he knows you!”
Bill, a 70-year-old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful appeal and outright charm while hanging over Bills arm and listening intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, “Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bill replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how did you persuade her to marry you?” Bill says, “I lied about my age.” His friends respond, “What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?” Bill smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”
Two elderly people were living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for several years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?” After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered. “Yes. Yes, I will.” The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. The next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?” He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.” Then she continued, “I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”
Don't know where the chocolate police security are, i seem to be coming out of the grocery store with chocolate a lot lately...... no will power here. .
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally, she said, “How soon do you need to know?