One of my 2BFFs and I finished class (college) got off the bus and were walking to our respective homes. Mom was walking toward us, but neither BFF nor I noticed her. I saw that traffic had temporarily cleared and so BFF and I zipped across the avenue. Mom was seriously hurt, believing that I purposely ignored her. WTH!!! She never brought it up again but I suspect that she believed it the rest of her life. Wish I had raised this issue with her before she passed and swore again as I did at age 18 that we really did not see her that day. What is it they say in church "... for what I have done and what I failed to do." You can count not raising this issue near the end was something I failed to do.
I'm sure I have, but nothing that has stuck with me. On the other hand, I remember at a large family gathering when I was a kid, someone threw a dinner roll at my aunt. She turned around and yelled at my father in anger, accusing him. He did not throw the roll and he never said a word, but he was hurt over that accusation for years. (My father was definitely not the "roll throwing" type.)
I shared an office with a guy from Bolivia (Joe.) There was a black woman who worked a couple of offices down (Sheila.) One day Joe tells my boss that I hate Hispanics...no details, just that I hate Hispanics. Then on his heels Sheila goes in and tells her that I hate black women...no details, just that I hate black women. My boss told me she knew it wasn't true, but that I had to take "diversity training." Fortunately, in that company, that was the end of it...you don't forever wear a scarlet letter. The Backstory Joe was going for his Master's degree at night, and in order to help the guy out, I hooked him up with my online credentials to The Economist (a pretty pricey subscription) so he could do research from home and not spend so much time away from his kids. He could not afford a subscription. I was happy to help the guy out. Sheila and I were always on good terms. She liked to wear ties every so often, and admired my collection of Christmas ties I wore around the holidays, so I loaned her a couple of them. I actually respected her a lot. She had the public transportation commute from Hell, and when the company had relocated maybe 15 miles further away from her home, she stuck with it, with never a complaint. There was never any animosity. We all had a good relationship. What happened was Sheila would come into our office and talk about trying to manage her adolescent daughter and the provocative way she liked to dress. When Sheila would leave, Joe would mock her. I think Sheila heard him one day and Joe told her that I did it, and that I hated black women. Then to deflect attention (and maybe to bolster his career), Joe told my boss that I hated Hispanics. I was glad my boss knew better, but I was angry she did not want to rock her own career boat by calling out the lies. It wasn't the only time she refused to directly confront unfairness in the department. It was a very political environment, and my boss was very wired into it. There was no long-term harm done to me, but I had to sit through one of those classes through no fault of my own. I changed my Economist login credentials and let Joe know he no longer had access. I also changed offices. Sheila and I never talked about it. And things between us were always fine, as though nothing had happened.