I don't know if anyone else relies, to an extent, on forum "friends" we make over the years. I have some folks here for example, that I truly consider friends. We've share a lot about our lives, and let down our walls a bit. Some of us have really been hurt by people, including online. It seems like that's sort of silly to be upset by someone we don't know, and I've noticed some are really good at just ignoring people that are unkind. I can do it part of the time, but at other times, I allow them to push my buttons. I just wondered if anyone here wanted to chime in here, and share things about difficulties when meeting up with, not so friendly folks online? I'd really like us to be discreet, in that, no mentioning names or places we may have met them. I just feel I need some help in dealing with something that happened to me, that has made me very distrustful of some. I have more friends than I deserve here, so I need to focus on those relationships and leave the rest behind. How do you folks handle it, if you come in contact with it? Denise
It's true Denise, I go online for enjoyment not to get a knot in my stomach. There is nothing wrong with people disagreeing, I do it on here sometimes but I still respect the people with the differing views. Sometimes I even learn something.
Oh I hear that, yes, and I do like learning. I heard a guy named doobie share lately, on politics. I would have listened to that guy no matter what party, what beliefs because he was so informed. He was a lot like Ken, one of my fave political reads on here. But just about the whole relationship thing, I have had friends, and actually had some people that were obviously not friends (never on this site, I do want to say that, good management here) I think what I need most, is to let really "very unimportant" things that are said to purposely hurt people, I need to learn to just skip over them, and consider the source. I think that was always taught to me growing up, consider the person being hurtful, and think about where they are truly coming from. Who knows what it is like to be them, why are they mean, and seemingly full of hate. I don't know, and I can't fix them, don't want to try. I have to just take care of my own side of the street.
I'm glad you've learned not to let it get to you, Denise. Having the same views gets boring and that's whats so great about this place. I can disagree and I do with Martin and Yvonne and Babs sometimes but I still think they are the nicest and fairest people on here. I sometimes even learn something even though I won't admit it. I'm a stubborn Aries. Also @Bobby Cole , although I sometimes need to look things up on google, like how a water pump works.
When someone tries to hurt you, it is because they are hurting inside. Remember that. good quote: “Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us. When you have spent what feels like eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God doesn’t make us try so hard, only enemies do.” ― Shannon L. Alder
I have several dear friends whom I met on a now defunct forum seven or eight years ago. We chat on a private board. Two of them have joined here after I invited them. I would trust them with my last dollar. There was one woman on the defunct board who was a real b!tch. We had words and I was once banned for a while. After that, I learned to just take little digs at her. Not enough to get banned but enough so she knew I thought she was still a b!tch. Bless her heart.
That was well said Bonnie. I have to examine my side of it, but sometimes, it is me, and sometimes them. It takes two to tango, but sometimes you can say something totally harmless, not directed at anyone, and still get trashed. The political forums are rough right now, who doesn't know that, especially for folks that don't know as much as some, but yet even those who don't know, but are willing to listen, are going to be voting. I am never inclined to listen when people are not really wanting to help others see their side, they just seem to be adding another notch in their ego. But relationships are give and take, and they are built, they don't just happen, imo. I totally believe in the possibility of having friends online. It's so neat to have the chance of meeting such people from all over the world too
Oh Shirley, yeah, I admit, there are some people I cannot like. I would help them if they were drowning, I mean, I would help them get it over faster, LOL!! Nah, I'd fish the dang fools outa the water pump them out, geez.
Oh boy. I read this. Walked away. Read it again. Walked away again. And now here sits this fool Mari pressing the "post reply" button. Oy! But I'm going to answer. I don't make any distinction between an online friend and someone here in my town. My true friends are few and far between.... waaaaaaaaaaaaay far between, so whether online or "let's go to 'Bucks for coffee neighbor close" no difference in my world. Now that means that I can get as hurt by an "online friend" as someone standing on my doorstep. Not sure that's a good thing, but it's me. I've been online for close to 20 years. I have looked at the screen and sobbed as much as if the hurt had been "to my face." I've trembled and I've mourned with my online friends. I've wanted to punch the screen, but I don't like blood. I've had friends online check on my emotional state after trauma a lot more often than local friends did. Now, the other part of your thought, @Denise Happyfeet ... about pushing buttons. Here's where it gets strange. If hurt by an online friend, I will be *TOO* hurt to stand my ground and fight back. Most likely I'll be devastated and let them get their boot prints all over me and I will get silent and hurt/cry in private. It's not when I let my buttons get pushed that I'm in bad shape, it's when I'm silent. Buttons, though... I can fight back viciously if attacked. But if I *do* stand up for myself, it means the other person wasn't considered a friend. Uh... that sounds pathetic, doesn't it? Well, *I* knew what I meant anyhow! hehe
Golden blonde here, too... well, getting more brunette in the past few years, but always a golden towhead until a decade or so ago when I turned brunette. How weird is that?! Yes, I think it *is* a good thing because I don't mind feeling those emotions... means I'm alive. And you, a dumb blonde?! HA! There is no way on this EARTH that I'll ever believe that one! Blonde sure, but dumb? Not the @Chrissy Page I know.
There are all sorts in the world, and definitely all sorts online. Although I will spill my guts talking about the cats and birds, I don't always post as much about myself, because I've gotten caught up in drama before, by someone particularly nasty, who ruined longtime friendships and stalked me from site to site, making my life miserable for years. Some mistake kindness for weakness, and people like that are miserable in their own lives, so have to bully others and spread the nastiness around. I tend to be cautious these days, because a person can pose as anyone online.
That sounds totally nasty, @Diane Lane . I don't post much about myself either... I have to be relatively sure about someone before I'll say much of anything, and never in public. I have really good instinct, so that helps. I can (at least up until now) tell who's sincere and who gets to see me with walls down... but always in private email, never in public.
I saved these in my file of quotes to arm myself in case I'm insulted lol. Had to fish them out when I read this thread. Haven't needed them here for sure! They're reminders of what you should say to people who insult you. Here are 2 ideas