In my neighborhood, I know a lot of people and the one's I do not know I have at least seen them and know their basic habits. From that knowledge I know who's door I can knock on and be received well and who's door I will not knock on because either we do not get along or I might have some reservations about. There are enough people who I get along with that I do not even bother thinking about those who I do not care for much less make myself available for any type of disagreement. So, I stay within a set of peaceful boundaries and allow whatever happens outside those boundaries happen. Now, that said, if someone knocks on my door whom I do not like, I have a choice. I can either be the weaker person and not answer the door as a gentleman should or I can answer the door perchance something might be wrong and I might be of help or better yet, there is always the possibility that someone wants to start anew with a fresh outlook. The bottom line is without change, there will be no change. If anyone in this forum had known me about 40 years ago, I would not be a preferable person to be around. There were those who thought that I could never change and then there were those who stood by me in hopes that I could. I did. Anyone can and most people do with the right hand on their shoulder,......... even on the Internet.
Don't you think though that starting off on the wrong foot would not be the way to go? I would start with an apology for sure and I certainly wouldn't lie about things, that only makes you think that the changed person thinks you are a fool, so obviously there hasn't been any real change.
I remember the situation on the other board. It happened before you joined, and it went WAY beyond a little harmless flirting. The same few people came into discussion threads and turned them into "flirt fests", derailing thread topics with pages and pages of sexual innuendo and "lols" . People had to wade thru all that, and some people left. It became downright icky. Sometimes people get caught up in suggestive photos (which are often old or pics of someone else), fantasies, and alluring avatars. Hey, people are free to have whatever forum relationships they want but why the need for flirtations in open thread? Private message or email is the route to go -or there are plenty of dating sites.
Arlene...There are degrees of everything. I am fine with light banter that is totally just fun. I'm not okay with the extreme you're referring to. I do know what you mean..I think if people want to be truly involved they should take it off the Forum into PM or the millions of other ways.
@Karen McKenzie ...most, if not all, of the referenced posts were deleted. Banter is fine, and fun, but the stuff I referred to was skeevy and annoying.
Yes I agree flirting is harmless, at worst irritating to some, but bullying can cause damage to the vulnerable especially. As far as I am aware most left because of the persistent bullying not flirting.
Spewing anger online is almost always an excuse to vent rage on another. Rarely does it have any just cause, no matter how the perpetrator attempts to dress it up in fancy forms of self justification. If someone espouses views, or displays attitudes that another finds repugnant, there are other avenues available to deal with the situation, rather than devolve into character assassination/bullying. High chair tyrants are toxic, and sabotage relationships wherever they go.
Back to my neighborhood again. On my street there are about 5 or 6 American Flags flying on various homes. It's a wonderful thing and quite unlike a neighborhood my wife and I lived in some years ago for in that area of houses there were but one or two American flags and about 6 Mexican flags flying. I had to think about it for a while and came up with a few questions that have never been answered. Why, would someone move from Mexico in order to embrace America and our wealth but still cling to another country's emblem? When they moved they also carried with them all of the harsh misery they had in the form of mental baggage and I asked myself why to that also. When they came here, did they not want to have a new start and embrace the good things rather than taint that good with the bad of the past? Going from one country in order to live peacefully and fruitfully means LEAVING all of the crap behind and starting out fresh. They should learn to quit gnawing on one another because of past conflicts and learn to live in harmony in the new found land. Remembering the old might be good in order to prevent one's self from making the same mistakes in the future but remembering doesn't include living it over and over again ad infinitum until everything around is nothing but dried and crumbled taco shells making the new land just as bad as the old. I say, it's time they learned to eat steak and potatoes and leave the gassy pinto beans where they need to be.....across the border.
All the amatuer psychobabble aside, many also leave forums because of cliques and their gang mentality, which is quite pathetic. Some members get tired of it and use the ignore function, and others fight back. But it can be a losing battle when a moderator is part of the clique,waiting to pounce, as was the case on the other board. It's easy to see why people lose interest and move on.
It's good to remember that what some people view as "spewing anger" is nothing more than holding an attitude, belief or opinion that differs too much from one's own. i think if you want a forum to only reflect one view or opinion..and nothing else is acceptable..it's better to form a club and just agree with each other constantly. I'm fine with people holding any opinion they want about anything because if I decide only my opinion is "okay" then I'm going to end up with a boring, one-note experience. Humans all have their biases and I think the only way for a Forum to survive in a healthy way is to support other people's rights to express their opinions and thoughts in a polite way. We are all only human and personality clashes are going to happen but i don't think just because I don't like the way someone expresses themselves or their attitude..it's no big deal..ignore is there for a reason. Listen, I don't like people more because they agree with me about everything..I just like them for who they are. At the end of the day a true friend is someone who likes you as you truly are...flaws and all ...but maybe we are the last ones to see ourselves as others do. I'm sure not here to please everyone..but neither is anyone else.... I couldn't resist posting this song which I feel expresses what I wish to say musically.
7 pages of moaning and groaning. Okay, I'll play. Who the HELL are you people who complain about flirting? If someone offends your Puritan sensibilities then take it to the Admin. Don't sit on the sidelines sniping. Be man (or woman) enough to at least do that. Bullying? Oh, boo-hoo! Someone said mean things about me and won't let me play! Get a life! It's the Internet - if you don't like one forum there are thousands of others to explore. I've sat back and watched many people here ripping into "the other forum". Newsflash - you aren't there any more. How long are you going to waste your time complaining about it? It's worse than the flirting and gets old fast. Join 4/chan or Topix if you want to spew venom.
All I see is everyone posting what they think, Phil. .Just as you just did. Why is that a problem? You sure don't have to agree.