Seriously doubt my SIL would see things like that. Her younger brother barely talks to her, and when he does, it's only texting. He has never really got along with her that much either. When I met my wife, she was planning on moving out of her mom's apartment and out of California, but hadn't told any family members her plans. She had no problem at all, after we were married, moving to Colorado.............away from her family.
Shoot. My mom used to quote Erma Bombeck about husbands, "I married you for better or worse--but not for lunch!" Good thing my Dad did not come home for lunch.
Friends and family members don't have to agree with me or understand why I think what I think, or do what I do. I love them, anyhow, and if they are truly friends or family members worth having around, I don't have to pretend that I agree with them. I have one liberal brother, and, since I hadn't seen my brothers in a decade or so, the last time I visited, another brother warned me not to bring up politics when I visited him, so, of course, that's the first thing I brought up. Had I owned a MAGA hat, I would have worn it to his house. We fought when we were kids, and we can fight now; we're still brothers. Some people take themselves too seriously, I think.
Could have put this in a couple of different threads, but decided on here: SIL (wife's older sister) sent us an IM this AM asking if she could borrow my wife's Old Fashion Tea Cups/Saucers my wife has a small collection of that she got from her mom. The SIL told us that she was going to host a Tea Party. I told her the cups/saucers were still packed up in a box in our storage garage somewhere. Then my wife told me "Just tell her they're too fragile to be used, that we only display them. Sorry, I don't loan them out to anyone." Then, my wife told me "tell her to make a trip to the Goodwill and pick some up". Well, the Dear SIL didn't like at all what we told her, however, they do belong to my wife. IOW, SIL absolutely hates hearing the words, "sorry, no" on anything.
Oh, she will survive, but I think, don't know, but do "think", that she blames anything that happens like this on me. ME!! She pretty much thinks of my wife as a nice/sweet/"would do anything for anyone" type, but, since being around me for 24 years, she has somewhat changed. My step-parents, the Navy and "life experiences" made me tough, however not real tough, thank God. Unfortunately, many times, my wife simply don't want to say something that would hurt her older sister. She "thinks" something, but doesn't want to outright say it to her.
Those on the outside looking in may have objectivity but that doesn't negate the subjective pain of those on the inside either. I'm not saying that outsiders' objective "just suck it up, stupid" is all wrong, but the people on the inside may be facing pain along all of the possible paths they can see.
I guess each family is different, and I was an only child and have no family except my 3 children; but if any one of them wanted to borrow something of mine, I would certainly happily give it to them. I am having trouble grasping how a tea cup can be more valuable than someone’s sister, especially when that sister might not even be around for a lot longer. Life is dear at our age. Life is dear at any age, but we all know we are getting closer to the end as we get older. I am not saying that Cody is not doing the right thing, they both know Wife’s sister and i don’t; I am just looking at it from my perspective and adding what i believe that i would do in their situation.
Have to believe what Celia Jenkins told me here. Yvonne, the tea cup isn't necessarily the problem. The problem is, the SIL has to learn to accept the answer "sorry, no" whenever said to her. Apparently nobody she knows ever says that to her, but us. If it was up to the SIL, wife and I would be sharing her 2-bedroom apartment or my wife would leave me, so SIL could have her all to herself. It's come down to the point, the further we live away from SIL, the better we are. My wife's brother totally agrees.
There are people in this life who don't care about anyone's feelings, and have the word "family" as a cover to use others. Those people are consciously aware of the fact that in order to get rid of them, you have to be as extreme and as heartless as they are. And once you draw that "heartless" boundary and enforce it, they get to play the part of the astonished, hurt victim. But if you don't draw that heartless boundary, then they can act as though they thought everything was fine and you suddenly turned on them. It's about the most abusive, cynical thing one person can do to another, and it's all under the umbrella of "family." Your SIL has put your wife in a no-win situation: either tolerate being used, or be a nasty person (which might not be in her) and get blamed for hurting the SIL's feelings. It's a one-way street with these people. They don't care about the feelings of others (or worse, they consciously enjoy using people), and they prostitute the word "family" and the human decency that the rest of us have in order to get away with it. So your wife can either tolerate it and minimize interaction, or she can cut her SIL off in writing and follow through with legal action when the SIL violates it. There is no 3rd option. There is no "getting your SIL to understand." That is never going to happen, and it puts your SIL in control. It sounds like your wife has someone inside the system (her brother) who will support her in this. Whatever you do, try to not let your SIL create friction between you and your wife, because people like that will absolutely undermine the lives of others. It's what they do.