I would just like to make the observation that we may be jumping to conclusions based on one side of the story.
I did, and note the word "did", have a fairly big "explanation" written concerning the SIL, but I decided to make it much shorter: First, it really appeared to me that my wife really wanted to get away from her immediate family, when I first me her. Before meeting her, she was making plans (secretly) to move to Laughlin, Nevada. Don't know why Laughlin, but that was her plan. She hadn't discussed a thing with anybody in her family about her plans. She told me about them, after we met, and she jumped at the idea of mine about moving to Colorado instead of Nevada. I had drove all along The Front Range before and loved it. So, this in itself told me something about her and her family. IOW, we left So California, and her family, in May 2002 and never returned. SIL doesn't like, at all, my sarcastic/humous side. My wife loves it, but definitely not the SIL. What my wife told me, that just might contribute to how she feels about her older sister, is this: "she has always competed with me over everything. Whatever I do, she insists on doing something better. I got tired of it." So, maybe this will help understand, a little better, what's going on.
Of course, there is always two sides to every story! However, our side of the story is much better than SIL's is! LOL
My sister and I don't get along. But if either of us needs the other, we will be there for them. And later be snarky.
Too many miles (distance) between her and us. She wanted to borrow my wife's tea cup/saucer collection set and my wife said "sorry, no", not just plain "no". And, I'll say this again, my SIL hates to hear the word "no" or even "sorry, no". The collection is all packed up and someplace in our storage garage. However, Bottom Line here is: my wife didn't want to loan her the set. "It's too fragile to lend out", she told me and her sister.
There was a time where, neither of them did. That was 50 years ago yesterday! (14 February 2024)... I made a decision right there and then. Then again about a decade later, it reared its ugly head again. Once more, I walked away and later on, I severed the connections permanently. Regrets? None whatsoever... Things were difficult day-to-day. However, as soon as it dawned on me, I rearranged my life and it was much better. Tried one last time after things were lost and time ended. It's forward from now on. If no one understands that's fine, I've things to get on with
My wife told me, "Mom gave me the Tea Cup/Saucer Set because she knew that I would display them, not use them. What we know is that SIL basically isn't talking to us. My wife's younger brother told us, "that can be a good thing". The SIL told us, a couple of days ago, thru IM/text, that she drove up to a Resort in Mt. Baldy to have lunch, walk and pray. When we asked her "pray about what?", she wouldn't answer us. My wife sent her an IM/text last night asking her how she is doing. She hasn't got an answer back yet. We don't know if the problem is just the borrowing of the Cup/Saucer Set, that my wife said "sorry, no" to, of, if it's something else. She has made plans of coming here the 15th of March to see us, but, at this point, don't know if that will even happen. Not going to tell her about our upcoming, in June, trip up north to Carson City/Reno/Sparks area to check it out to live there. Last time we told her about that trip, she wanted to know when so she could check into getting a Time-Share up there to see us. I told her "this isn't a vacation." IOW, we don't talk anymore about the trip, hopefully she won't ask about it anymore. We will just set it up and go. Don't get us wrong, we really do love the SIL, but she does hate hearing the word "no".