Sorry I've been gone for a while, but let me vent, I know I had mention that we (my daughter and I were babysitting). Anyway, these pass few weeks were like the worst. As a mother one teaches their children how to clean up after themselves, brush their teeth after they wake up, wash their face, get ready for breakfast, right? Well, this child that we took care of us, I have been teaching her how to tie her shoes, brush her teeth first thing in the morning, (because this is what one does) you're probably wondering how this child is, (little girl is 7 years old). During this time that we have been taking care of her, I decided to teach her how to tie her shoes, brush her hair, brush her teeth and wash her face. I don't know how anyone else was raised, but when I was growing up, those were the first things I needed to do. And when I had my two daughters I taught them the same thing. This little girl refused to learn anything, and I mean anything, I had to remind her every morning the couple of steps which I mentioned above. Anyway, the father thought that I was being too harassing with her. One of the days when she came over, I had told her, if you don't pick up your stuff, you're not going to use your tablet. This one morning, I told her again, when you're done with what you're using put it away and you can go outside. (which she didn't), so when she came from outside, I told her "you can't use your tablet, because you didn't pick up your stuff." this is when I told her, "now you can go ahead and use your coloring book," I had also mentioned to her that if she sits on the side of our apartment where I can't see her, I worry about her, so I mentioned that she should sit under the tree where there is more shade and it's cooler (it's around 100 during the summer here) and it be better for her, which she did. She rode her bike in the hot sun, came in for her water, and went back outside again. (now there is this kid who has take advantage of her, how has bullied her) and I told her not to play with him. I know she's not my daughter, but I watched her as if she was mine. At the end of the day, when her father picked her up, she went and told him that I didn't let him go anywhere; he got so upset, and asked why we took the tablet from her; so my daughter told him, "She didn't pick up her stuff, beside it's only a tablet, and she was playing outside." Apparently, that was not good enough for him, I was being harassing or, in her words, I was being mean. I'm trying to protect this little girl, but he didn't think I was being fair. This week was the last week, we took care of her for 4 days and my daughter got paid 40 dollars. This burns me, up, we're trying to teach some values. I sure that most of you would like to have your house messed up. If you're kids didn't do it, why should some else doing it? So what happen is that the father decided to get another sitter for her because I was hard on her. So, his opinion was, that I was being too harassing for teaching her that she need to pick up after herself, now you tell me, was I being harassing with her?
There are children who are spoiled brats. I have nephews and nieces who are stubborn like that little ward of yours. But I am careful to discipline them because I'm sure the parents would not like it. I am their aunt, sister of their mother or father but I know that I don't have the full authority. My siblings are glad if I would bring their kids to the mall, buy them things, feed them, and all the good things that I can provide.... but not discipline. That's clear to me. At least I have no issue when it comes to children.
As @Corie Henson said, people are happy to have their kids taken off their hands for a while - but can get very defensive if any mention is made of bad or unacceptable behavior.
@Rachel Rodarte - its a difficult situation that many can identify with I agree with your efforts but the parents don't, which they will regret All children should have rules and chores, makes them a better person Hope you feel better soon x
I agree that discipline should be taught to all children. Many of us come a generation when just looking crossly at your parents would get you a spanking, and if you really did something bad you could get whipped, privileges curtailed, and even banished to your room for days. Today the kids just get a lawyer, and sue for mistreatment. I was lucky that I never had to physically reprimand my children. Although my husband was always telling me to speak up because my voice was so soft, he was the first tell someone that if you think there might be a bit of a growl to my voice, RUN! I don't know when I developed the ability to deepen the sound of my voice to such a degree that even adults will stop at the first sound, but it has always worked for me on kids and adults. Maybe I picked it up from my stepfather, (whom I dearly loved), he was a Texas State Ranger. He was the gentlest man I ever met except for my hubby, but he had a quiet soft voice. When he was displeased he sounded like dangerous bear, but he never laid a hand on me. He always told me that showing respect to others was the best way to get people to hear me, that people automatically closed down when they felt you were belittling them. Mostly I have found this to be true.
I can understand that you are upset, I was the same type of mother with my kids and they turned out great. I'm more fun as a grandma, since it's not my job to raise them. I know you meant well and it was your house the mess was made in but it's a job and the father is the boss. Before I would have agreed to the job I would have asked what his expectations were and what I was allowed in the way of discipline. Time outs? Grounding? Usually in Babysitting the babysitter is responsible for the toys being picked up, she can have the child do it but If the child won't , no parent wants to come home to a mess. Since it was at your house, the father should have paid extra if you had extra work to do because of the child. Maybe this should have been discussed first. I know it's upsetting and I can't stand bratty children either but you have to do what the father wants. Also, maybe the father didn't like his child being outside alone. When I watch my younger grandsons, if they go outside...I go with them and they have a fenced yard. Hope you didn't take this as me being hard on you and you really where doing what's better for the child and trying to teach her but that's not the babysitters job unless it's specifically asked. I don't know the details so this is just a general opinion. Also I don't know where you live but my son pays $20 an hour for a babysitter, true that it's 3 boys.
I raised two kids, not my own, girl aged 10, boy 16, my wife's brother and sister, orphaned, we took them in. The experience, as well as the OP here, reinforces my belief that I was not selfish in deciding to not have children of my own. Frank
My children are everything to me, especially now that I'm a widow. Without them, I would not have had my 5 grandsons either. I get lots of love from all of them. I enjoyed having my children. Can't imagine life without them.
I can understand @Frank Sanoica's attitude concerning having children. Don't get me wrong. I loved my sons, but if my parents hadn't arranged a marriage for me at the age of 13, I pretty sure I would never have married, much less have children. My parents split up at least once a year, and that meant foster homes for me. My half brother always stayed with one or the other of our parents, he being the male, therefore wanted by both my parents. When I got married in '65, birth control was just an idea that at 13 I hadn't even heard of. I loved my children, but at the same time I felt I had been cheated out of the educational career I had wanted since I entered my first day of school. Instead, by the time I was 16, I had two little step-daughters, two sons, and later we adopted a young black boy from the Virgin Islands. Now they've all passed on, but my oldest step-daughter, and I'm hoping to adopt her if I can find an economical way of doing it. She is 52 this month, and when I suggested it, she cried and said it has alway been her greatest wish. I wonder if there is a way for us to do the adoption without lawyers, and their heavy cost.
I never finished college anyway so that never bothered me with my choice to have children. People are getting married later now and starting families later also. Both my children finished 8 years of college, then got married and then a year or two later had children. It's doable but difficult. Both parents work and have somehow worked around their jobs and have been there for my grandsons also. All my grandsons are happy well adjusted kids. My daughter has also been involved in the schools with everything from volunteering to do some of the parties to helping in the big fundraisers for the schools. It's harder when they're small but now my daughter is finally getting a little more time for herself since her boys are older. They are all in Maui now together but in sept. Just my daughter and SIL are going somewhere for a few days and I'm watching the older boys. They do this a few times a year. And about twice a year they go on a family vacation. After I watch my daughters boys, I'm heading straight from her house to Illinois to spend a month at my sons and will be doing a 5 day stint with 3 boys ....that's the hard one...dreading it. Its chaos at my son's house, both of them are Dentists also but have 3 younger boys. But they've worked out a pretty good schedule and it's working. Although they have very little time to just relax. Taking 3 boys to different sporting events and activities after work and weekends isn't the easiest thing. They take vacations with the boys and then they take vacations by themselves and that's when the grandmas help out. I'm going in Sept to watch the 3 boys for 5 days so my son and DIL can have a get away. They also hire a sitter once a week and call it date night and go out for dinner and whatever. My DIL is also involved with that women's club and they both do a lot for the community...giving time and money for different projects. You should see what it's like in the morning there on a schools day. Lunches to be made, breakfast, getting dressed. Getting themselves ready for work, getting the boys to school. They went to different schools for a couple years. The youngest when had a nanny come in but he's older now so another one to take to pre school. On top of all this some mornings my DIL left the house at 5am to go to her Pilates class. It wore me out just watching them. @Ina I. Wonder , I don't know anything about adoption. But you can call around and see what options you have. Is the adoption for legal inheritance issues or just a gesture. I'm sure she feels you were her mother without any paper.
My step-parents/legal guardians were VERY strict with me for the 5 years I lived with them. They never had kids and I came to them at 14 yrs old. I never knew them, before moving in with them, but they were part of my real dads family. Even our neighbor farmer's kids knew how strict they were with me. Anyway, I loved it when I was able to stay at my cousins house for the weekend. We were the same age and their parents weren't nearly as strict. I had a ball on those weekends and didn't have to watch The Lawrence Welk Show on Sat. Night! I couldn't wait to move out, right after high school graduation. I had a job and moved into Ft. Wayne YMCA Hotel. Three weeks later, the Navy called me up. Talking about "strict", the Navy was much more worse than my step-parents/guardians.....but I handled it! My step-parents/guardians did teach me some terrific things, and even though they were very strict with me, that "strictness" has really helped me thru my adult years. Both of them are now passed away, but I will always remember and thank them for what they did to me. Between them and the Navy, my life/personality is good.
Actually, I lived between Ft. Wayne and Churubusco. Other than going to church, on the edge of Ft. Wayne, on Sunday's and living at the downtown YMCA for a few weeks, I had nothing else to do with the city.
@Cody Fousnaugh Fancy that! My wife grew up north of Churubusco, I worked there for Dana Corp., when I met her, spent two years living out of the Key Largo Inn, across the street from Fortmeyers, while building a big machine in 'Busco. Back then, there was still a railroad track crossing 33 north of the Dana Plant. My wife's sister and their mother still live there. Were you along 33 somewhere? I remember Cook Road and Carrol Road. One or the other had a beautiful house built entirely of rock at the intersection with 33. Very few folks have ever heard of Churubusco, when I've talked to them, not even Hoosiers! Frank
I worked at Fortmeyers Truck Stop for a few weeks before the Navy called me up in June 1968. I lived off of 33, on a dirt road. Actually, our house was between 33 and Carrol Road. A high school classmate of mine lived on Carrol Rd, across two corn fields from me. I was in the last graduating class from Huntertown High School. Most of the farms around us were either hogs or beef cattle or both. We had Duroc hogs and a field of corn. Good old Churubusco! Haircuts, banking, gas, groceries and sometimes a Saturday morning breakfast at a small cafe in Busco. Also lived outside Garrett for a number of years. But, was born in the state of NY!