Sibling Rivalry

I have witnessed an unusual sibling rivalry involving my husband. His 2 sisters seemed to be claiming everything that is owned by their parents when they were still alive in the US. One sister took hostage their parents for 2 years without giving their parents the benefit of using the phone (to get in touch with the sons in their home country). When their mother passed away, it was the turn of the other sister to claim the same.

To make the story short, my father in law died a pauper. Now the question is about the pension of their parents. Where did the money go? And the proceeds of the sales of the ancestral house, where did the money go? I was really proud of my husband because he did not lift a finger and just let her greedy sisters get the all the money.

 

Family, what do you say? My sister has our mom and according to her she is the only kid that cares about mom. She has done a good job and I will not be in her way as far as any proceeds from mom estate.

 

My opinion isn't really relevant, because I've never had any brothers or sisters - I was an only child. However, even though this means that I got to keep all the money and the properties my parents had, it got really lonely at times when I was young.

 

I wonder if when your husband's sisters are ever happy? Is it that bad in America that people begin to allow love to "wax old" til there is none left? Has your husband expressed his disappointments with them? At my father's funeral, we all shared with the expenses. While our father was alive, we all shared, voluntarily, equal support and help towards our elderly parents. No questions asked. And we, siblings, and I miss each other.

A commend you husband. Of course, with the loving and kind support of his wife. :-D

 

My husband is very patient when it comes to family problems. He would always say that he is not going to stoop down to the level of his sisters - their greed for money. In fact, when my father in law passed away and his older brother in the US emailed him about being short of money for the funeral expenses, my husband just shrugged his shoulder and did not reply. He could asked where the millions (in pesos) of my father went and even the monthly pension since the medical and hospitalization expenses were free.

Your voluntary sharing is admirable compared with my husband's family. I also have slight problems concerning that voluntary sharing of expenses but I would reserve that for my next posting. I need to rest my mind a bit.

 

When my mom passed away in 2014 my family was completely ripped apart. I have five sisters and now I only have two that I still talk to. The other three were consumed with greed. Mom didn't have a whole lot but they thought they should have gotten more. They began to spread terrible lies and rumors about the rest of us. They trashed us to other family members. It was ridiculous. I made the decision to walk away from it all. I could never disrespect my mom the way they have. I really don't know how they sleep at night.

 

My mom died in a nursing home. I had been living with her and caring for her as best I could. When her money ran out I was told I had to sell her house. Certain relatives kept insisting, since I was living there and caring for her, I could keep the house. I hired a lawyer who told me I had to sell, that I should have acted sooner to save the house. Relatives kept insisting I could keep the house. I lost my temper with them, telling them fine, you hire the lawyer that can save it.

Then, my brother decided he would buy it. I told him fine, do the legal stuff involved and I moved out because he was anxious to start remodeling projects while arranging loans etc.

A few months later he showed up begging me to let him out of the deal. I would have to move back in until I could sell the place, because of some of the outlaw neighbors. Well, I was moving back into a house that looked like it had been trashed. Carpets were gone, curtains and blinds, gone. No stove, refrigerator, washer, dryer. One room was partially painted and some of the plumbing had been dismantled, why, I have no idea. All dad's tools and lawn mowers were gone. I was supposed to live in and sell a trashed house.

Well, my dear daughter came to my rescue. She wanted her own house and had a good job. She was able to arrange a loan and got it for a good price. The nursing home got all the money but daughter got the house my dad built by himself. She has since made many improvements.

My brother won't come around nor respond to my calls and I broke off contact with his wife as well. When I was caring for mom I bought her a larger TV because she was having trouble seeing the screen on her smaller one. I paid for it myself with MY money. Later I bought a camcorder with my money. SIL accused me of using mom's money for my use.

So, I have since retired from some of my family.

 

@Ike Willis, this may sound ironic but I'm glad to know that my husband's situation with his siblings is not an isolated case. As what @Susan Brown said, it's all about greed. That's also what I saw in the siblings of my husband. I could feel that they want the inheritance all for themselves. It's not nice to say it but for the sake of truth, I would say that the 3 siblings have benefited from the money of my father-in-law. We still cannot come to terms that the old man would die poor since he had a lot of money from the proceeds of the ancestral home.

@Ike Willis, it's a good thing that your daughter has the money to rescue the house which looked abandoned and forlorn. Gee, that would be lesser in value in that condition. And I agree that you have to retire from your family and live at peace by yourself and your own family.

 

Your husband is very wise man. It's senseless to fight over the assets that may not even exist. It is sad to know that your husband parents lived the end of their lives in such harshness. Greed does strange things to people. Sorry to hear of your in-laws passing.

 

We went through the same thing with both sides of my family. My parents were each cheated out of their rightful inheritances. My mom's dad had died years ago, on my first day of kindergarten, but her mom was alive until i was around 25. There was a rift in the family because my aunt got my grandmother to sign over the house to her for $1 while she was out of it, recuperating from surgery. My grandmother had made her wishes well known, that the house was to be sold and divided amongst the children. I don't remember if the shares of the ones who had passed away prior to that were to go to their children, or revert to the other siblings. My aunt did the same as mentioned by @Susan Brown, dividing up the family members with lies and rumors, and it was never the same. There are only two left, my mom and my Godmother, who was on the other side, but she and my mom speak now, although they're not all that close.

My dad's father was fairly well to do, and his one daughter ended up with it all, so it was somewhat similar to my mom's story, except that with my dad's family, his father was actually living in my parents' house, in the downstairs apartment, pretty much rent free. My grandfather had set up a bank account for my brother, because he was to be the one to carry on the family name. There was nothing like that set up for us, nor for most of the other grandchildren. My aunt came in while my grandfather was lying dying on the floor, cleaned out the place of valuables, and went and emptied my brother's bank account, which she was also named on, since they needed an adult's name on the account. She also stole his rent houses, and then tied up the apartment in my parents' house for 2 years, so they not only didn't inherit anything, they lost income, and had to pay for attorneys to deal with my crazy aunt. After all that, my crazy aunt, who was the executrix of the estate, refused to pay for my grandfather's funeral. She did the same years later, when their mother died, as well. In that case, it was my crazy aunt against my dad and the rest of the siblings, so we weren't cut off from half the family like we were in my mom's situation.

 

Greed is not confined to America, Avigail.

 

That's a good point, @Joe Riley. I'm sure there are similar stories all over the world. Actually, we wouldn't even be living in America if my grandmother hadn't stolen her sister's identity and ticket to the U.S., and come here in her stead.

 

You are right, @Joe Riley. At the time of my commenting to @Corie Henson, I was thinking of the families who are living overseas (any country where grass is greener), and Corrie's husband's families and elderly parents in the Philippines are having trouble with finances and struggle with living conditions (some).

But thank you for pointing that out, Joe.

 

After reading several of these post, I guess I', not the only one who has had problems with the family. My mother had her favorite daughter who did no wrong, prefect from head to toe. Anyway, at the beginning she was fine living my herself, as she got older, my brother was living with her and he was the one who was taking care of her.(it was the other way around).

When I would go visit, she was always cooking for him, I was ask her why, and her answer was because he is hungry, he is over 50 years old and she is still babying him. There are 3 of us. Her daughter, my brother and myself. He called me one day and asked if we mind moving in with my mother, so that I can take care of her. I asked him what happen to the daughter? He said that my mother didn't want to bother her because she worked and had to tend to her family, how dare I ask about her, she has a life.

We talked it over with my mother and she kind of agree that we move in. (Me and mother have always bumped heads, I always felt I never did anything right) My husband agree to move in, he said if that's what you need to do, than we will. I had to quit my job, so I didn't have any money coming in, and we were just making it with his pay. When I asked my mother if she would mine if I could call someone in the county to get information so that I could get paid, she said no, because she didn't want anyone know how much money she had, and she refused to pay me. I had so many problems with her, finally towards the end of 2013, we all had to agree to place in a nursing/convalescent home, I couldn't care for anymore, not that I didn't want to but she was getting to the point where she was not responding to me.

Both her daughter and my brother thought it was easy to change her diaper, I told them, when she needs to be change both of you do it. They finally realized that it wasn't that easy. So her final days were at the hospital. I told my husband it her/daughter's turn to go see her and be there for her. I almost forgot, during the 12 years that I care for her she hardly ever showed up. During the holiday, it was a miracle if she came to visit her. (during these years we didn't talk to each other) instead she would have flowers delivered to her. You're probably wondering about my brother, he never came to visit either, only if he had a doctor appointment.

My mother always made up excuses as to why they never came by. Well she passed in January 2014. My mother was the type of person to take care of business, she had everything paid for, funeral, plot etc. the only thing we paid for was the thing they place the casket in, that's made of cement, (don't know what they call it). So, her daughter was there on the day she passed, we got a phone call, and all she said was, tell her my mom has passed away. What got me mad, was that she didn't even ask me to help out with the arrangement, music, yes she knew what kind of music she like, but she didn't know what her favorite song were. She got together with the other side of family and made all the decisions.

My mother had a small fortune and it was divide among the three of us. Her daughter did keep the rest of the money in her bank account, didn't bother to say, since you took care of her she can have was she left. I've never seen anyone who money hungry, at first I was mad,but after talking to my husband, he told me, not to worry about the money, because you were there for her and she wasn't. We did talk for a while and she has her mother picture up, I have the same picture but I don't have up any where.

The sad thing about my mother, was that before she passed away, she was giving relatives little things that has kept, when I asked her if I could have her record player, she told me no, I also asked about her albums, she told me that she already had told my brother he could have them. She also had this tin box full of old dimes and nickels from back in the 50's, for sure I was going to get it. Guess what, I didn't. I'm getting over all this slowly but surely, at times I do get mad, but it's not worst it. And now I only talk to my brother, I tell him, we not "high society" like her, . it's okay, I have my brother.