Forgiveness Day is observed on June 26, 2017. The day is easily confused with International Forgiveness Day and Global Forgiveness Day in August. However, certainly any day that reminds people to forgive makes the world a more peaceful place. To join in Forgiveness Day's activities it is recommended to truly forgive someone. www.cute-calendar.com Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. - John F. Kennedy
I agree @Patsy Faye , but sometimes this can be harder than we think. I use to belong to a group called Bridges To Life, www.bridgestolife.org This is a group that started in Houston, Texas in the middle of the '90's, and now they've expanded to many other states. This group visits men and women in prison that have been sentenced to 25 years to life for crimes that varied from rape to murder. All of the volunteers were victims of such crimes. For me, it was my oldest son. He was murdered in '93. I stayed with them for almost five years before I burnt out. I've been thinking of rejoining, but I'm just not sure if I'm up to it again. It was a very draining experience.
I could never do that I watch many factual programmes on crime and as devastating as it is to watch, the thing victims families and I share is grief - a lifetime sentence I know some Christian families 'forgive' that's their choice @Ina I. Wonder
@Patsy Faye , at first I thought the same thing, but as it turned out, it was the only way I could let go of so much pain. And, yes it has been a life sentence for my son's extended family. I know that I never go one day without thinking of what happened. After a while, people expect you to get over such acts, mainly because they have never had to deal with such pain. For many people, (me), after awhile, this kind of pain continually builds, but no one wants to hear it. So we are left to deal with the pain on our own, and generally this kind of pain can literally eat you alive. Most offenders, once sentenced don't have to deal with their crimes anymore, except to mark the time until they get out. This program forced the inmates to talk about their crimes without the luxury of being able to say, "It wasn't my fault.", or " They made me do it because ...". It made them admit to what they not only did to their victims, but to the mothers, fathers, wives, sons, daughter, sisters, brothers, and ... We went twice a week for 3 to 6 months with each group, and the prison return rate for these inmates is very low. Being a member of our groups was never a requirement for the inmates, and they never received any compensations, not even an atta boy. You can bet that we were not about trying to make them feel better, nor were any of the volunteers asked to forgive anyone. I had a choice, cry forever, or do what I could to try and change a few things. But I do believe it had much to do with why I fell to pieces in '14, when I lost my second son and husband. This time there was no such outlet, and if not for @Yvonne Smith, I don't think I would have made it.
Sorry to hear of your experience and if the programme helped, that can only be good I am not convinced though. The programmes I watch, tell me the only time the families can move on is when the culprit is caught and sentenced. A lot of relatives go on to voluntary work for other victims If a close person to me was raped, murdered - I would 'never' forgive, the thing that would help me move on is keeping their memory and seeing justice. God is the one to forgive if he sees fit - not me
@Patsy Faye , those are the very reasons I joined, because I had everyone of those feelings. But they didn't go away when the perpetrator went to prison. There was no trial, he plead out, or as some call it taking a plea bargain. Victim Services were just getting a started around here at the time, and our "case" was one of the first that had happened to a young Army serviceman, who had two small children, and was considered an upstanding citizen of our city. Just what they were looking for. Since there was no trial, there was only the sentencing day. Victim Services called and asked my family if we could be sure to go, and to please take my 9 year old granddaughter and six year old grandson. I told them I wasn't too comfortable taking them to the courtroom, but they assured me that they would make sure my son's family were pointed out first thing upon court opening, and we could remove the children before anything else was done. It didn't work that way. As soon as court opened, the judge decided to reprimand the new Victim Services department, and then she proceeded to tell off my whole family, and to remove my grandchildren. Of course my grandchildren thought "they" were going to jail. Not satisfying at all, and my anger took over. For several years I tried to get on with my life, I still had two grandchildren that needed raising. Then Victims Services called me and asked me if I would consider joining Bridges To Life. At first I resisted, mainly because I wasn't into helping any criminal, much less the worst of them. Eventually John Sage, (The originator of the group), came to my home and explained to me that forgiveness wasn't a requirement. The main goal was to get the inmates to except and take responsibility for what they did. To help other victim's families get some kind of recovery. Sometimes it is the only help families such as mine would receive. Things were so bad for me that I even went to the prison to see, speak to, and film a two day, (four hour sessions), meeting with my son's murderer. Before that day, I always wondered if my son in any way could have prevented what happened. After that day, I made sure I was there for every parole hearing to make sure he stay where he was, in prison. He just got out this year. One year early, but I was able to get him put on three years parole. That was the cost of my agreeing to his getting out of prison one year early. Of course there is much more to the program, but it would take a lot more of an explanation than I can give on a forum. But I do know that being involved in such a group helped many families deal with such pain, and they were my focus, and I know for a fact that being part of the group helped my case as far as the parole board was concerned. He would have been out in less than 10 years, instead of the 24 I worked so hard to make sure happened.
If it helped to get him to 'stay' in prison longer, then yes - good Imagine though meeting the man that raped and murdered your little girl ................... An elderly couple here answered the door to 3 young men that burst through They 'tortured' that couple for hours, just for the pleasure of it, including tying them up boiling the kettle to pour boiling water over them Yes they wanted money but the cruelty tells me they can rot in jail. This couple will never recover. Far too many like this couple and I feel its an injustice when people demonstrate loudly, their commitment to the offenders rights and feelings. (not referring to you here) We have a spate of acid attacks over here, growing by the year, how vile is that ! Would I go and visit such a ............ No, I would not Cruelty must never become the norm and should be absolutely condemned
I totally agree with you @Patsy Faye, and that's why we need programs that are geared more towards the victims than the perpetrators. People always seem so surprised when the parents, children, or other members of a victim's family commit suicide. But most people don't understand the pain and frustration that just seems to go on and on forever, and sometimes it does seem like the the public only cares for the bad guy and his rights. I've heard inmates commenting that the American prison system is better than Medicaid. They actually do get better medical, dental, and housing than most of our homeless people do. It's a travesty! I wish things were different, but they will not change until we can make the public see what is the real fallout to the general public. We need to stop letting these kind of criminals plead out. They should have to face a trial and jury, and they should be made to face those that they harmed, or at least the families left behind. They should not be allowed to duck the responsibilities of their crimes. And, I do understand the outrage of such heinous crimes as you mentioned. My son was killed in such a brutal manner that I we couldn't even let the children know what happened to their father until they were in their twenties. As you can tell, I'm an advocate for us, and not the criminal. As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and I know change has to start with me, you, and the public. We must change our laws. Thank you Patsy for allowing me to tell others that this is up to each of us to push for change in our criminal justice system.
Since I'm very much "pro" law enforcement and legal system, what type of changes are you talking about? To me, I think some of society has to change, not the system.
@Cody Fousnaugh , I too am pro law inforcement. That is why I advocate so strongly for the victims. Yes, there was a day when our prisons were as bad as some of the inmates, but we seem to have gone from one extreme to the other. A big start would be to not allow crimes of this magnitude to be plead out. Yes, I know it helps to clear the court dockets, but there are many other kinds of crime that do not involve physically harming others that would allow for clearing the court systems. We are the system, and only we can change it.