Are They Drunkards?

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Frank Sanoica, Sep 23, 2018.

  1. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Supreme Member
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    My sister, 12 years older than I, and her husband, drank excessively, daily. Yet the BIL successfully motored an 8800 gallon tank truck daily around Chicagoland. Never got a DUI that I'm aware of.

    My sister is remembered by her son while in high school, his GF and he stepping over her comatose being on the LR floor, bound for the "upper addits" as we called the brothers' bedroom. These were extremes I never witnessed, save for the BIL ranting and raving in drunken stupor, so often it was accepted as the norm.

    His daughters once kept track down in the basement, where his beer was kept, claiming on that Saturday he had consumed 35 cans. The man carried the beer to the garage in a paper bag when engaged in doing light maintenance on their Suburban, lest the neighbors "see".

    This man was revealed to me to have physically hurt my sister at least weekly, coming home after ditching the tanker, lit to the gills, twisting her arms behind her, while their son Mike cringed in his bedroom. He revealed this to me only many years later; he was under 10 then.

    My sister died from the results of lifelong smoking at 65. Her bastard husband, having quit smoking many years earlier, finally took the dive at 88. I marveled at how he could have lived that long.

    So, familial comparisons.....do I drink? Sure. When? Only at very carefully prescribed times. Why? Dunno. When, again? Only before bedtime. An acquaintance once told me that the most serious symptom of alcoholism was drinking "alone". I wondered about that, back then, 40 years ago.

    As I write this, I admit to having consumed an inordinate amount of alcohol; a beer, swig of wine, a gulp of vodka after pouring two jiggers to be mixed with caffeine-free diet cola, no clear concept if asked of amount of alky consumed.

    Judge me now by my writing here. "Slurred"? No, but "rambling", yeah, definitely. Do I know where I'm going with this? Hell, yes! I'm seeking opinion on internet drunkenness. Detectable? Despicable? Or, Delectable.

    Who else here drinks and writes? C'mon, 'fess up!

    None? Commendable.

    Me? Deplorable, then.

    Frank
     
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  2. Don Alaska

    Don Alaska Supreme Member
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    Frank, I have always liked the definition of alcoholism taught me in the U.S. Navy when I served. They said if you can drink two of your favorite alcoholic drinks every night for seven days, no more and no less, then you are not an alcoholic. The Navy said that alcoholics can go for months or years stone sober, but if they have two drinks, they cannot stop until they are truly drunk. I have seen this and it seems true to me. I had a friend once who was an alky, and he could be sober for years, but if he fell off the wagon, he would be drunk for days and couldn't seem to stop until someone stopped him either in jail or in the hospital. The Navy has a couple centuries of experience dealing with drunks and should know their business.
     
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  3. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Supreme Member
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    In other posts I have written that I am married to an alcoholic. He is what is termed a functional alcoholic because he can go to work without drinking and do many other things without drinking too. But when he is finished working and doing those other things he feels he has the right to drink, and once he starts he cannot just have one of two....but drinks until he either falls asleep or there is no beer left.

    There are other alcoholics who drink from the moment they get up until the moment they pass out...and then wake up and start the cycle all over again. These alcoholics usually cannot keep a job, function well in a marriage or relationship and do not think about who they might hurt or kill when they drink or drive.

    Then there is the binge alcoholic who can actually go weeks, months, sometimes years without having a drink...but then has that first drink and can not stop drinking until the binge is over.

    My husband drinks beer every day and as he has gotten older and I have set strict boundaries for what I will and won't tolerate in our marriage with his drinking, he has tempered his drinking for the most part and actually drinks less now....unless there is what he considers a "party time" reason to drink more. Like right now while his friend in his before he heads to Florida for the winter season. It's party time now and he is drinking twice as much as he usually does. The other night because of his poorer vision and being soused he fell on the concrete and scraped up his face and legs pretty bad and I was really upset because this is about the 3rd time this has happened and he could end up cracking his skull open, becoming a vegetable or even killing himself. So now we are having to set a new boundary for party time. Because I love this man of mine and am not ready to lose him yet...or have him be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

    Alcoholics can be mean and nasty, violent and hurtful, funny as hell, sloppy and staggering, etc. They come in all shapes and sizes. But they all have one thing in common. Once they take that first drink they cannot stop like normal people can and will drink until they pass out, etc.

    My alcoholic is a fine, loving, and responsible man when he's not drinking. And when he is drinking he is not mean or violent....but likes to talk more but then gets sloppy and stupid. That's when I tell him goodnight and leave him to himself. It's one of the boundaries I've set up so we can live peacefully together. I could not live with an alcoholic that started drinking the moment he awakes until he passes out, or doesn't keep a job or stay sober for most of the day time. Another boundary we have agreed on and set is that no hard liquor is allowed in our home and he cannot drink any hard liquor if we go to a party where they have this. He can get ugly if he drinks hard liquor...I experienced that once and told him I would never experience it again...and because of the boundary I haven't.

    My alcoholic is teachable and knows he has to adhere to the boundaries if he wants our marriage to continue. I am happy that as he has aged he just isn't able to hold as much beer as he used too so except for rare occasions now his alcoholism isn't a problem in our marriage anymore. I wish he wasn't an alcoholic...but the good in him out weighs that and I'm keeping him. We all have some kind of problem. Alcohol just happens to be his.
     
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  4. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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    Been there, do that ...... he has controlled drinking for years... only ultimatum I have ever given him.. hospital or jail, your choice.
     
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  5. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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    When I was single,I drank way too much on the weekends,out at clubs.Only once did I ever buy alcohol and have any at home. After doing
    that i decided that, i did not want to keep liquor that close to me, so never kept it again. On average now, i drink um maybe 2-3 times a month.
    Sometimes a good stiff drink just loosens you up and makes you happy ONE not 2-3 4 etc. Those days are gone. Not a big beer drinker, is very good ice cold with certain foods, but not to just keep drinking on. Long Island tea is delicious, but yikes skip the straw :eek:, got bombed quick that way, few years back, hubby came home, and oh Lordy i was feeling sooo good and all smiley faced.Skip the straw.
    @Frank Sanoica ..be careful .. something is bothering you, and alcohol is not the answer. I can barely type correctly sober Frank.
    Your a good person Frank, you're just a bit down for now...do not let the strong drink hold you down :)
     
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  6. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Supreme Member
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    I'm tee-total... just hate the taste of alcohol..beer, lager, wine spirits, doesn't matter I hate the taste. For some reason it seems to upset people that I don't drink, and I'm forever having to bat away the suggestion that I should '' just have a little taste you'll like it''..no I won't, I can hardly bear the smell in the glass never mind the taste!!
     
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  7. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Supreme Member
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    In my younger years I went out and partied and drank alcohol just like so many young people do. When I married and had children those days were over although I did and do enjoy an ice cold beer with a great pizza or with a seafood boil. And a glass of champagne at a wedding reception or anniversary celebration, etc. is fine with me too. I used to really enjoy a salted rim on a frozen margarita with when I dined at a Mexican Restaurant too. My digestive system can not "stomach" the hard liquor anymore and I hardly ever have a cold beer or glass of champagne anymore either...just because I have enough "alcohol" in my daily life with my husband drinking it. :)

    Yet next Sunday my middle daughter has made a luncheon date with me and she is taking me anywhere I want to eat and paying for my meal too. So maybe I will enjoy a nice cold beer with my pizza (if that's where I choose to eat) since I won't have to feel stressed that my husband will be there too drinking 3 beers to the one I might have.

    I also used to enjoy a good glass of wine and even though I know red wine is supposed to actually be good for you in moderation...I don't want to start doing that either. As I said we already have to much alcohol being consumed in our home and I don't see the need for anymore being added to it.
     
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  8. Thomas Stearn

    Thomas Stearn Veteran Member
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    My father was a drunkard by our standards. He died when we (me and my twin brother) were 12. I remember feeling ashamed when I had to buy his quantum of beer (ten 0.33 bottles of beer for the weekend). He'd bring a bottle of hard liquor himself. I don't know what he drank during the week. I also felt ashamed when my class mates were seeing me home after school and my father opened the door obviously half-drunk and sometimes with his trousers wet. There were the usual dramas at home but he did not abuse nor beat us or our mother.
    His death at 63 (my age now) had two effects: for our mom the best part of her life began and my bother and me had learned a lesson: to make sure not to follow in his footsteps by being careful about alcohol. The last time I was drunk was on 1 March 1975. I was in the army and after the boot camp we were having a pass for the first time in weeks. We were having some pints in a tavern and my comrades must have poured hard liquor into my glass each time I was away. So I learnt later. That did it. The memory of that always made me stop drinking more than two pints of beer or one glass of wine ever since. That was the quantum which I could tolerate until about three years ago. Since then I virtually have had to abstain from any alcohol because of medication. I never ever tolerated hard liquor of any kind.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
  9. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    I like beer.
    If there was a healthy non-alcohol beer that tastes like real beer I would probably opt for it but there is not nor can be a real beer that fits those qualifications.
    My body hates alcohol, my brain can’t function well with alcohol and yup, everybody knows when someone is drinking and in particular......when I drink.
    So, what’s the option?
    Do I wish to be healthy? Yup.
    Do I wish to be able to enter the amateur seniors bodybuilding competition at a later date? Yes to that too.
    Do I want to think straight instead of killing off a few million brain cells? Uh huh.
    Could I ever control the amount of beer I consumed when I did drink? Probably but I never wanted to.

    So the answer is simple. No to alcohol and yes to life and to have it more abundantly.
     
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  10. Thomas Stearn

    Thomas Stearn Veteran Member
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    I wondered what that might be? Real bodybuilding like pumping iron?
     
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  11. Beatrice Taylor

    Beatrice Taylor Veteran Member
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    When I was a kid my father and uncles all drank too much and were IMO functional alcoholics.

    IMO it was a different time and men of that era drank to blot out the images of war, the hard drudgery of jobs and the realization that they had traded the dreams of their youth for a wife and kids at too early an age.

    When I was a teenager the drinking age was 18 and going out drinking was the big form of entertainment in our small town world. That continued when I entered the workforce with Friday night happy hours and other work-related functions that included large amounts of alcohol. Since I stopped working my drinking has tapered off to 2-3 drinks per year and I'm ok with that.

    Smoking, drinking, drugs, casual sex, etc... Were all things that my grandmother referred to as: "Trudging up fool's hill!"
     
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  12. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    Yes sir and a lot of it every other day. My upper arms alone went from around 10” almost 4 years ago to 19 1/2” at present and fully pumped.
    And yes, I am a squeaky clean bodybuilder and not a pin cushion. :)
     
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  13. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Supreme Member
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    191/2 inches...wow that's HUGE !! put that cake down right now Bobby ;):D:D
     
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  14. Thomas Stearn

    Thomas Stearn Veteran Member
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    Not necessary. He can afford it then. ;)
     
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  15. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    Ah, but if only eating cake could help build that kind of muscle mass, I would have it delivered every morning before I start coffee. :)
    Love that Sarah Lee................
     
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    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
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