I'm not to sure about my title for this post but I'm just wondering how y'all feel about this. Do you consider a real friend someone who will always be honest with you even if it might hurt you. For example...say they knew your husband was having an affair on you. Would you want them to tell you that or would you rather they not say anything and let you find out for yourself? Or if you hurt them, etc. would you want them to tell you? Or just keep it to yourself? What does real friendship consist of to you? For me personally I want my friends to always be honest with me. And I want them to tell me if something involves my life and I don't know about it. Yes, it might hurt me....but to me a real friend is loyal to you and that in my book means being honest about things. Even it that honesty might cause me pain.
I am totally on the honesty side, I am someone who is often too honest for my own good, and I have had to learn over time to be more subtle at times, but a good friend for me is someone who understands that when I'm being honest and not hurtful.. ...and for me a friend is someone who will always remain loyal to me, that means more than anything to me in a friendship. I want to be able to trust someone to always have my back as I do theirs , sadly it's often the case that Loyalty seems to be in short supply...
I don 't really know. I never had a longtime friend. I think I would want a friend to be honest with me, but there could be circumstances where total honesty might not be the path to take. I'd have to say I lack qualifications to give a definite answer. Sorry.
So if your friend knew for sure that your husband was having an affair on you....would you want that friend to tell you Holly?
Maybe I should say it this way Bill...if your friend knew your wife was having an affair would you want that friend to tell you or just let you find out for yourself?
Now I definitely want to say this...my husband is not having an affair on me...that's not why I used that as an example. It's just a good example because in the past I have known people who actually stopped being friends with the person who was honest enough to tell them that truth when everyone else knew it and was talking about it behind her back, etc. I would want my friend to tell me that if she knew it to be true and I actually would be upset if she didn't tell me.
While I value honesty, I think there are times when honesty can hurt without any added benefit. I don't have a lot of experience in this area, but I'm thinking that when someone is cheating on their spouse, the spouse is probably aware of it. He or she may not know all of the details but it might hurt even more to know that others are aware of it too. On the other hand, knowing that a friend was helping to keep it a secret could be a problem too. I don't know that there is one answer that fits every occasion. There aren't too many people who are more honest than a young child, but kids eventually learn that it's best not to voice everything that comes to mind.
And sometimes when someone KNOWS that others know the secret, it may prevent reconciliation that would have occurred otherwise.
As a child got the dickens whooped out of me...I lied about everything that might would get me in trouble. As I aged I realized lying was not the way to go...however my parents failed to tell me that um white lies were ok ? Being truthful as a grown person has got me in trouble even more. I did learn to have some tact in some areas.But once after telling a boss what I had told another boss about not having sold something on purpose...he said to me..Gloria you dont ever tell another boss that....um well he asked...I answered. Damned if you do or don't. As for answer to Babs question...um not really sure...that is treading in very high water and the out come could be disastrous either way. Guess it would depend on the nature of the friend before I would contemplate that one.
If the friend was someone who I knew was loyal, trustworthy and only had my best interests at heart , yes I would want them to tell me.. I wouldn't however want to hear it from an acquaintance who might have some kind of ulterior motive...
I should add that if someone asked me, I'd be more inclined to answer and to answer honestly, but I don't believe that information should be volunteered in every occasion.
There is such a thing as “brutal” honesty and that which I deem as simple honesty. Brutal honesty gives the REAL answer when a lady of the house asks if her skirt makes her rear end look too big. Simple honesty is giving the “with or without the skirt, I really like your rear end”. Brutal honest is “your husband is having sex with Gladys at lunch everyday in room 210 at the Fairmont”. Simple honesty is “ I bumped into George when he and another lady were walking into the Fairmont yesterday at noon”. As for me, I’m extremely blunt and I know it but I do try (sometimes) to ease up a little if I know that someone cannot bear up under the full facts of the matter. And yes, I do honor a fully honest person even if it might sting a little. I’m a big boy and I wear big boy pants and life hasn’t always been kind so if I need to hear it.....so be it..
I believe in being honest. Before I stuck my nose into someone's relationship I would want to be certain of the facts and then I would approach the person doing the cheating not the person being cheated on.
If my friend found out that my husband was having an affair, I'd rather she didn't tell me. I think that I and most women would know, anyway. If not, the affair would probably end soon. They almost always do. I'd sure that many men have had affairs and ended them without their wives ever knowing about it. The family stayed together and the children didn't have to suffer the agony of divorce. If I asked a friend about my looks, etc. , I would hope that she would use simple honesty as @Bobby Cole said.