I feel very disrespected by my significant other. He refuses to go to the dentist to get his teeth cleaned. I met him 7 years ago on MeetUp dot com, and one of the things I wrote there -- which he did NOT read! -- was that having a man who took good care of his teeth and got them cleaned by the dentist was of primary importance to me. I reminded him of that yesterday, and the guy accused me of being (his words) "over the top." I am trying to decide what to do. It appears now that he will never get them cleaned again. It's been two years since he got them cleaned and he thinks it's amazing and weird that I know how long it's been. I am seething and livid with anger at this guy now. I am planning to tell him later today, when he's available by phone, that I want to take some Time Out from our relationship. I wonder if there are any other people here to feel, as I do, that having one's teeth professionally cleaned is important to a relationship. I know that, by kissing someone who doesn't get their teeth cleaned, periodontal disease can be passed to the other person. Oh, and by the way, 6 years ago I broke up with him for a year because he had halitosis. I got back together with him, and put up with the halitosis for 3 YEARS. He finally got his mouth so it didn't gross me out. But I don't know if his sweet breath has continued, because nowadays my sense of smell has disappeared. I can't smell good or bad smells anymore. We are both 77 years of age.
Welcome, @Kitty Dee! I am one who enjoys getting his teeth cleaned, although I have had times in my life when I couldn't get it done or couldn't afford it. My wife hates it and limits her cleanings to once annually. It is an expensive proposition here and costs close to $200 each time, even without a dentist exam. It can be done at the university in Anchorage as part of their dental hygienist training program, but I seldom go into Anchorage unless there is no other option. At the university it is done by students and costs $25. When I lived in rural Alaska it was impossible. Good luck getting your SO to the dentists. As you know, oral hygiene affects not only teeth and gums, but heart and perhaps other organs as well.
Hello and welcome @Kitty Dee. It never crossed my mind that not taking care of you teeth could be hazardous to your 'better half' until I found this that relates to your dilemma. Research has shown that periodontal disease is caused by the inflammatory reaction to bacteria under the gums, so periodontal disease technically may not be contagious. However, the bacteria that cause the inflammatory reaction can be spread through saliva. Is periodontal disease contagious? | Perio.org https://www.perio.org/node/224 As far as your dilemma it's a very sensitive one and being honest I dare not comment.
Thanks, Holly and Van. Thanks for the welcome. I've probably posted here in the past, but it's been a long time. Really nice of you both to write me about this sensitive issue. Van, as for expense, there are low cost options where we live, and I have sent him a list of four low cost clinics. Three times in the 7 years (minus the year I broke up with him) we have known each other, I had finally convinced him to get his teeth cleaned. But time goes by, a year, more months, another year, and the same issue rears its ugly head again. When he told me yesterday that my position is "over the top" that really got me to thinking that if he does get his teeth cleaned, it will be because I "force" him to. This is no way to have a relationship, in my opinion. I'm planning to take time off from the relationship, and will tell him that either on the phone this evening, or tomorrow in person. I'm fed up, because I know this: Let's say he does get his teeth cleaned in the near future. The whole refusal routine will repeat itself next year. I'm sick and tired of is, and, as I said in my first post here, I feel very disrespected. This is the second relationship I've had with a man who didn't take good care of his teeth. I may sign up again for Match dot com. Or I may decide I don't need a man in my life at all. I really want a musician, since I'm one and I would love to have a partner who accompanies me/jams with me and my musician friends.
@Kitty Dee ... if your not married to to him, i say wash your hands of him, and go find someone you can smooch with confidence while you still can teeth are very important and so are the health of our gums. Trust me , I have periodontal disease even though I brush and floss religiously ! Doctor said I am just one of those that has the worse kind of bacteria....BUT I do not have bad breathe .
Hello, Gloria, thanks for the encouragement!!! That's exactly how I feel about it. Wash my hands of him. I think I'd be better off with no man in my life at all, than this one. I've already called him and told him on the phone that I'm taking time out from our relationship, and why. I'm so sorry that you have periodontal disease. As we get older, medical things "creep up on us," don't they. I have acid reflux and it's a real nuisance.
@Kitty Dee Intros superfluous, ya been here almost a year! Ha! Your "predicament" is escapable, IMHO. But, be cautious of "common property" law where you live. If 7 years or longer together, married or not, ALL the property acquired during that time goes half and half. One can stand to lose a lot. Other question is one of companionship: are you comfortable with being alone? Last, safety. Do you feel safe when alone? Frank
My father had near perfect teeth. I think maybe one filling in his 50's. Would never get his teeth cleaned. To be fair, teeth cleanings were a new thing when you consider he was born in 1919. Then his teeth started getting loose, maybe in his early 70's. One or two you could just pull out with your hand. Eventually they all got loose. Still no cavities. I suspect periodontal disease. He never would tell us what the dentist said. He could never get used to wearing dentures. I think they try to schedule cleanings a little too often, but my father's experience led me to try to have it done at least whenever I have to see the dentist for something else. Maybe try asking him just to get it done once and see how it goes. He might end up losing all his teeth prematurely.
@Nancy Hart My Dad's kid brother, my Uncle Jim, living alone in retirement in WI, still had all his teeth at 80, had never been to a dentist in his entire life, never a cleaning, never a cavity, his teeth sparkled! He believed in rinsing with mouthwash, which contained alcohol, and said he knew his teeth bwere clean because they squeaked when rubbed together! Maybe one in a million? Frank
Kitty - I think you've settled for second best but you can change that You are obviously not happy in this relationship and you will both end up miserable Sort out this mess now and join a social group Good luck !