Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, “Mabel, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Mabel answered, “I have? suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.
Three sisters aged 76, 78, 80 live in a house together. One night the 80-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs “was I getting in or out of the bath?”. The 78-year-old yells back “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells “was I going up the stairs or down?” The 76-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure and then yells “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door”.
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally, the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and it had a pearl worth $50,000 …..please advise” The old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap”