I can only speak from experience when I was teased by kids and one decided to shove me down and call me a retarded freak. The shoving person was a bully, the others just kids being kids. I agree that teasing in itself cannot be considered bullying and be punishable under the same standards. There is several degrees of teasing. It is difficult sometimes to determine if teasing is from attention getting, ignorance, or outright hate.Same with physical actions I consider bullying.
All I can say is it helped me. I got on the school bus one time with a lot of static in my hair and it stuck out. This older boy who I thought was really cute, called me wire hair. From that day forward, I licked my palms and smoothed down my hair when I saw the bus coming. To this day, I never leave my house or get out of a car without checking my hair. No joke. Also, I have a neighbor who is always upset because the kids at school bully her grandson and call him a wuss. I've met him. He IS a wuss. If someone isn't allowed to tell him, he's going to be that guy who goes through life never having friends or a girlfriend or being cool in any way because he's a whiney ninny. Sometimes, it's helpful to let kids correct each other.
To my way of thinking, elementary school kids are mostly just little savages trying to learn the ways of the "herd." So a bit of teasing, pushing the limits, etc. are to be expected in children in that age group. It's the high schoolers who are disconcerting with the harsh bullying tactics, social media attacks, etc. I don't know what the answer to that is except that parents need to take the initiative to find out what their children are up to.
In my opinion there wouldn't be many bullies, if there weren't those who cheer them on, admire them, make excuses for them. Most of the cheerleader types can be taught early on as kids. There's where the shaming should come in. "Shame on you for cheering this person (the bully) on." It seems very similar to the gang mentality. The bully is only the gang leader. Something lacking in their character. They need the support of a group to feel worthy. A few people never grow out of it, but most do.
The for me only thing I ever saw stop the bullying was as my dad and uncle said was to instantly without any warning take it to several levels more than the bully does instantly! Uncle said like all depends on you so finish it as I described in another post earlier here. Throw the thought of punishment out the door, I saw one other instance in high school of a small boy picked on who did exactly as I said and had to be pulled off the bully and told him if you ever touch me again you will very much regret it, the bully was hurt badly, broken nose and missing teeth, it had been going on for months and told to school officials that did nothing but talk to him then he threatened the small boy for telling on him, it was stopped. Due to the amount of times the small boy told teachers no punishment was given to him. Long time ago before the PC Bull Stuff existed. What the bully was doing was as they passed in the halls kick him in the legs and ankle areas, he had bruises to prove it, the small boy carried a rock with him and smashed the bullies face, nose and mouth with it many times and was pulled off him and still beating him. Afterwards all was well with small boy the bully did not attack him again.
Speaking as a human being and as a former child, not as a teacher, I think that there are things that children have to learn to work out for themselves. Obviously, every adult in their lives should do his or her best to ensure that children are not injured or ganged up on, and that there are limits to what is acceptable, but I do think that schools and, to a lesser extent perhaps, parents, sometimes deprive young children, in particular, of experiences that are essential for a healthy maturity. No, I am not suggesting that a teacher or any other adult should stand by and allow a child to be beaten, especially when the aggressor is older or larger than the victim. But, though this may seem old fashioned today, how is a child to learn to take care of himself if he never gets a chance to? How can a child learn to cope with the failures that we all experience, at some point, during the course of our lives, if he is not allowed to fail during his formative years? This is a senior forum so I am sure there are those here who can point to things that they learned through failure. You may tell your children that everyone is equal, yet not every child is going to be the most popular kid in the class. Some children are going to enter preschool with all of the confidence in the world, while others are going to be comparatively socially awkward or reserved. Some children are going to excel in academics, while others will excel in sports. The vast majority are going to be somewhere in between, and there will be some who seem to be left behind. As parents or teachers, we should do whatever we can to help those on the lower rungs of the social ladder gain the confidence, the skills, or whatever it is that they may need to do well and to feel good about themselves, but we can't do that for them. Due to sociopolitical pressures, schools today are forced to artificially prop some children up, hold others back, and ignore those who don't stand out on one end of the scale or the other. It doesn't work and it won't produce healthy, stable, productive adults. You might be able to force someone to be nice to someone else but you can't force a child to like another. You might be able to force two children to act as if they were friends, while in your presence, but the best you will be able to accomplish will be a temporary facsimile of friendship, and the kids know it's not real, and they will probably resent one another for it. It's not always the school's fault when a child is bullied. School should be a place of learning and there should be an atmosphere of decorum, but we're not allowed to require decorum anymore. The same people who will blame a teacher because a child is bullied will not permit that teacher to set standards for behavior within the classroom.
I have noticed that bullying has taken on a more vicious turn than in years past. Also, there is more gang bullying than ever. This definitely should be stopped at all costs by responsible adults.