Actually, I'm on his side. Friggin' flying rats. Just not a smart thing to do in the Garden State. And he kinda looks like Stephen Curry...
So he's walking along the beach, funnel cake in one hand, gun in the other, looking for trouble. The seagulls should have known to take his gun first before they attacked his funnel cake. Dumb birds.
Bust a cap in they beak! But your story is analogous to the country at large. The idiots forgot to disarm us before trying to take our funnel cake.
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam'. Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins. When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland . And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.' Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw Because he's just......A Commontater.
You got a lotta nerve posting that many awful puns in one place. You forgot to tell us that Yam's favorite author was Edgar Allan Potato or that her judo instructor was Master Po Tato. I'm signing out now.
I could have included her run-in with a S&M Navy admiral who had all that tater salad on his chest and was into whipped potatoes but that would have been beyond the PC (Potato Culture) standards and limits edicts.
I had a guy who worked for me tell us in a staff meeting that he was glad his wife got her nosed fixed before she got pregnant, so their kid's nose would be regular-sized. He was serious. There was a stampede to see who got to tell him. Then he was crestfallen.