I honestly think some people don't realize how they are coming across . My experience online over all these years has been good basically. I have made some amazing friends. Forums are still kind of new to me and this is my second. I think the dynamic in a forum is different than a chat etc. I love reading other POV's. My first Forum was very much dominated by a very few people which was a sorry shame...because there are super nice folks there as well. I think being rude to someone because they have a different opinion is inexcusable and makes someone less likely to want to share. This Forum is much kinder and open minded as the rights of all seem more protected. Its not that hard to be kind . I'm not a mean person at heart and I have no axe to grind. I am not here to make anyone think like me..haha. I just LOVE hearing about your lives and memories and what you all love. I don't have much family left so this is kind of healing for me.
Rude is rude, no matter where it goes. Just like a leopard can't change its spots, a rude person is just naturally....rude.
Well, I do have friend online, as well as off, but the ones online are actually closer, and yes, would probably check on me if I was missing for a time, from conversations. The ones that have hurt my feelings the most, have not been friends, but I think that because I've never hurt them, that they wouldn't do it to me. Not true as all of you I'm sure know. Anyway, after a lifetime of being battered in one way or another, I think many of us are almost recluses because of it. The sad part of that I've realized for me, is that it's cutting myself off from any chance of a friendship, or more like with a man. So I keep trying to "get out there" either online, or off. Scarey yes, but better than not having people in my life. I have to give them a chance, and hope they can give me a chance to be a friend too
Personally I have never experienced any rudeness so far on the internet, well I did get a PM from a member of that other forum, who said I was putting too much humour into "serious" threads, but even then she was both polite and I guess right, I did need to be more considerate to other's seriousness. I can honestly say there isn't anyone on this forum I dislike or have any problem with at all. I do avoid the political threads because I have no idea what American politics is about, so can't really contribute anything useful. The same goes for religion because I am not religious and respect those that are, I try not to get involved if possible. I do feel sympathy for @Diane Lane who has obviously had a terrible experience, and any other members who have been bullied and stalked. I have faith in Ken and all you members, to keep this forum a safe and supportive place to share our various viewpoints, and have fun..........as appropriate of course
Even as a child people were pointing fingers and whispering behind their hands about me. I admit I've had a strange life, and I must have been a curiosity in their worlds. At an early time in my life I realized there was nothing I could do about it, so I pretty much had to learn to let it go. I sure couldn't change other's need to be more than, or better than I. Some did it in ignorance, and others on purpose. To keep from letting hateful people tear me to pieces, I learned that if I didn't give them a place in my mind, they didn't have a way of hurting me. But because I didn't understand that some of those people just didn't know what my circumstances were, that that in itself made me an oddity. I admit it left me very alone. I never learned to make friends until I met some of you online when my whole world blew up, and y'all reach out to me. Along the way some of you made me understand that I was ashamed of my life, and that this was wrong. I know that to many of you I am way too open, but being so has allowed me to see myself as I really am, instead of seeing myself just through the eyes of those trying to convince themselves of their own superiority, or those wanting to hurt me. I'm not saying I can't be hurt anymore, and if something is wrong I will turn myself inside out to try and fix it if I can. If after awhile I come to understand that no matter what I say or do will help, and I only get negativity in return, then I will just let it go. But I see no benefit in letting the hater know what my future feelings are.
Oh, @Ina I. Wonder , I think we would have been great friends back then (and hope we can be that now, too!) We could have punched some lights out of those whisperers. Okay, so I've never been a fighter... not with fists, but we could have thought of something, I'm sure. For what it's worth, I have never once seen you being "too open." It often helps to get things "out" but while realizing that when the bullies see someone who's beloved, they rub their hands in glee finding someone they THINK they can push around because they're jealous. (And you are definitely loved here!) I get way too much pleasure out of turning the tables on bullies. Ooops, one of my secrets.... don't tell! If you mean "too open" with personal information, that could get dangerous, but I haven't seen you doing that, either. Give me a yell if anyone gives ya trouble and I'll dig out my claw sharpener... 'tis around here somewhere.
We all love Ina....and I remember when she joined the other forum and we first got to know her a couple of years ago or more..., and she was very open about her life ...and has remained so, and we love her for it,..and yes @Mari North many of us have known Ina for a long time, and been by her side , whether physically. or emotionally.. through many traumatic periods in her life in the last few years...and there's not one of us who knows her, who wouldn't stand up and defend her to the death I'm sure... be very assured of that!!
True and Ina Is also a very good friend if you are the one needing comfort. She's been there for me through all my bannings. just kidding but she always knows when Im down and always sends a PM. She is usually right too. She can sense my moods. Maybe her Indian heritage, I don't know but she seems to know.
I was amazed by the fact that, leaving another forum behind, several friends came looking for me, not an easy task, as all record of my availability were brutally cut off from public view, very suddenly. It is to those friends I address this post in answer to the OP here. Unless it has happened to you, it is quite difficult to realize, in advance of it, the depth of psychological "droop" to be experienced, the let-down feeling, uncertainty, wonder. Silly, me, you might say........ Frank
Yes I empathise with you Frank having been banned from the same forum myself, as others here have, there is a sense of shock but I quickly realised with the help of friends and particularly @Chrissy Page, that that forum is so badly run and seemingly lacking in fairness and integrity that I was better off out of it. So no not silly you Frank, you are now in a safer friendly, and kinder cyber home, amongst supportive people who have everything that the other place lacked, plus it is run by @Ken Anderson who is available, fair minded and has integrity.
I think it's all about perspective. One person's "poorly run forum" might be Wonderland to another whose personality is more of a "fit". As for those who have never been embroiled in an online battle ... perhaps you haven't lived on line as much as some others. Like in the real world, the online one is filled with angels and demons, and it's just a matter of time until you run into both. How you handle them is the trick. If you take the demons to heart you're only helping them destroy you. If you accept angels too quickly you might find they're demons in disguise. And sometimes, a demon can turn out to be a pretty good person at heart. So I see the 'Net, and forums in particular, as being a microcosm of the real world, but because of the technology and the ease of usage it makes a much more immediate impression upon us. How we handle the two opposing sides of humanity will determine who we currently are and who we will become.
You might be right Phil, but a lot depends on the admin and moderators. I was banned for a lot less than what is going on over there now. I've searched high and low for senior forums and most are too big or not american based. For me this is the perfect place. Maybe we just respect each other more here because many of us have been over there. True that we are more conservative on here so less disagreeing but even in the religious threads, there is tolerance.