Right or Wrong, I've Made a Decision.

Discussion in 'Not Sure Where it Goes' started by Ina I. Wonder, May 22, 2015.

  1. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,499
    Likes Received:
    5,715
    i think I've spoken of this before, but I can't remember what tread it was in, so here I am in the, "I don't know column." I'll start with a some background.

    IMy oldest son was murdered back in August of1993. He was murdered by a man he never knew anything about, nor had he ever seen him.

    My son was a 27 y/o Army Ranger that had spent 10 years in service. So of course he was away for long period of time, and he wasn't' allowed to speak much about his activities. This of course lead to discord in his relationships. He lost his first marriage, and was in the beginning process of loosing his second one.

    Although, he was trying very hard to get his wife to go to the Army provided counciling. So he came home on a 10 day leave, and was trying to see if he could do anything about the situation. The day after he got home, his second wife convinced him to go to a neighborhood B-B-Q. Just after they got there a man shot my son in the neck with a saw off shotgun, beat him with the gun until someone took it away from him, jumped on him, and broke all the bones in his face, and then he got up, and kicked in the back of my son's skull.

    The murderer had being at the B-B-Q before my son got there, but he left to go home to get the gun, so it wasn't done on the spur of the moment. And there was no conversation, much less an argument.

    Turns out my son's wife had a boyfriend. She convinced him that my Army Ranger son was going to him.

    He ask for and got a plea of 25 years. We were not asked our opinion, so we had no input whatsoever.

    After the first five years he came up for parole, and I was notified. That was the start of my campaign. I have gone to hearings, written letters, bagdgered my son's children to write letters, (They were 9 and six upon their father's death.). I even spent three days up at his prison going through analysis to see if I was mentally stable enough to talk to this person. I talked to him for four hours to allow himself to explain his actions. His greatest mistake was telling me that my son was his stepping stone to God's divinity. So of course I've spent a big part of myself keeping him right where he has been since 1993. This has happened every two to three year since.

    Now he is 51, and up for parole again, and I've decided to quit fighting to keep him inside. If I fight one last time, and keep him in the full 25 years, he will get out in 2018, and that would be the last of it. But, if I say nothing, and the parole board releases him now, he will be on parole. Then if he does anything wrong he will be sent back to serve his sentence, plus whatever extra charges he acquired.

    What do you think? I still have a few weeks to change my mind.
     
    #1
    Richard Paradon and Yvonne Smith like this.
  2. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    14,881
    Likes Received:
    27,873
    Ina, I think that is the best decision. This way, if he actually has changed and wants to live a decent life, he can do it, and if he has not changed, he will go back to prison if he commits any kind of a crime.
    And for you, that part of it will be over and done with in your life.
    If his family is in the same part of the country as you live, then you might also want to have a talk with your local police and make sure that they are aware of the situation, for your safety.
     
    #2
    Richard Paradon likes this.
  3. Von Jones

    Von Jones Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2015
    Messages:
    6,507
    Likes Received:
    8,957
    @Ina, Dear Ina, I feel your despair with this decision you have to make. I strongly believe that if you have forgiven him in your heart for taking your son's life that there will be peace for you. With that peace you can move on to make the best decision with no regrets.

    There is no doubt that he should pay for what he did but it's not about him any more but about you. You've carried this weight for so long and your heart has grown weary from it. I wonder if you really had time to grieve losing your son in a way that would give you the peace knowing as tragic and senseless as it was your son would want you to be at peace.

    I pray that God will release you from the bondage of despair and to fill your soul and spirit with a peace of no bounds. Amen. Amen.
     
    #3
    Richard Paradon and Yvonne Smith like this.
  4. Jenn Windey

    Jenn Windey Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    264
    This was a crime of passion? Seems incredibly brutal and very sad since there were children involved.

    @Ina I come from a military family as well, and I have to ask was the man that killed him also military? I know that does not make a difference in the way that you feel about the situation, your son was attacked and now he is gone and that is tragic. It is such a hard decision that you have to make, I am wondering if there is not the third option of having him sent to a mental asylum. It does not seem to me that anyone in their right mind would do something this horrible unprovoked, there has to be something more going on that is not apparent. Sadly, and the reason I asked if the attacker was also military, is some of these guys come back with real issues. Those from Vietnam and Desert Storm have been exposed to things that we can not even begin to imagine that has effected them mentally and physically.

    No matter which way you decide it does not bring your son back. The best decision is to follow what is in your own heart. This is a very heavy burden to bare, I hope you can find a path that brings you some solace.
     
    #4
    Richard Paradon and Yvonne Smith like this.
  5. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,499
    Likes Received:
    5,715
    @Jenn Windey,
    No, he was never in the military. But, my son's,(his name was ER, and that was not initials,it was his name), second wife had convinced the killer that ER was going to kill him. The man heard Army Ranger, and his imagination filled in the rest. But as I stated, ER wasn't even aware that the boyfriend existed.
    The wife got rid of both of them, and she received all of ER's life insurance. ER's children received monthly social security payments, but none of the life insurance, and only 40% of his SS benefits. There were three step children, and they were eligible for 60% of the SS.
    As soon as the killer's plea bargain was a done deal, she drop all contact with him. And yes, she should have gone to jail as well, but he was convinced she loved him. And after the sentencing, it was too late for him to implicate her.
    I don't believe there is any way to detain him further, and I do wonder if he is still a threat to society. The man was four inches taller than ER, and at least 45 pounds heavier. So I believe he must be very insecure, and I doubt that prison has helped that.
    In my quest to understand as much as possible about people that kill, I was part of a counciling group that worked with prisoners, (male and female), for over three years. It is called Bridges To Life, and it is still functioning. This group analyzes, councils, and trains everyone for a good three months before we were allowed to become a part of this organization.
    After doing this kind of counciling, I was able to see through some of the smoke screen this man was trying to surround me in. I might have fallen for it, but his saying my son was a stepping stone was the proverbial straw. My son was no ones stepping stone. I know that I should be ashamed to say this, but I do not wish the killer well in his freedom.

    Forgive me Yvonne, but at this time, I can not do otherwise.
     
    #5
    Richard Paradon likes this.
  6. Hannah Davis

    Hannah Davis Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2015
    Messages:
    512
    Likes Received:
    252
    I am so sorry for your loss and this is a horrendous story. I can see why you didn't want this man to get out especially when he is saying things that made you feel like he was anything but sorry for what he had done. Also, this so called wife of your son, what a piece of work she was. As for the man getting out, I wish I could give you my input on this one, if it were me I would still have issue with it. I am the first one to say a person deserves a second chance and that people can learn from their mistakes, but its easy to say that when its not you who are the victim of the crime. Maybe you are better off washing your hands clean of the situation as you have said. Pray that this man has indeed learn his lesson and that he won't do harm to someone else. As for your sons former wife, don't worry she hasn't gotten away with anything. Eventually she will answer for her wrong doings here, if not in this life then in the next I trully believe that.
     
    #6
  7. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    14,881
    Likes Received:
    27,873
    Ina, as I said before; I believe that you have made the best decision here; and I think that the fact that he will have to answer to a parole officer and be monitored for the next few years is a very, very good thing. I actually think that is a lot better than if he spent the next few more years in jail, and then was just left to do and live as he pleased.

    I am hesitating to write this; but maybe it will help you, and if not, I mean no harm. A stepping stone is not a stone to walk on. The meaning of it is something/someone that helps give another person a hand up, and in this case, maybe to help them become a better person.
    If this is what he was trying to tell you, and if it was sincere, then it was actually meant as a compliment , not an insult.

    Sometimes, it takes something like this for a person to stop and look at his life, and work to become a better person. @Richard Paradon talked about how going to jail helped him make changes in his life for the better.
    When my son, Michael was a teenager, he got in with a bad crowd, and they stole my little .22 rifle from my bedroom closet and were trying to scare a guy with it.
    Thankfully, no one was hurt; but Michael ended up going to jail over it because he was the one that they caught. It was hard for me to see my son in jail; but he had done a bad thing, and this experience did help him to straighten his life around, and not associate with those boys again.
    This man has had a lot of years to reflect on what he has done, and the pain that it has caused you. Hopefully, he will now try to live a life of helping people, and not hurting them.
     
    #7
  8. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,499
    Likes Received:
    5,715
    I do so hope. But, for me it needs to be over. When they notified me another parole hearing was coming up, my BP went up considerably, and my chest pains started up again, so I need to let it all go. Even just thinking of him is harmful for me. I know ER would not want this for me, and so far his children seem to still need me. So my decision is to stop all thought of him, if possible.
     
    #8
  9. Joe Riley

    Joe Riley Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    13,934
    Likes Received:
    22,555
    I hope that sharing your story of ER's death has helped you Ina. I also believe your decision to let it go, is a good one for you. God bless you!
     
    #9
    Richard Paradon and Yvonne Smith like this.
  10. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2015
    Messages:
    722
    Likes Received:
    391
    It is a hard story to read and I do feel for you, Ina. I am not a religious person and rarely ask God for anything, but I just did ask Him to take care of your heart.
     
    #10
    Yvonne Smith likes this.
  11. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,499
    Likes Received:
    5,715
    I wish to thank each of you for providing an "ear" that I could place these feeling and thoughts. It has been over twenty-two years since all this occurred, and as it should I guess has pass from most everyone's thoughts. This has always been my torch to carry, and for the most part, I have done it quietly. But so much has happen for me these last few years that I needed to "voice" my thoughts. Through all off ya'll patience I now feel I can let it all go.
     
    #11
  12. Pat Baker

    Pat Baker Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    485
    It is hard to tell another person what they should do in such a personal situation. It is hard to forgive someone that has hurt you so deeply but you must remember who is in charge. Let it go and let God work with this person. Who know he may have changed and is truly sorry for what he did and the person that set him up has to be forgiven also.
     
    #12
    Yvonne Smith likes this.
  13. Bill Boggs

    Bill Boggs Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 13, 2015
    Messages:
    5,747
    Likes Received:
    7,721
    I just saw your post. You have carried a heavy burden for many years. I hope the decision you make leads to peace of mind
     
    #13
    Richard Paradon likes this.
  14. Avigail David

    Avigail David Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 20, 2015
    Messages:
    360
    Likes Received:
    285
    I don't understand why this murderer was not sentenced death penalty. I do not clearly see his remorse and seeking forgiveness and mercy. I agree with Bill. I hope, too, that the decision you make will lead to your peace of mind-- the here and now, and hereafter. God bless you, @Ina!
     
    #14
    Richard Paradon and Bill Boggs like this.

Share This Page