Coffee Should Be Banned!

Discussion in 'Not Sure Where it Goes' started by Sifu Phil Bonifonte, Nov 28, 2015.

  1. Sifu Phil Bonifonte

    Sifu Phil Bonifonte Veteran Member
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    A Starbucks tall coffee (12 ounces) contains 260mg. of caffeine. Caffeine intoxication kicks in at 250mg.

    This means that I'm surrounded by stoned people! They're going to be speaking too quickly and driving like maniacs, endangering my health. Why should I not be able to go out in public without being threatened by these drug addicts?

    I demand an immediate passage of a law!

    1. You must be over 21 to purchase coffee.
    2. Police will employ coffee breathalizers on random stops.
    3. No drinking of coffee in public places.
    4. No advertising of coffee on TV or in print media.

    Coffee is DESTROYING our society! A Starbucks Venti (20 ounces) is 450mg. of caffeine! Once you're at that level of caffeine intake you're going to experience hallucinations, diarrhea, convulsions and more. I for one do not want my innocent family exposed to some tripping, convulsing, loose-boweled maniac - who KNOWS what he'll do?!?

    Coffee also leads to stronger drugs - 90% of drug addicts started by drinking coffee.

    It's time to act - let's get rid of coffee!
     
    #1
  2. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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  3. Dave Sun

    Dave Sun Veteran Member
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  4. Joe Riley

    Joe Riley Supreme Member
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    Good luck!:rolleyes:
    [​IMG]
    5 Historical Attempts to Ban Coffee


    Coffee may seem harmless, but its historical rap sheet is a mile long.

    1. MECCA

    Coffee was banned in Mecca in 1511, as it was believed to stimulate radical thinking and hanging out—the governor thought it might unite his opposition. Java also got a bad rap for its use as a stimulant—some Sufi sects would pass around a bowl of coffee at funerals to stay awake during prayers. (Note to Starbucks: Time for a new size, the Funeral Bowl.)

    2. ITALY

    When coffee arrived in Europe in the 16th century, clergymen pressed for it to be banned and labeled Satanic. But Pope Clement VIII took a taste, declared it delicious, and even quipped that it should be baptized. On the strength of this papal blessing, coffeehouses rapidly sprang up throughout Europe.

    3. CONSTANTINOPLE

    After Murad IV claimed the Ottoman throne in 1623, he quickly forbade coffee and set up a system of reasonable penalties. The punishment for a first offense was a beating. Anyone caught with coffee a second time was sewn into a leather bag and thrown into the waters of the Bosporus.

    4. SWEDEN

    Sweden gave coffee the ax in 1746. The government also banned “coffee paraphernalia”—with cops confiscating cups and dishes. King Gustav III even ordered convicted murderers to drink coffee while doctors monitored how long the cups of joe took to kill them, which was great for convicts and boring for the doctors.

    5. PRUSSIA

    In 1777, Frederick the Great of Prussia issued a manifesto claiming beer’s superiority over coffee. He argued that coffee interfered with the country’s beer consumption, apparently hoping a royal statement would make Prussians eager for an eye-opening brew each morning. Frederick’s statement proclaimed, “His Majesty was brought up on beer,” explaining why he thought breakfast drinking was a good idea.

    Emmy Blotnick is a writer and comedian in New York. She's a blogger for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. This story originally appeared in mental_floss magazine.
     
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  5. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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  6. Sifu Phil Bonifonte

    Sifu Phil Bonifonte Veteran Member
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    Cool stuff, Joe - glad to see I'm in good company! :)
     
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  7. Terry Page

    Terry Page Supreme Member
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    In defence I do manage my habit well and limit myself to two cups in the morning to get me moving, it's all done behind closed doors and I always use clean cups, no sharing among my fellow addicts, so I don't agree with banning or restricting the availability as it just helps the coffee barons and their dealers prosper.
    I can't speak for others but I have never progressed from coffee to harder drugs ..............well apart from the odd dabble with hot chocolate and green tea.
    Since turning 70 being stoned is my default state any other is beyond my capabilities anyway.
     
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  8. Ike Willis

    Ike Willis Supreme Member
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    If coffee were banned, I'd do what any red blooded American would do.
    1. Attempt to produce my own, or,
    2. Fight a war over it.
    It worked for alcohol.
     
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  9. Ken N Louis

    Ken N Louis Veteran Member
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  10. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    Well, if you are desperate ....I can think of other things to use! :)
     
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  11. Sifu Phil Bonifonte

    Sifu Phil Bonifonte Veteran Member
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    At least you're doing it the right way. I've heard the government has a program of free coffee cups for addicts - hopefully that keeps them somewhat healthy and prevents the spread of the dreaded caffeinus bug.

    We have plenty of those dealers in my neighborhood with their big, bulging eyes, stamping from foot to foot, their shakey hands reaching out to you - "C'mon, man, get a buzz - free cup to my new customers!"

    Disgusting.

    Oh, sure, a "dabble" ... just watch ... soon you'll be sprawled out in one of those Chinese tea parlors, laying back on a wooden pillow and sucking down Oolong. You'll be chasing the dragon, my friend - just give it a little time.

    LOL!
     
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  12. Terry Page

    Terry Page Supreme Member
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    [​IMG]

    Should be legalised in my opinion

    [​IMG]
     
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  13. Lara Moss

    Lara Moss Supreme Member
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    Ban coffee?? Okay, but I'm telling you…

    Coffeemaker_gone 2.jpg
     
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  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Well, my SIL and my 1/2 brother drink coffee all day long. Not me! One or two cups in the morning and that's it.
    I drink it with 1 packet of Spenda and some CoffeeMate creamer (sugar free).

    One thing for sure, taking my coffee is like taking my gun, isn't going to happen!
     
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  15. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    You drink it just like me, Cody except I do the flavored CoffeeMate.
     
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