Don't Get Along With Half Brother!

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Sep 4, 2018.

  1. Beatrice Taylor

    Beatrice Taylor Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2018
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    760
    "Different lives and different beliefs but at the end of the day it doesn’t change the fact that we are brothers and there is an extremely wide range of things we can talk about that have nothing to do with our differences." - Bobby Cole

    I agree.

    One big thing about family, as we get older, is the value of the shared experiences. We get to the point where the only other people on earth that have any memory of certain people, places, experiences are our brothers and sisters. If nothing else those shared memories good or bad should be our common ground/bond in our final years.
     
    #26
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018
  2. Hoot Crawford

    Hoot Crawford Active Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2017
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    140
    Cody - all things considered, I think I really like your half-brother.
     
    #27
    Bobby Cole and Frank Sanoica like this.
  3. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Ok, a little back history:
    Brother and I have never been THAT close at all. Heck, I don't even know his sons/daughters or their families. Never met them or thought of meeting them.
    Brother was very close to our alcoholic father, whom I only knew for the first 6 years of my life. My brother use to go out drinking with him.

    Anyway, before we decided we didn't want to live in Florida anymore, him and I had descent conversations on the phone, but STILL our differences in lifestyle would always get in the way. He has a different banking account than his wife does, because she likes to tithe a lot to their church and he refuses to use his retirement income for that much. Seems like he's always doing some kind of mechanic work on old cars he's bought. He even has a full-size cabin cruiser boat in his yard here in Florida that he's never had on the water. Still needs work done on it. He has a fully-dressed Honda Goldwing, that him and his wife use to ride, now sits inside a trailer all the time. Will take out to start up, then back in it goes.

    Out of all the years, I've only seen him three times in my life. ONLY three times. Both his and my choice.

    So, absolutely nothing can be done about our darn near "non-existent" relationship and that's fine with both of us.
     
    #28
    Holly Saunders likes this.
  4. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    I'm sure there are people who like him, but...…...
     
    #29
  5. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2015
    Messages:
    31,841
    Likes Received:
    9,774
    I think given your back story @Cody Fousnaugh , that you've tried to have a relationship with the brother, despite the fact that you hardly knew the man and he had a relationship with your father of which you were denied.

    I think IMO...that you've done what you feel you can.. and the relationship is toxic, so best to just back off now, and be civil at holidays and nothing else!!

    As someone who has both full blood siblings as well as as Half sibling and also step siblings I know just how difficult it can be!!
     
    #30
    Bobby Cole and Nancy Hart like this.
  6. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2017
    Messages:
    2,017
    Likes Received:
    2,881
    Very sweet of you Holly........she acts like the doting daughter when necessary.
     
    #31
    Bobby Cole and Holly Saunders like this.
  7. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Yep, wife and I feel it is THAT time to back off. If we do talk, him calling me, I will be cordial, BUT, if he by chance brings up about our move to Colorado...…...all bets are off on how I handle it. I wouldn't handle it badly, but would let him know, quickly, that he took my online e-mail completely wrong. Thing is, we simply haven't go anything to talk about that really doesn't start up some kind of disagreement. Whether it's me, unintentionally, bringing up something, or him. We definitely live in two completely different worlds.

    I want to thank all of you for your replies...…..they were very helpful. Just one of the reasons I joined this forum. Again, THANKS!!
     
    #32
  8. Von Jones

    Von Jones Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2015
    Messages:
    3,447
    Likes Received:
    2,132

    It's called 'Agreeing to disagree.'
     
    #33
  9. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    WOW, brother called me last Friday and asked how we were doing, because of Florence. Guess he doesn't watch local weather or Weather Channel. Both stated that Florence wasn't going to hit any part of northeastern Florida. Oh well.

    We talked for 36 minutes, with not a word being said by either of us, about the letter he got online from us in 2003 during the blizzard we had in Colorado. Just a "chit-chat" conversation where he was telling me about all the cars he now has at his PA home. They are all older cars, so he can work on them. He also has a 3-wheeler motorcycle and a fully dressed Honda. Both he takes out twice a year to ride around a few miles. Guess he loves to spend money on cars to repair and keep.

    By the way, did I tell anyone yet that him and his wife have separate banking accounts. She doesn't ever complain about what he buys. Then again, she's a very low-keyed, non-complaining lady...…...just the kind he likes/loves. While he is doing some kind of mechanic work or lawn work in PA, she is canning something to take to Florida when they return in a couple of months.

    Yep, without a doubt, they live a completely different lifestyle than we do.
     
    #34
    Nancy Hart likes this.
  10. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,453
    Likes Received:
    4,542
    Bad news then. My wife and I have separate bank accounts and she really doesn’t care what I buy nor I what she buys.
     
    #35
    Yvonne Smith and Holly Saunders like this.
  11. Hoot Crawford

    Hoot Crawford Active Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2017
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    140

    ditto this when my wife was still living.
     
    #36
    Yvonne Smith likes this.
  12. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Well, I knew there were couples out there that had separate banking accounts, but just added it in. Wife and I don't understand that kind of marriage, but that's us. We would never have separate banking accounts and we both inform each other of when we are going to buy something. Brother and his wife had banking accounts together, but, after she decided she wanted to tithe to their church much more than he did, they got separate ones.

    Have often wondered how they handle bills, food and other needed things they share.

    I didn't have a banking account when I met my wife. I'd cash my paycheck at company bank and carry cash with me. The reason I didn't have an account was due to taxes I owed. After we were engaged, I'd sign my paycheck over to her to put into her account. After the tax I owed was taken care of (a year of payments), I put my name on her account.
     
    #37
  13. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2015
    Messages:
    31,841
    Likes Received:
    9,774
    Hubs and I have separate bank accounts... never do either of us have to ask the other when we want to buy something..unless it's something that's super expensive, then it's not a request but a discussion... I would be horrified if I had to run past my husband everything I spend..and so would he..

    Cody..your brother may live a different type of life to you but he does sound from what you say, that he's genuinely interested in trying to be friends with you.. and the fact he cared enough to check on your welfare despite the fast there was no floods in Florida makes him sound like a decent guy, and you should give him a lot of credit for that instead of vilifying him for it.. !!
     
    #38
  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Not "vilifying" him, just stating what he does that I don't understand. Then again, I've never understood the "what and why" of him and he doesn't understand why I'm a "computer geek" and not a "grease monkey" (mechanic) like him.

    Marriages are different. Some insist on a joint banking account, like we do, while others see the need for separate accounts. Doesn't bother either of us to ask the other about buying something. Just the way our marriage is and the way your marriage is.

    Shoot, my wife has been asked by supervisors and managers, to go with co-workers on a Friday after work, for Happy Hour. She has gone a few times, but only with me taking her. The other times, she politely bows out (if I don't want to go). To some, that is totally silly, but to us, just the way our marriage is. No "boys night out" or "girls night out" either...…….oh, heck no!
     
    #39
    Bobby Cole likes this.
  15. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2015
    Messages:
    31,841
    Likes Received:
    9,774
    Cody I'm not inferring your marriage is wrong, but it's very different to most!!
     
    #40
  16. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    How do you know it's "very different to most?". Guess I'd have to start up a thread about "sharing in a marriage" to see what others think.

    One thing for sure, there are different things that people will say about a married couple's life. Some will say, "that's cool-alright", while others will say "what kind of marriage is that?".
     
    #41
  17. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,453
    Likes Received:
    4,542
    The thing about having separate bank accounts is all part of the most important word a marriage can have incorporated within it. Trust.

    Now, your half brother seems to live that way and it is openly so simply because you Cody, indicated as much.
    He also like to purchase cars and works on them and makes money off of them. You on the other hand, like to have a hole in the water that demands money much the same as the government does.
    There’s nothing wrong with either one (and I’ve owned a few “holes in the water”) but he decided to make money off of what he likes to do rather than spend it on something that depreciates on a daily basis. But, that’s him and not you.

    In short, what you cannot understand about your brother is that he isn’t you. Just as you cannot understand couples who like their own space once in a while and also do not give out expensive Christmas gifts to each other.
    We’re not you, and your brother isn’t you and neither one of you should expect the other to have to live up to each other’s wishes, desires and ethics. Just as another example, some people do not like rodeo and again, you cannot understand that because again, it isn’t you and the way you learned to live.
    It’s part of having an open mind and again, a whole lot of having trust in another individuals way of living.

    Like I mentioned before, my brother is the exact opposite of me (with the exception of his IQ which is lower than mine, but still high) but I DO understand what he does and why he does things because it’s the way HE chooses to live and he doesn’t have to live up to my expectations of what I believe life should be all about. We get along pretty well and we love each other and that’s all I need to really know about him or ....expect from him.
     
    #42
  18. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2015
    Messages:
    31,841
    Likes Received:
    9,774
    Simply because , to be very blunt Cody, I mix with a whole load more people than you from all different walks of life
     
    #43
    Bobby Cole likes this.
  19. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Ok, Bobby, you need to get more of the facts...…...he doesn't sell the cars. He either keeps them, and that's why he has so many, or he has given, not sold, to his grandkids. Just wanted to clarify this......not sold, but keeps or gives away free.

    We have a boat, as he does in Florida, but he has never taken on the water. It is a full-size cabin cruiser sitting on a trailer. I asked him about it, and if he'll ever put it on the water. He told that that it needs some work, but he just never finds time to work on it...….so it just sits here in Florida on his property. Our boat has had numerous things done to it, and yes, we definitely put money into it. Unfortunately, with the heat and humidity here, that when we first moved here we could handle, but almost 10 years later, can't, the boat has seen very little "on the water" time in the last couple of years. If we lived in northern Colorado right now, we'd definitely have the boat out on the water each weekend, but we are still here.

    As far as being "open minded", we simply aren't that much of that and don't care what anyone thinks about how we feel that way. I've done replies and threads about swearing, tattoos and other things that would show anyone that we aren't that, if at all, "open minded". People are extremely "open minded" here in Jacksonville. Just another reason for us to move out. It's almost like living in Los Angeles, CA.

    Wife and I have our so-called "space" when she is at work during the week. After she fully retires, we will still have some "space", but still not like some other couples require. We absolutely love doing things together and don't require the "space" that other couples require.
    Not needing that much "space" is what drew us together. As already stated, "we love doing darn near everything together".

    Funny, but somewhat sad, that there are wives of OTR truck drivers that really prefer their husbands not to be home every night. The wives love doing whatever they want. Sort of like being married and single at the same time. When we use to watch Undercover Boss, a major problem that a CEO and/or owner of a company would say is, "when I get up in the morning for work, everyone is still asleep and when I finally get home at night, everyone is in bed asleep. I hardly ever get to see my family and I have to change that. My family lives very, very good, but at the expense of not seeing me."

    My first wife didn't like me being an EMT, because I had to spend the night at the office, with the Unit.
     
    #44
  20. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Ok. But, we love our old fashion lifestyle. No separate beds/bedrooms, separate banking accounts, separate vacations and on and on. Way to many married couples out there like acting both married and single at the same time. But, that is their choice.
     
    #45
    Holly Saunders likes this.
  21. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Anyway, what I think of my brother and what he thinks of me, is just the way we operate our relationship. We don't see each other and that's fine with both of us. He loves dirt and grease and I love a computer keyboard and playing the Wii Game with my wife. He thinks I need to grow up and I think he needs to act somewhat younger. He dislikes anything electronic and modern and I love most all of it.

    Seems like a terrific relationship to me...……..LOL
     
    #46
  22. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Greeter
    Moderator Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    10,088
    Likes Received:
    13,682
    I don't think anyone minds your choices at all, Cody. As long as it works for you, I can't see why anyone else would care.
     
    #47
  23. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4,599
    Likes Received:
    3,404
    Absolutely right, Ken. Perhaps I should have left the phone call off of here. Dang, Ken, when will I learn NOT to tell so much on this forum?? LOL.....a lot!.
     
    #48
  24. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2015
    Messages:
    17,871
    Likes Received:
    16,704
    The issue is that nobody really cares how Cody lives his life, it's just that he has issues with how others do...in my opinion.
     
    #49
  25. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2015
    Messages:
    31,841
    Likes Received:
    9,774
    oooh no-one is seriously having a pop at you Cody, you're breathtakingly honest IMO.. ... but we are trying to make you see how it looks from our point of view, so you see that it's not all one sided..
     
    #50

Share This Page