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Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Sep 4, 2018.
Very sweet of you Holly........she acts like the doting daughter when necessary.
Yep, wife and I feel it is THAT time to back off. If we do talk, him calling me, I will be cordial, BUT, if he by chance brings up about our move to Colorado...…...all bets are off on how I handle it. I wouldn't handle it badly, but would let him know, quickly, that he took my online e-mail completely wrong. Thing is, we simply haven't go anything to talk about that really doesn't start up some kind of disagreement. Whether it's me, unintentionally, bringing up something, or him. We definitely live in two completely different worlds.
I want to thank all of you for your replies...…..they were very helpful. Just one of the reasons I joined this forum. Again, THANKS!!
It's called 'Agreeing to disagree.'
WOW, brother called me last Friday and asked how we were doing, because of Florence. Guess he doesn't watch local weather or Weather Channel. Both stated that Florence wasn't going to hit any part of northeastern Florida. Oh well.
We talked for 36 minutes, with not a word being said by either of us, about the letter he got online from us in 2003 during the blizzard we had in Colorado. Just a "chit-chat" conversation where he was telling me about all the cars he now has at his PA home. They are all older cars, so he can work on them. He also has a 3-wheeler motorcycle and a fully dressed Honda. Both he takes out twice a year to ride around a few miles. Guess he loves to spend money on cars to repair and keep.
By the way, did I tell anyone yet that him and his wife have separate banking accounts. She doesn't ever complain about what he buys. Then again, she's a very low-keyed, non-complaining lady...…...just the kind he likes/loves. While he is doing some kind of mechanic work or lawn work in PA, she is canning something to take to Florida when they return in a couple of months.
Yep, without a doubt, they live a completely different lifestyle than we do.
Bad news then. My wife and I have separate bank accounts and she really doesn’t care what I buy nor I what she buys.
ditto this when my wife was still living.
Well, I knew there were couples out there that had separate banking accounts, but just added it in. Wife and I don't understand that kind of marriage, but that's us. We would never have separate banking accounts and we both inform each other of when we are going to buy something. Brother and his wife had banking accounts together, but, after she decided she wanted to tithe to their church much more than he did, they got separate ones.
Have often wondered how they handle bills, food and other needed things they share.
I didn't have a banking account when I met my wife. I'd cash my paycheck at company bank and carry cash with me. The reason I didn't have an account was due to taxes I owed. After we were engaged, I'd sign my paycheck over to her to put into her account. After the tax I owed was taken care of (a year of payments), I put my name on her account.
Hubs and I have separate bank accounts... never do either of us have to ask the other when we want to buy something..unless it's something that's super expensive, then it's not a request but a discussion... I would be horrified if I had to run past my husband everything I spend..and so would he..
Cody..your brother may live a different type of life to you but he does sound from what you say, that he's genuinely interested in trying to be friends with you.. and the fact he cared enough to check on your welfare despite the fast there was no floods in Florida makes him sound like a decent guy, and you should give him a lot of credit for that instead of vilifying him for it.. !!
Not "vilifying" him, just stating what he does that I don't understand. Then again, I've never understood the "what and why" of him and he doesn't understand why I'm a "computer geek" and not a "grease monkey" (mechanic) like him.
Marriages are different. Some insist on a joint banking account, like we do, while others see the need for separate accounts. Doesn't bother either of us to ask the other about buying something. Just the way our marriage is and the way your marriage is.
Shoot, my wife has been asked by supervisors and managers, to go with co-workers on a Friday after work, for Happy Hour. She has gone a few times, but only with me taking her. The other times, she politely bows out (if I don't want to go). To some, that is totally silly, but to us, just the way our marriage is. No "boys night out" or "girls night out" either...…….oh, heck no!
Cody I'm not inferring your marriage is wrong, but it's very different to most!!
How do you know it's "very different to most?". Guess I'd have to start up a thread about "sharing in a marriage" to see what others think.
One thing for sure, there are different things that people will say about a married couple's life. Some will say, "that's cool-alright", while others will say "what kind of marriage is that?".
The thing about having separate bank accounts is all part of the most important word a marriage can have incorporated within it. Trust.
Now, your half brother seems to live that way and it is openly so simply because you Cody, indicated as much.
He also like to purchase cars and works on them and makes money off of them. You on the other hand, like to have a hole in the water that demands money much the same as the government does.
There’s nothing wrong with either one (and I’ve owned a few “holes in the water”) but he decided to make money off of what he likes to do rather than spend it on something that depreciates on a daily basis. But, that’s him and not you.
In short, what you cannot understand about your brother is that he isn’t you. Just as you cannot understand couples who like their own space once in a while and also do not give out expensive Christmas gifts to each other.
We’re not you, and your brother isn’t you and neither one of you should expect the other to have to live up to each other’s wishes, desires and ethics. Just as another example, some people do not like rodeo and again, you cannot understand that because again, it isn’t you and the way you learned to live.
It’s part of having an open mind and again, a whole lot of having trust in another individuals way of living.
Like I mentioned before, my brother is the exact opposite of me (with the exception of his IQ which is lower than mine, but still high) but I DO understand what he does and why he does things because it’s the way HE chooses to live and he doesn’t have to live up to my expectations of what I believe life should be all about. We get along pretty well and we love each other and that’s all I need to really know about him or ....expect from him.
Simply because , to be very blunt Cody, I mix with a whole load more people than you from all different walks of life
Ok, Bobby, you need to get more of the facts...…...he doesn't sell the cars. He either keeps them, and that's why he has so many, or he has given, not sold, to his grandkids. Just wanted to clarify this......not sold, but keeps or gives away free.
We have a boat, as he does in Florida, but he has never taken on the water. It is a full-size cabin cruiser sitting on a trailer. I asked him about it, and if he'll ever put it on the water. He told that that it needs some work, but he just never finds time to work on it...….so it just sits here in Florida on his property. Our boat has had numerous things done to it, and yes, we definitely put money into it. Unfortunately, with the heat and humidity here, that when we first moved here we could handle, but almost 10 years later, can't, the boat has seen very little "on the water" time in the last couple of years. If we lived in northern Colorado right now, we'd definitely have the boat out on the water each weekend, but we are still here.
As far as being "open minded", we simply aren't that much of that and don't care what anyone thinks about how we feel that way. I've done replies and threads about swearing, tattoos and other things that would show anyone that we aren't that, if at all, "open minded". People are extremely "open minded" here in Jacksonville. Just another reason for us to move out. It's almost like living in Los Angeles, CA.
Wife and I have our so-called "space" when she is at work during the week. After she fully retires, we will still have some "space", but still not like some other couples require. We absolutely love doing things together and don't require the "space" that other couples require.
Not needing that much "space" is what drew us together. As already stated, "we love doing darn near everything together".
Funny, but somewhat sad, that there are wives of OTR truck drivers that really prefer their husbands not to be home every night. The wives love doing whatever they want. Sort of like being married and single at the same time. When we use to watch Undercover Boss, a major problem that a CEO and/or owner of a company would say is, "when I get up in the morning for work, everyone is still asleep and when I finally get home at night, everyone is in bed asleep. I hardly ever get to see my family and I have to change that. My family lives very, very good, but at the expense of not seeing me."
My first wife didn't like me being an EMT, because I had to spend the night at the office, with the Unit.
Ok. But, we love our old fashion lifestyle. No separate beds/bedrooms, separate banking accounts, separate vacations and on and on. Way to many married couples out there like acting both married and single at the same time. But, that is their choice.