1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Groan

Discussion in 'Make Me Laugh' started by Sir Walter Pasty, Dec 1, 2018.

  1. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2015
    Messages:
    56,522
    Likes Received:
    24,137
    Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they'd be called bagels!
     
    #316
  2. John West

    John West Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2021
    Messages:
    982
    Likes Received:
    2,366
    For those with a felt need to groan a lot or who have forgotten all the golden oldies:

    Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

    Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.

    A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

    Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

    When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

    In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

    She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

    You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

    Every calendar's days are numbered.

    A lot of money is tainted - taint yours and taint mine.

    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

    Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done.
     
    #317
  3. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2015
    Messages:
    56,522
    Likes Received:
    24,137
    Q. Do old skeptics ever die?
    A. There is no conclusive evidence either way, yet their future is doubtful.
     
    #318
  4. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    25,241
    Likes Received:
    37,056
    I met a microbiologist the other day.
    He was bigger than I expected.
     
    #319
  5. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2015
    Messages:
    56,522
    Likes Received:
    24,137
  6. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
    Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    13,671
    Likes Received:
    26,220
    There’s stuff that makes me groan and then there’s stuff that is sooooo stoooopid that a mere groan just isn’t enough.

    Anyone for reading the directions before using their rice cooker?
    AE60F468-2753-45B1-97D5-8C7CF2CC23C5.jpeg

    If all else fails, use the fire extinguisher to fill up your tires. 80AD859E-985E-4A02-9999-D4601564D85A.jpeg

    Always wondered why tire rims were made that way……

    0F84BAFB-B10D-47BD-AEAB-2F39491033A0.jpeg
     
    #321
  7. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2017
    Messages:
    9,433
    Likes Received:
    16,589
  8. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    25,241
    Likes Received:
    37,056
    That's most likely in response to a lawsuit over a damaged washing machine.
     
    #323
    Bobby Cole likes this.
  9. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2015
    Messages:
    56,522
    Likes Received:
    24,137
  10. Joe Smith

    Joe Smith Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2021
    Messages:
    507
    Likes Received:
    481
    [​IMG]

    Priceless.
     
    #325
    Bobby Cole and Hedi Mitchell like this.
  11. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
    Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    13,671
    Likes Received:
    26,220
  12. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
    Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    13,671
    Likes Received:
    26,220
  13. Louise Miller

    Louise Miller Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2019
    Messages:
    30,747
    Likes Received:
    2,297
    it took this old lady a few minutes for her remark to set in,, Hilarious!! still laughing,, icon_lol.gif
     
    #328
    Joe Smith and Bobby Cole like this.
  14. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
    Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    13,671
    Likes Received:
    26,220
    Just something duh (or maybe double duh) to groan about.

    I was listening to Big Bill Broonsy as he sung the original version of Jimmy Crack Corn. It was a YouTube production and only had a picture of Brooney with his guitar whilst the music played in the background.

    The groan part was found in one of the comments:
    “How does he sing without moving his lips??? (yes, with three question marks).
     
    #329
    Shirley Martin likes this.
  15. John West

    John West Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2021
    Messages:
    982
    Likes Received:
    2,366
    Pirate walks into a ear piercing parlor and asks how much it costs to get an ear pierced.

    The ear piercer replies. "Hey its a buck an ear"
     
    #330

Share This Page