Two men were walking in the forest when they suddenly came across a grizzly bear. One man fell to his knees and began to pray. The 2nd man began tightening his boot laces. The 1st man said, "Why are you re-tieing your boots ? You know you can't outrun a bear" The 2nd man relied," I don't have to. All I have to do is outrun YOU".
That's what I tell my BIL when we are fishing in alligator infested water. I wonder why he doesn't laugh?
I was once so broke that I couldn't afford to pay my electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of my life.
Him: Do you have any idea what it is like to be hit with a high-frequency, electromagnetic pulse? Me: Yes, it Hertz.
After the flood subsided, Noah opened the door and released the animals. All the animals rushed to freedom except two snakes who lingered in the corner. "Why don't you go forth and multiply," asked Noah. "We can't", moaned one, "We're adders."
I had an old Texas cowboy over for chili last afternoon. He asked if my chili would make him fart. "Darn tootin," I replied. I should have had him over for chili at high noon. We could have had a toot out at the Ol Fay corral. "Where did you cook these cow punchin beans." He asked? "On the range silly," I replied. The poor old fart was bankrupt but he didn't complain since he didn't have any beef. He was an old retired range rider. I just called him de-ranged. He was coughing and said he got covid from his old horse, a retired saddle bronc. I said no worries you have bronc-itis. He said he was going as a ghost for Halloween to show off his new boo-ts. I asked why he was considering a dachshund instead of a big ranch dog. He said because he preferred gittin a-long little doggie. He was an 85-year-old Texas ranch dinosaur in his cowboy hat and boots. I call him Tyrannosaurus Tex. He asked if I believed old Texas cowboys come back in another form after they die. I said yes, it is called reintarnation. He left early due to a hitch in his gitty up.
One Boy Scout to another: The best was to start a fire with two sticks is to make sure on of them is a match.
♫ See the thing in the reef, with the big, shiny teeth, that's a moray. ♫ When you're diving at night, and you feel the bite, that's a moray. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .♫