How Much Effort Do You Put Into Solving Problems With Friends?

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Ken Anderson, Sep 24, 2018.

  1. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    This thread is inspired by the other thread about honesty among friends, as well as the one about having lifelong friends, but I wanted to expand the topic, and would like to be careful not to derail the other conversations, which have been very good.

    My question is about how hard you work at solving problems that may come between yourself and someone who you consider to be a friend?

    For myself, I wish I had put more effort into it than I have for much of my life. Perhaps because I moved so often, I have held the attitude that friends were easily replaceable. This is not an attitude that I fostered and, in fact, I have only recently come to realize that I had done this.

    Through much of my life, when problems came up that I thought were important enough to trouble me, I would simply avoid the person responsible. Again, this wasn't a planned response and I would often think that it was really a shame because I enjoyed spending time with that person. Nevertheless, while minor problems could be either ignored or easily worked out, if I felt that I had been wronged in some way, I'd simply look elsewhere.

    As a consequence, I have few long-term friends.

    The strength of the friendship also played into it, of course. One friend, whom I have known since I first moved to California in the early 1970s, I am still friends with, despite several arguments and difficulties. We rented a few apartments and houses together, and could even shout at one another and still come back for more.

    For the most part though, I have been too cavalier with friendships. I don't do that so much anymore, but I have lost a lot of people along the way.

    In another thread, I mentioned that in a time when people didn't move around so much, relationships were more important. People worked out their problems because they knew that they were going to see one another again and their pool of friends was more limited.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 24, 2018
  2. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Supreme Member
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    I work very hard at solving problems that come up in friendship relationships. I'm not a person who needs a lot of people or friends in my life, as an introvert I am at peace with my own company for the most part...so when I do find myself drawn to a person in friendship...I want that friendship to last.

    Friendship is just like any other relationship. If you want it to grow and last you've got to nurture it and you've got to work out the kinks in it. And there will always be kinks in any relationship. I don't know why some people are afraid, etc. to speak up in honesty to work out those kinks...instead so many people do what you mentioned @Ken Anderson...they just let the friendship fall by the wayside and go on with their lives.

    This just doesn't happen with friendships but with love relationships too. Many married people will let go of their marriage instead of doing what they need to do to work the kinks out of their marriage. And families will do the same thing often....instead of working out their differences, etc. they will just let go of their family members and put them out of their lives.

    No matter whether it is a friendship, a love or family relationship working out kinks in these relationships is not possible if the honesty about what is causing the kink is not shared. Even if one is honest about a problem the other person may not care enough to work out the kink...but if two people really care about each other then they should care enough to work out the kink too. At least that's how I feel.

    I've worked out a lot of kinks in my life time with family and friends....and because of that those family and friends are still a large part of my life and always will be (I pray). In working out some of those kinks it took time apart from each other for a while with both sides letting the other person know that although they needed some space and time they still wanted the relationship to continue. And they did.
     
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