If Someone Asks You What You Would Like For Christmas, Do You Tell Them The Truth?

Discussion in 'Holidays & Traditions' started by Babs Hunt, Nov 15, 2017.

  1. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    A couple of days ago my husband asked me what I would like for Christmas this year. I decided instead of telling him some material things that he could buy me...that I would tell him the one thing I really wanted for Christmas this year.

    So I told him I really wanted him to quit smoking...and that I felt that I believed from the research I had done...that his smoking was the major cause of his vision going bad so fast. I could tell by the look on his face that he was really surprised at my request, and not to happy with it either.

    But it is what my heart desires...and I hope this year he will care enough about himself and me to really try to give us this gift.
     
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  2. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    I hope he can do that for you @Babs Hunt , a very difficult thing for him to do I'm sure, but if he values his own self and health as well as your concern I hope he can at least try to give you your Christmas wish.

    In answer to your question, yes if someone asks me what i would like for Christmas, I tell them...first taking into consideration if they're capable of providing it for me..

    for example I'd like a new house, well no-one I know is going to give me that so I wouldn't ask... however if a multi Millionaire asked me, I would tell them that!!:p
     
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  3. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    I have "hinted" hard in the past that I would like my husband to quit smoking...and even shared the research with the terrible things smoking could do to your health with him...in the past his answer to me was always: "Thank you very much for caring." in a tone that let me know "drop the subject"...and I did.

    But I find I'm angry now...angry that my husband doesn't care about his vision loss enough to at least try and quit smoking. It's affecting both of us...not just him!

    There is so much out there now to help him quit...the fact that he won't even try any of it...makes me angry period and I'm really tired of pretending it doesn't.
     
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  4. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I usually say nothing but sometimes I'll say an iPad or something similar. This year I think I'll want the iwatch.

    As for smoking, your hubby needs to quit...I know I hated people telling me to quit but it's just not good for you at all.

    My mom died because of emphysema and she quit smoking in her 40's. It's very rare that someone can smoke and not be affected in some way.
     
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  5. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    My husband's mother lost her vision to AMD and her breathing to emphysema too. She was a heavy smoker too. Even knowing that my husband continues to self-destruct in those same ways. And him not even trying to change this makes me feel like he doesn't care about what he is doing to him or me.
     
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  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    He needs to realize how much this is bothering you..even if he doesn't care about his own health!
     
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  7. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    I have told him in every way I know how...and even the Doctors have touched on it with him. My telling him I want him to quit as my Christmas present is the last thing I know to do at this time.
     
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  8. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Greeter
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    I don’t usually ever telll anyone what i want for Christmas (or other similar occasion) . I have been thinking about this, and I don’t even remember asking my parents for anything special for Christmas when I was a kid either.
    We didn’t have a television, so it was not like how it went with my own children. They watched the Christmas toys commercials, and each commercial they could come to tell me that the last thing advertised was what they really wanted for Christmas.
    From as early as I can remember, I wanted a horse/pony, and that is really the only thing that I can remember ever asking for, and of course, that didn’t happen as a Christmas present.
    It just seems to me like asking for something is like telling them you want the item and you want them to buy it for you, and then it loses the essense of being a gift.
    As far as asking someone to change their life as a gift to you , I think that is going beyond what should be asked of someone, even when it is something that is healthy for them to do.
     
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  9. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Unfortunately, my wife's ex-husband absolutely refused to give up both smoking and drinking. She divorced him and later, he committed suicide with pills.
     
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  10. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    IOW, you will either have to accept it, or..........the alternatives.
     
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  11. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    I always felt that way too @Yvonne Smith...but when it is affecting my life too then I believe I do have the right to ask him to try to quit. All I can do is ask but I don't believe it's wrong to ask my spouse to try to quit something that is affecting both our lives in ways that are unhealthy and destructive to us and our marriage.

    I can't make him quit...but I do have the right to ask him to try to.
     
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  12. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    My wife has no problem with what I tell her I want for Christmas. I do the vacuuming, our vacuum doesn't work that good anymore, we needed a new one and..........we got a new one. There were a few other things that I both wanted and needed and we bought those things. We done the same for what she wanted/needed.
     
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  13. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Cody, I don't plan to divorce my husband, or try to make his life miserable if he doesn't do what I asked him to try to do. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas...and I was honest and told him the truth on what I really wanted. But he has to want to give that gift first to himself and then to me. And if it never happens my heart will have some sadness, but it won't change my love for him.
     
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  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    But, you asking him and even bringing it up IS making both of you miserable. You already know that. If he decides that he simply won't quit, what will you do? Just how unhappy can you be and still survive your marriage? Not trying to be a "shrink", but just "telling it the way it is". He totally resists stopping and you are unhappy with his decision. I can only hope he see's your feelings. Perhaps some "Tough Love" might be helpful. Read up on Tough Love concerning non-smokers towards their smoking spouses.

    You are at a "standoff" with each other. Love can only go so far when it comes to a serious thing like smoking and health.
     
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  15. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    LOL Cody, you are just to funny sometimes! :) Where do you come up with all this stuff?
     
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  16. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Actually, it’s NOT funny, as unhappy as you seem to be about it.
    The situation isn’t funny, is it??
     
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  17. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Cody, I think you have no idea what is going on in my marriage...nor do you understand that I would not let one issue we don't agree on destroy a marriage that is so good in so many other ways.
     
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  18. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Whatever, Babs. You are the one complaining about his smoking and how much you’d like to see him stop.
    So, I think everyone in this forum knows you have a major problem concerning him.
    This isn’t the first time you mentioned this problem.
    Question is, just what are you going to do if he absolutely won’t stop? Perhaps he will try, but he has a deep love for smoking.
     
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  19. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Cody, you are free to express your opinions...even if you don't know what you are talking about. But you are not free to tell me what I think or feel...or what I should do or not do.
     
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  20. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Please do’t get upset with me. Sorry, I’m not as compassionate as some.
    Again, I don’t have to tell you what to do, but it’s obvious that what you have tried to do hasn’t worked.

    Bottom Line is, sometimes asking a person to stop doing something (some would call it “nagging”) that they really love doing, just doesn’t work. The man wants to smoke, no matter what you want.
     
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  21. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    All I can say, Babs, is good luck with this. I truly do hope he does something about this.
     
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  22. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    If Someone Asks You What You Would Like For Christmas, Do You Tell Them The Truth?

    Okay, now maybe we can get back to this topic.


    As for me...if someone asks me what I want for Christmas I do tell them the truth. :)
     
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  23. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Veteran Member
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    Yep, I tell the truth.............I do not want anything so therefore I do not ask for anything hence my not unwrapping a whole bunch of stuff on Christmas. No muss, no fuss, no ribbons to trip over and no colorful paper to throw in the trash.
    Although, to think about it and whether I asked for it or not, I did get an electronic pen and a very stylish pipe last year.
     
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  24. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Greeter
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    Why are you “yelling” at us, @Babs Hunt ?
    You put the telling your husband you want him to stop smoking for your Christmas present, and you made that a part of this thread As far as I can see, the thread has not gone off topic since this is what you started talking about.
    It IS the whole content of your post, and the only place you mention something different is in the title; so we are only discussing the topic that you wrote about in this thread.
    Re-read your opening post and see if you can see anything in there besides you wanting your husband to stop smoking.

    Also, I didn’t see anywhere in his posts that @Cody Fousnaugh was trying to tell you what to do, say, or feel. All I see in his posts is a concerned person who cares about you.
     
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  25. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    I'm not yelling at anyone Yvonne. :) When I copy and pasted the title of my thread it came out bold like that and the couple of other sentences typed in bold right along with the title I copy and pasted.
     
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