My sister was 12 years my senior. This meant that by the time I had any idea of her "high-jinks", she had met at 16, the guy of her dreams. My folks tried to reason with her, the response being they would elope. So, they were married, he, a pretty decent guy just discharged from the Navy, born & raised in Pennsylvania. My sister's previous exploits at 15, included running away from home with a school friend (female), being found in a jail in Oklahoma amongst war prisoners! Gasoline still being in short supply, and rationed, my dad took a Greyhound down there from Chicago, and dragged her back home. She did not want to accompany him! A rebel, yes, I guess so. So, a year later, she married Phil, from PA. They lived with us, I was 4. My nephew, Danny, was born when I was 5, making me an uncle. Bad things ensued, and Phil wrapped the infant of 3 months old in a blanket and took him back home to PA! His mother contacted mine, imploring her to take the kid back, she could not raise yet another baby. My Mother & Sister hit the Greyhound to East Brady, PA, and brought back the kid I would grow up with, like a brother. My sister worked, while my Mother did not, aside from handling two boys constantly engaged in some form of hassle! So, Danny & I went shopping with my Mother, doing the other daily routines, until "Bud" came along, met in a bar, Harley freak, and my Sister married him in 1950. 2nd. nephew, Mike, came along in '51. See, I've had 3 brothers-in-law, Phil, then Bud, then Rick, my ex-wife's brother. Phil showed up on Danny's 15th birthday! After that many years, asking to see his kid! Bud spent a lifetime abusing my Sister, and Rick, my favorite, died at 25 the victim of a self-imposed disease (they thought), called Ulcerative Colitis. Through all those years, I was never aware of Bud abusing my sister. I DID know he was a notorious drinker. Danny's brother, Mike, clued me many years later, when we became close as uncle & nephew for the first time. The abuse occurred daily when Bud returned home after the day's work of driving a tank truck, inebriated, and Mike cowered behind his bed listening to the day's "fight". Danny, surprisingly, 4 years older, remembers none of it. Today, many years later, Mike and I are very close emotionally, Danny and I less so than ever before. My sister, had often told our Mother, while shopping somewhere, "Maybe today he will drive the truck into a bridge". Danny was told at 13 Bud was not his father. Today, Dan feels empathy toward Bud, despite all the abuse, saying Bud always treated him as "his own". The 3 others not yet mentioned, the girls, born in 1959, 60, and 70, are only remotely ingrained in all this. Bud and my Sister both smoked, heavily, and drank, heavily. The girls, ever astute observers, once counted empty Budweiser cans on a Saturday evening, proclaiming a count of 35 consumed by their father during that day! Despite the smoking and incredibly heavy drinking, Bud nearly outlived us all! My sister died in 1995 of heart failure related to emphysema, but the wife-beating over-bearing, heavy-drinking bastard I always thought well of, (until Mike's revelations), finally croaked a year ago, at 88! May his remains moulder in peace. Frank
Well Frank, quite a tale there. My family on both sides is pretty solid at least by outward appearances. I am no doubt the black sheep. My ex used to call my family the Norman Rockwells...lol. They are good people, except for my one crazy aunt who seems to have spawned two crazy cousins..although one of them is very sweet..
We have a saying that "bad weeds" don't die early. At 88, I think Bud had a full life behind him. But I'm amused at the attitude of Danny towards Bud, the empathy you said that he was treated by Bud as his own. Maybe Danny had seen the good side of Bud that you guys failed to notice. And from what I understand, Danny lived with Bud for a time so he knows the guy for sure, better than you do. As with the abuse of your sister, well, that's beside the point. PS. Is Danny your nephew who died as you mentioned in one of your posts? Pardon me if I am wrong.
@Corie Henson Bud adopted Danny when the boy was 4 years old. Danny lives in Kansas, and will turn 70 next year, as I aim at 75. It was my first-wife's brother, Rick, who died on his 25th. birthday, from natural causes brought on by a highly unnatural act. Frank
@Von Jones (This is a long one, WARNING!) Dysfunctional family? Yes, indeed! My sister quit high school after running away from home, and being brought back by my Dad. I was three then, so remember not much, but one vivid scene is imbedded: very loud words, my Dad slapping my sister across the face with the back of his hand, and she slamming her bedroom door behind her. Think she worked somewhere, the War ended, 1945, and she met a returning Sailor at a Roller Rink, where she & previous friends from school hung out. His name was Phil Bowser, and he had been discharged from the Navy at Great Lakes Naval Training Center, north of Chicago. Thus he came to be far away from his home in Pennsylvania. They hit it off together, he being older, not sure how much, no more than 5 or 6 years though. She sought parental permission to marry him; my folks tried to talk her out of it. Announced then, they would elope. So, they were married. They lived with us, and Danny was born August, 1947. At that point, I was 5, my sister 17. I remember one night: it was very hot, Phil, Lois, and Danny were sleeping in the middle bedroom. Again, vivid memory due to strange things recalled. Phil had placed a small electric fan in the room, with the blade facing upwards, blowing towards the ceiling! Seemed strange to me. Very late, perhaps Midnight, a commotion out front, horn blowing, loud talk and laughter, sister's high school friends asking her to accompany them, She did! Remember Phil holding Danny, must have been late September, late that night. He was crying, seeking help from my Mother, asking what should he do. I guess my sister returned before daybreak, but by then, all semblance of "normal" in the house was gone. Phil wrapped the infant in a blanket, put him in his old Buick, and announced he was leaving for Pennsylvania! He did! My sister was aloof, didn't care. My folks adamant, probably as distraught as anyone. Within a few days, Phil's mother called my Mother from PA, telling her she still had a couple of kids at home, and could not raise another baby. Greyhound took my Mother & sister to East Brady, PA, talked Phil, who surely was pressured by his own mother to give up the baby, and they brought the kid back to Chicago. So, for several years, Danny & I grew up together like brothers, me being the 5-year old "Uncle". My sister worked in Chicago in the office at Liquid Carbonic Co., and my Mother cared for two boys. Within a few years, Lois met Bud, in the Red Arrow Lounge, in Stickney, Illinois, great place to meet husband material. 'Course, my Dad and Mother, courting years earlier, had occasion to once be present at the Red Arrow, then a Prohibition speak-easy. My Dad told of Al Capone having arrived while they were there, and "Big Al" threw hundreds on the bar. Everyone drank "on Big Al"! Bud and Lois married, Bud adopted Danny officially, changing his last name. A strange quirk occurred 15 years later, which might add substance to credibility, but this is now long enough. The letters are typing in very slowly. If no objections are voiced, I'll finish later. Thanks for staying this long! Frank
@Von Jones (continuation, and end). The years rolled by, no one heard a thing from or about Danny's father in PA. Summer of Danny's 15th. year, my Mother got a call out of the blue from Phil: might she arrange for hi to see his boy? She talked to my sister, who stated she didn't care, just keep Phil away. Danny had learned Bud was not his natural father around age 13. He still cannot recall who told him; I assumed always it was his mother or Bud. So, he eagerly looked forward to "meeting" his real father, amidst loathing from Lois & Bud. Sometime in late summer, 1962, just before Danny's birthday, a car pulled up in front of our house, Danny waiting inside with my Mother & I, and Phil, his wife, and their son, Mike, emerged. I watched as Danny slowly approached them, there on our front lawn. Phil was crying! I rarely saw men cry, and was impressed by his deep sincerity. Danny spent the day with them. The following year, for Danny's 16th. birthday, Phil returned; similar emotional day spent. Danny finished high school, and joined the Marine Corps. On leave, he drove to PA to see his father. Bud despised him for this, and vehemently showed it. Dan got out of the Corps. in 1972 at 25, married, and entered into business with me taking over an ARCO service station in Las Vegas. He had been trained and certified as a Welder in the Corps. We parted ways when his new wife demanded they move back to L.A., to be near her mother. During the following 20 years, Dan & I were separated, never saw each other in person. He had 3 sons during that time. Sometime in the early '90s he contacted me asking my opinion of whether he should venture forth to PA again, risking more serious familial disruption. I urged him to go ahead, which he did. While there, Phil revealed he was dying of cancer; how lucky Dan went! About a year later, another trip was made, to the funeral. In 1995, at a hospital in Chicago, as my sister lie dying in the nearby room, Bud went into a tirade, only he and I present, about hoe Dan should never have gone to PA, how much my sister HATED Phil. Yeah, I thought, hated so much she bore his son for him. But, as usual, I said nothing, but thought much. About Bud. Now, here's the final "kicker". How Fate operates. Phil and his 2nd. wife in PA had a single son, in 1951, and named him Mike. Meanwhile, my sister and Bud had a son, Dan's half-brother, and named him Mike. In 1951! My life has been very convoluted, wound about events of dysfunction, lack of love, loss of respect, yet closeness hidden behind a cloak of secrecy between me and my two nephews. Mike is now 65, retired from teaching college in Flagstaff, AZ, and Dan is living in Kansas, unhappily married to a 4-times previously married witch draining away his last remaining resources. He was 69 in August. Frank
@Frank Sanoica it's good that you are there for both of your nephews. It's sad though that your sister passed without forgiving Phil but having been in an abusive marriage myself I can relate to her feelings. As far as the secrecy someone recently shared this with me. There are some secrects that should be carried to the grave even so the Bible says that all things shall be revealed. Thank you for sharing, Frank.
@Von Jones Von, I really ought to stop, I suppose. Some of it is beyond the realm of believability, I know. The rest of the story: Nephew Dan had 3 boys, youngest Dan, Jr. After 24 years of marriage, when Dan, Jr. (Danny now) was 16, his mother walked out only several weeks before his parent's 25th. anniversary, for which Dan had planned an extensive bash. Danny was so devastated, he quit school. Worked a couple of years making pizza, then listened to his father. He joined the Marines, just as Dan my nephew did, a year after graduating H.S. But, Danny did not, and thus completed a GED, joined up, and was transformed from a young man going astray to a highly upstanding individual. He decided to stay in the Corps., recently made Warrant Officer rank. We are very proud of him, and he for some reason holds me, of all the relatives, in higher esteem than I think I deserve. Probably because he saw and respected the great variety of skilled abilities I have garnered over a lifetime. He has become a certified welder and heavy equipment mechanic, sent to schools all over the country. Now, though he cannot talk about it, we believe he leads a large group of advanced Marines in various technical capacities. If he remains in the Marines 9 more years, he can retire at 50% pay scale, 75% for 21 more years, 30 total. He has hopes that we will get together and do some car building when he musters out. He is 34. Alas, his old Great-Uncle will be long gone by then....... He is stationed in NC now, after a number of years in MO. Born in KS, he does not care to live there again, and will likely become an Arizonan. In September, a possible move to San Diego, which would put him & his wife within a few hours drive of us. They have flown out twice to see us, enjoying a few days in Vegas, the closest major airport to our location near Laughlin/Bull Head City. Frank