Personal Evaluation

Discussion in 'Personal Diaries' started by Von Jones, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. Von Jones

    Von Jones Veteran Member
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    Do you ever evaluate yourself when someone points out something about you?

    Example: I was told that I talk to 'them' like they were children/child. I didn't think so but it made me more conscientious about how I talk to adults. I wondered in what way - was it the words that I chose - was it the tone in my voice? Needless to say I couldn't figure it out so I'm sure I'll hear it again.:rolleyes:
     
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    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
  2. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    I've had people "think" that I'm mouthy aka love to talk. Some folks, younger, our age and older, don't like the humor I use.

    Will I ever change...…..nope! Actually my wife hates it when I'm too quiet and absolutely loves my humorous side.
     
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  3. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    Great thread, @Von Jones ! I absolutely agree with you, and when someone gives me input about my behavior, I always at least try to understand why they think that way.
    In my case, a great example is what Bobby and my daughter, Robin, call “The Knitting Look”, which they considered to mean that I was really upset with them about something.
    After trying to understand this (because knitting is one of my “happy things”), I finally realized that when I am trying out a new pattern, and trying to understand the written instructions of how to do a difficult knitting stitch, I have a look of intense concentration on my face, and when I am interrupted by someone trying to converse with me and distract me from my thought process, then I probably DO have a mean look, even though I am not actually upset with someone.
    I have tried to explain to them that it just means that I am concentrating on something, and not that I am angry, and I do try not to get that look when I can tell that I am doing it.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
  4. Lon Tanner

    Lon Tanner Veteran Member
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    Can't recall anyone ever pointing out something about me other than my height 6' 4" and baritone speaking voice. I never go through self evaluation.
     
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  5. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    My first impulse is probably going to be defensive. Even if I realize that I had been wrong, I will put up the best defense possible. Later, I'll give it some thought but I won't necessarily go back and acknowledge that to the person who has criticized me, particularly if I feel that I had exonerated myself.
     
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  6. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Definitely I do Von - its good to be self aware
    I noticed I was coming across like a character on TV - I quickly changed my stance that day and forever more
    Other than that instance, I self evaluate a lot, its good to do that :)
     
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  7. Lulu Moppet

    Lulu Moppet Very Well-Known Member
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    Do you ever evaluate yourself when someone points out something about you?
    Yes, but always afterwards seeing if it meets two criteria:
    1. Have I been honest?
    "To thine own self be true, then thou canst not be false to any other man." This has been my personal motto for over 50 years when, as a teenager, I realized how complicated it is to lie. The truth is so much more simple.
    2. "Don't take anything personally."
    This is from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. To quote from this worthy book:
    "Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world..................Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…"

    I highlighted insults to remind myself that the same standard goes for compliments equally as well.

    Von, this is such a great question. Yes, I do, because the feelings and ideas of others matter very much. Given that, it does not mean to lose the core of one's own self. Can't get to one's own self without evaluation.


     
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  8. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    @Lulu Moppet - absolutely love the quotes above, very true for the way I see things
    To self evaluate is good though 'still' being true to yourself, just making sure you have it right in that circumstance
     
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  9. Von Jones

    Von Jones Veteran Member
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    I believe I was on the defensive too. I didn't say what I was thinking just reinerated what I said.

    It was said 'out of the blue' and I hate that. Like trying to make me feel bad about what I said. Ugh.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
  10. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
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    I think I have always evaluated (Judged) myself much more harshly that I have other people. I have had to learn to be as kind to myself as I try to be to others. I read a book about that once. It said that if a friend had said or done what you are judging, what would you say to them? Well, then say the same thing to yourself. Then let it go.

    It's a little more complicated than that but that's the simplified version.
     
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  11. Emma Smith

    Emma Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    Do you ever evaluate yourself when someone points out something about you?

    If they knew me well, they did it privately and they meant well, yes.

    With all the cheeky, sneaky, passive-aggressive (sneaky aggression), sarcasm - all the very negative, middle-school behavior
    that's so common, self-reflection doesn't seem to take up a lot of people's time. "Sweeping your own doorstep before you worry about someone else's," a good rule.
     
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  12. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    That's a great saying - hope I remember it !
     
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  13. Martin Alonzo

    Martin Alonzo Veteran Member
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    When I took NLP training it gave me the opportunity to understand myself and others. I do my best to step into the other persons shoes and notice it from their position. Or to just step back and look at it from some ones else’s point of view. Also I love it when someone disagrees with me because it is an opportunity to learn. The NLP gave me the opportunity and flexibility to understand what is going on in the other persons mind.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 19, 2019
  14. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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  15. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Very Well-Known Member
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    @Von Jones Well it is a daily occurrence with me. I try to improve, but at my age that is very difficult. I have made progress but I still enjoy checking my visually locked door with a deadbolt at least five times. Only time such is a problem is when I check Zek's car doors after he has locked them. It drives him crazy!!! Soon I am going to surprise him. I am thinking a no no Fayette sticky note on my cellphone case .. "Do not check the car door, just walk away." Other long time friends are good at bringing my attention to my annoying habits and I do try to change.
     
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    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019

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