Phyllis Diller

Discussion in 'Make Me Laugh' started by Louise Williams, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. Louise Williams

    Louise Williams Veteran Member
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    Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
    -Phyllis Diller

    Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
    -Phyllis Diller


    Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
    -Phyllis Diller



    The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
    -Phyllis Diller



    Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
    -Phyllis Diller



    A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
    -Phyllis Diller



    I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them
    -Phyllis Diller



    Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
    -Phyllis Diller


    Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
    -Phyllis Diller


    We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up
    -Phyllis Diller



    Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
    -Phyllis Diller



    The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
    -Phyllis Diller



    Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
    -Phyllis Diller


    My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.
    -Phyllis Diller




    Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
    -Phyllis Diller



    I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
    -Phyllis Diller


    The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
    -Phyllis Diller


    You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type
    -Phyllis Diller
     
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  2. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I loved her way back when....thanks!
     
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  3. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    yes very funny...I've read most of these before but they are still funny even now..
     
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  4. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
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  5. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
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  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    #6
  7. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Love them all - especially this one :p
     
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  8. Louise Williams

    Louise Williams Veteran Member
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    yes, I've watched her every chance I could years ago and died laughing then as much as I laughed again this time. she was a real hoot. was nice clean jokes too, she wasn't nasty like some women comedians are now a day..
     
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