Did anyone watch The Slap on NBC last night? It's a very interesting premise - a group of adult friends with children get together for a birthday. One 5 year old boy is completely out of control, however, the adults are too polite to call the parents out and make them discipline him. When he starts swinging a bat around and threatening the other children, one man (not the father) goes over and takes the bat away from him. The boy then kicks him and the man slaps him across the face. And that begins the controversy. NBC says - "Everyone is understandably stunned, and the party abruptly ends with the child's parents vowing legal action. What the hosts and guests don't know, however, is that this moment will ignite a chain of events that will uncover long-buried secrets within this group of friends and family... and vigorously challenge the core values of everyone involved." I grew up in a time when spanking was an acceptable form of discipline. As my mother used to always say, "That's why God put butts on babies". But today, it seems that discipline is sadly lacking. I think the show will bring up some interesting questions - what is acceptable when disciplining children? If the parents won't control their children, should others intervene? How has society gotten to the point that children are allowed to become so out of control? I'm really looking forward to watching the rest of the series. It should be thought-provoking - as long as they present both sides of the issue.
I have only seen the previews for the show. It will be in interesting to see how the story line treats this subject as many people do not condone striking a child as a form of discipline. Actually when I saw the man slap the kid on the preview I was shocked because that is something that you just don't do to a kid. When I was a child I got the belt applied to my butt even if I did not do anything to deserve it. This story line looks interesting, I will have to check it out.
I agree, slapping a child in the face isn't acceptable, but watching the show, it almost seemed appropriate. The kid had been severely misbehaving all day and then when he didn't get his way playing baseball, he started swinging the bat at the other kids. When the man takes the bat away from him, he kicked him. I think the man just reacted without thinking - and slapped the kid. I hate to admit it, but when my son was about 2, I was leaning down to tie his shoes and for some reason he slapping me across the face and without thinking, I slapped him back. Not hard, it didn't even leave a red mark, but enough that he noticed it. This was the first, and last, time that he ever hit anyone. While I regret slapping him, and certainly wouldn't do it again, it got the message across to him - what it felt like to be hit and why he shouldn't ever hit anyone else. So what are your thoughts on discipline?
I think that there is a HUGE difference between discipline and abuse. All children (and some adults) need discipline, especially when you want them to grow up and fit in with society nicely. When children are toddlers, explaining something just does not do any good. I remember being bitten about the time my kids were a year or so old, and had a good set of teeth. They thought it was fun, and would slip up beside you, cuddle, and then bite, usually a tender place on the underarm. We all got tired of that really fast, and with my oldest; I finally bit him back when he bit me. It was not a hard bite, but enough that he rapidly learned that biting is only fun when you are the one doing the biting. By the time the next ones came along, we knew what to do, and they were promptly bitten back when they strted it, and that ended the biting phase. (by the way, this also worked with my pony when he bit me. My 4-H leader told me to grab his ear and bite it the next time he bit me. I did just that, and he never bit me again after that. ) Once a chld is old enough to be reasoned with, that is usually a better way to deal with them, or loss/confiscation of a toy or privelige that they value. The child you are describing was allowed to become that way by his parents. I can understand the man hitting him; but it was probably not the right way to deal with it. Maybe that child will be more careful how he acts with strangers now; but it is not likely to have changed his behavior in general. I don't understand why any parent would want their child to grow up like that boy, but I have also seen children allowed to behave poorly and the parent didn't seem to care.
I agree that once a child is old enough to be reasoned with, there should be no reason physical discipline, short of self defense. My parents never spanked us or struck us when I was growing up, so I haven't really thought about that as an option. However, short of actual abuse, that should be a family thing, and not something that the government needs to involve itself with. I have never raised a child younger than six, as my son was six when I began the process of adopting him, and seven by the time it went through. We raised a nephew, but from the age of twelve to eighteen, so I have no experience with pre-verbal human beings. He was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, however, so anyone who has any experience with RAD will know that discipline problem go hand in hand with it. Still, physical punishment was not one of my tools.
I use to teach Sunday School at my church, in the class there was a little boy that all adults wanted to run in the other direction when he was in their class. When he was in my class and felt that he was going to do the same he did in the other classes we had a little talk. I took him to the hall told him what I expected him to do while in my class and nothing else was acceptable. When we went back to class I had him sit next to me and be my helper. His mother came up to me on Sunday after church, hugged me and asked what did you do to him. He has been so good and thinks you are made of gold. My brother use to bite, when he bite me I bite him back as you said that stopped that. Childred want and need to know that they can only go so far before there is a price to pay and it is not necessary for me to put my hands on you. I had a person come to my house with hard to handle kids I asked her to leave if she could not get her children under control. I don't like being around parents that let their children run wild.
I watched it. I can understand the man's anger, but to face-slap a kid is definitely a no-no! Best way would have been to take the bat, and shame him with words. Ban him from the games of the others - naughty step. Telling the mother, "Either you control your kid or I will" usually works well (even if it is idle - it usually shames them into action) My sister was a single parent (husband run off), and she overly coddled her son - who was sometimes a bit out of control like that kid - not so bad perhaps. She would have a go at anyone telling her son off - my dad sometimes got a good tongue lashing from her. I was the only one that could control the child when he got like that because I made it clear that I expected good behaviour and was very capable of delivering punishment if needed - and without care of my sister's disapproval. I never had to smack the child, I was just authorative enough that the kid understood implicitly that there would be consequences for bad behaviour. I have had two set of children (5 in all) and have never needed to smack them. The problem is some adults smack without explanation or authority - the kids only learn to not get caught - or they shout and make threats but never follow through. There is a not-so-fine line between the two. Authority from the beginning, rules from the get-go - if they know what is and isn't acceptable and that there will be repercussions (real or imagined) then it is natural. I have two teenage daughters now - my wife works overseas, so I am basically a single parent - never smacked either of them, and growing up I had many people coming up to me and congratulating me for my kids behaviour (obviously when they were young). Mistake a lot of parents make is to allow full freedom as toddlers then start to instill rules with carrot and stick - teach them from day 1 and you can "spare the birch" - and they will grow up happier and less confused too.
Sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to watch this show. Maybe its the times in which I grew up. I found myself going wait this is a show about some slapping a kid who is such brat that he deserved to be disciplined maybe not slapped on the face but the man was upset. Yet everyone on the show is outraged about the man's actions and not the kids which provoked the whole situation. Yes, I too am outraged the adults can't see how horribly out of control their kid is and take control of the kid. Maybe the man shouldn't have slapped the kid but in moments such as these things can get out of control. The way this kid was acting from what I read here, as things stand these people should be grateful that he slapped the kid and didn't take the bat to hit him with under the circustances. Now that would of been something to get completely outraged over, and could of really been something for the parents to get upset about.
I really think that's the key. Children, whether they like it or not, need boundaries and rules. These should be stated in a calm fashion, over and over, until they are understand. If they misbehave, they need to be punished, immediately and appropriately. I'm not saying that they need to be spanked, some other form of discipline can be just as effective. You need to tell them what they've done wrong, and what you expect of them. By the same token, they should be praised when they've done good. In my experience, children want to be good - they crave the attention and praise of their parents. It's surprising what a little, "Great job!" or a "Well done", or even a "thank you for doing x" will do - both for their behavior and their self-esteem. Parents think they are being "good" to their kids by not structuring them and giving them rules to live by. But they are really damaging them. As adults, we all have to conform to the rules and laws of society - and if you don't learn how to do that as a child, you're going to have problems as an adult.