Those That Don't Want To Listen

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Mar 12, 2018.

  1. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    Have you ever met someone or know someone who is what some call a "know it all"? IOW, you ask them a question, they answer, but when you start telling them your feelings about the question, they don't want to listen.

    Had a Director/Supervisor at my last job who was just that way. I really liked the guy for the experience he had, but most of the time he didn't want to listen to my side of the topic. Bottom Line........he demanded to be right about everything, work related or not. He threatened to fire me a couple of times, because I started telling him my side/feelings of what we were discussing. He really acted like he simply wanted me to sit there, say nothing except "ok" indicating he was totally right about the discussion.

    We have a friend who is the same way when I call him about a problem we may have with our boat or something else. The guy, who is a little older than me, definitely acts like a "know it all" and really gets upset when I don't like or take his advice 100%. He told me this AM that he is better with boat mechanics than our boat mechanic, who is considered, and has the certificates to prove it, a Master Boat Mechanic. Been going to this mechanic since 2009 and he definitely knows our boat.

    So, do you know someone who loves a one-way discussion and doesn't want to hear someone disagree with them?
     
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  2. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Greeter
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    I don't think I was so obnoxious about it, but for most of my life it has been important to me that I win the argument. In large part, I think it was an exercise in language and persuasion skills, but even when I realized partway in that I was wrong, I was still motivated to advance my argument, and was especially pleased when I could win the argument despite knowing that I was wrong. There were also plenty of times that I went into the argument knowing that I was wrong, just for the fun of having it.

    I still do that sometimes. In fact, if you pay attention, you might notice that I do that here from time to time.

    It's not really winning an argument, though, when you use your position of authority to intimidate someone on the other side of it. That's just sort of obnoxious, and even sad. A one-way discussion is not a discussion.
     
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  3. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Some people are good listeners Cody and some are as you describe
    I like a 2 way conversation - if I don't get it, I fall asleep
     
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  4. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Very Well-Known Member
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    Me...I call them out...then move on.
    @Cody Fousnaugh your best bet...do not ask his advice on anything and tell him very little:)
     
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  5. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Very Well-Known Member
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    Now my mamawa would have claasified you Ken as a Terdhead:D.Least your an honest one.
     
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  6. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    If someone talks over me and doesn't listen to my point of view in a 2 way conversation..I just walk away!! They can talk to themselves as far as I'm concerned.

    However if someone clearly know better than me on a subject I'll gladly just listen .
     
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  7. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Veteran Member
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    Simply put, I am confused.
    If I have someone whom I prefer going to in order to seek instruction, that is the person I use on a continual basis. I will not waste my time nor anyone else's especially if I am not going to heed their advice anyway.

    There is a man who has been working with me for the past couple of months who continually asks me how to do things. For a while, I would tell him and leave him alone to follow instructions but more often than not, he would decide to do things his way and wind up taking more time to finish the project or mess it up beyond belief.
    The other day I sort of snubbed him by telling him that he doesn't need any guidance from me because he doesn't listen to it anyway. I further told him that asking me questions is a waste of my time, downright aggravating and in some cases insulting. I not only tell him HOW to do things but WHY I wish them to be done that way. (a policy I hold in all situations) In most cases I would have already fired him but alas, the disaster of a house we're renovating belongs to him.

    I am never afraid to say, "I don't know or simply dunno" but when I am right and know I am right and someone wishes to argue a point or ignore my stance I am also not afraid to tell someone not to bother me any longer and again, waste what little time I have on this earth and to seek knowledge from someone else.
     
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  8. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Veteran Member
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    Sorta like me. When I works, I works hard, when I plays I plays hard and when I thinks, I falls asleep.
     
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  9. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    The friend does know a lot about different things, but just didn't want to listen to what I had to say. I ask him if he had a dual-battery set-up on any of his boats (he has more than one power boat) and he said "yes". Thing is, his batteries are in the boat in a different location than ours, but does have a dual-battery switch like ours. But, what he couldn't tell me is how his switch is connected to the batteries. But, since the location of his batteries are different than our location, he really couldn't answer my question. Then we started discussing marine batteries and their function in a boat. His thinking about this was very different than what I had been told by our boat mechanic and that I had read. He didn't like hearing what I had read nor what our mechanic had told us.

    He told me "I'm better than your mechanic". Him saying that sparked the disagreement and he started getting very frustrated with me when I was defending our boat mechanic.

    Bottom LIne is: I really, really have to THINK before asking him certain questions.
     
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  10. Von Jones

    Von Jones Veteran Member
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    I'm going through this situation with a family presently, my sister. Boy I am so thankful now that my Johnny listens to me and knows how to lose an argument or concede in a discussion. :)
     
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  11. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Veteran Member
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    It is definitely not a moot point to say that we are all guilty of not listening. Barring any ocular difficulties, we all hear but many times are not necessarily listening to what is going on around us much less someone who is trying to talk to us.
    The often comic driven circumstance of a husband reading his newspaper over coffee in the morning whilst the wife is attempting to engage in some type of conversation is a good example. Multiple ah's, uh-huh's, with no form of understanding does not a conversation make especially because the husband only heard his wife but did not really listen.

    Listening, not just hearing, is one of three devices for learning and sadly one that we all miss out on from time to time. The ladies are actually more adept at listening than men are but still, no one is guiltless of the faux pas.
    In a debate or even a casual conversation, the good listener will be processing incoming information whilst at the same time formulate a good answer but the hearer will be formulating an answer without having full knowledge of what has been said or written.
    Sometimes it isn't a matter of "I am always right" but a matter of not processing what has actually transpired in a previous part of the conversation.
    Now, in regard to the self centered narcissist, there is possibly no hope for them because they are pretty much stuck on stupid with stinkin' thinkin' and truthfully need to be avoided just to keep from wishing something to drop on their heads from on high.

    Learning to listen and even really read, in context and with coherence, is something that has to be practiced and moreover for some, need to be learned from square one and then practiced.
     
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    Last edited: Mar 13, 2018
  12. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Greeter
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    There have been times when I have been given advice that I didn't ask for and, although the advice may well have been sound, I wanted to do it my way, largely because there is no way that I could be convinced that my way wasn't better until I had tried it and failed. To be sure, sometimes I would fail but sometimes my way really was better, or just as good.

    When I moved to California, I took a job with a fiberglass boat company, which is something I had been doing for a few years in Michigan. They hired me because I had experience as a chopper operator, and my previous company was very pleased with my work.

    The moment I started spraying the chop, they had me stop, telling me that I didn't know what I was doing, going on to berate me for saying I had experience in something I didn't know anything about. Then they assigned to perform a roller task, which is an entry-level job that anyone can do.

    Other than using a slightly different form, which was the way I had learned to do the job, my chop would have been every bit as good as that of the guy they had, if not better, which they would have seen had they let me finish.

    It was their job, so I would have done it their way, had they bothered to tell me how they wanted it done. But they were convinced that there only was one right way to do it, and if I didn't do it that way, I didn't know what I was doing.

    That was frustrating, so I quit.
     
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    Last edited: Mar 13, 2018
  13. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    On my last job, with same supervisor/director, each time I'd ask him something about an inventory cycle count, whereas I had to show him my cycle count Excel spreadsheet, he would inevitably ask me to get up from my desk, he would sit down and change the cell and font size of my spreadsheet. When he'd make a spreadsheet, he always made it in small cells and print, that he liked. He would change mine to what he liked. After he left my office, I'd change the cell and font size back to larger, so I could read it.

    I'd forget that I'd changed the cell and font size and he'd ask me why I changed it back and I'd tell him "so I can read it without squinting". My explanation didn't cut it and he'd change it back and I'd change it back after he left.

    If he would've made sure the people doing the cycle counts were doing them correctly, I wouldn't have had to ask him anything about them. Unfortunately, the three employees, that were my co-workers, were drivers for the department and didn't like doing cycle counts. They actually told me that.

    Of course, he wasn't the type of person to LISTEN to some people, including me, about a few problems in the department. He was in-charge of the department, meaning, to him, that he was always right on anything concerning the department.
     
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  14. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Very Well-Known Member
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    Bingo
     
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  15. Don Alaska

    Don Alaska Very Well-Known Member
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    It seems like you could have copied the spreadsheet, changed the font on the copy, and let the boss deal with the copy, although you would either have to copy frequently or update both copies--that would have been a pain.
     
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  16. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
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    I work with some real gems where I work now. I work with the one new (less than a year) RN and she is a real know it all. They offered her a desk, computer job and she jumped at it. Already. While I've been on my feet almost 27 years at it but anyway, this treasure comes to work one day and starts yelling she can't find any meds for this person. I was on the other cart and had worked the cart she was on the day before. I explained I couldn't find the Lidoderm patches but ordered them and they should have come in. There they were. And she couldn't find this and that and insinuated what did I do yesterday. I explained where one med was (I think it was a narcotic and know it and didn't know that) and informed her that the other med she was looking for was in a bottle. That med never comes in punch cards it's always in a bottle with a filter under the cap. She didn't know that. Know it all.

    Or the ones that never shut up. I work with a registry nurse on occasion. I like her personally but say one sentence and she won't shut up for five minutes. So I try not to talk to her.

    I'm not one that needs to be right. I'll literally let people think they got the best of me if that is what they need to believe. I'm not argumentative. It's just not worth it.
     
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  17. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Veteran Member
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    But it need not be limited to on the job incidents........Both my wife and I have become accustomed to "rating" others, especially limited-time encounters, new acquaintances, even friends, as to whether the person as willing to listen as wanting to talk. The "talkers" are most usually the dislikable folks.

    Now, I know for a fact that I'm a blabbermouth. Surprisingly, though, not at all so in everyday face to face encounters. I believe I've been introverted throughout my lifetime, beginning especially after being burned seriously while in the 8th. grade. For some reason inexplicable, I relish carrying-on in this faceless, ethereal internet existence.

    Take the Smart Phones, now, Psychologists are actually treating patients for being "addicted" to them, while disregarding traditional relationships and socially acceptable interaction.

    What utter rubbish! Frank
     
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  18. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    Oh, put me in a good debate and I'll go at it. Like I always say, I have no problem with confrontation, but it has to be with the right person. Basically, someone that will end up agreeing with me. (LOL)
     
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  19. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    Good or bad, wife and I "rate", which, to us, is just another word for "judging" others quite often, especially if we see a gorgeous young girl smoking a cigarette or somebody who has tattoo's spread up and down their arms, legs and around their neck.

    As far as being an introvert or extrovert, I'm definitely and extrovert, but haven't always been. During the years I was divorced and looking, I found out that I was to much of an introvert and that wasn't good for being single and looking. I would go to a nightclub and just stand around. Shoot, if I wouldn't have changed my personality, from being too much of an introvert, I would have never met my wife.
     
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  20. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    I agree, I think that most of us 'judge' to a certain extent @Cody Fousnaugh ..as you say , comment on something extraordinary , the way someone may be dressed or tattooed, or the colour of their hair.... or perhaps the way someone is acting or speaking in a way that's different to what we may be used to..''

    it's human nature to comment..or even silently judge whether for the good or bad..
     
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  21. Denise Richardson

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    Oh yes! I have a sister that thinks she know better than anyone about everything. She will ask about my health and I start to tell her but before I can get started good, she is arguing with me as if she knows more about what my health than either my doctor or myself. Also, she has argued with me about how I used to wear my hair. It didn't matter to her that I used to fix it and saw it everyday. She thought she knew more about it than I did. I'm just staying away from her and I don't miss her one bit!
     
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  22. Martin Alonzo

    Martin Alonzo Veteran Member
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    When I meet a person like Cody is talking about I just have fun and not take personally. When they are wrong I will agree with them and show them how reticules their argument is. they cannot argue with you if you agree with them. It is only upsetting if you take it personally. Have fun let them show you how stupid they are
     
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