What Do You Say

to someone who has just been told that she has cancer and has less than a year to live?

My sister-in-law (DH's sister) got that tragic news yesterday. We have been more like sisters that sisters-in-law for a long time. Needless to say, I am distraught. I am sure she is devastated. I know I should go to see her but ………………. what on Earth can I say?

 

Your really don't have to say anything. Just being with her may cheer her up, some. Going through this alone makes it so much harder. Don't stay away.

 

@Joe Riley is right. Just spend time with her and be available to talk or meet her needs whatever they may be...perhaps taking her someplace or doing something together as long as she is well enough. Don't dwell on her illness unless she chooses to talk about it. Be the same friend you always have been, @Shirley Martin

 

Just tell her you love her and how much she means to you.

 

How I agree with this statement - followed by hugs, reassurance for you both xx
I wish you, and all concerned absolute strength and guidance

 

There's really nothing you can say that will change things Shirley...but being there to hug and maybe even cry with her, etc. will let her know you are there for her. If you two have a sister relationship go be that sister to her during her time of need. You might think about what you would need if you had just gotten that news.

 

Sorry to hear you're going through this as a family Shirley... ((hugs)))

 

So sorry Shirley. That’s one of my biggest fears...hearing those words about a loved one or even about myself.

I agree with everything that’s been said so far.

Just visit her and take your cue from her...everyone deals differently.

Just be there for her in whatever she needs...if you can. Are you near her?

 

When my husband was terminal...obviously there were some bad days but for the most part life ws fairly normal.

We talked, he watched Tv, slept even laughed.

It’s hard to explain ....while I knew he was dying ...life ws still very normal.

Before he became bedridden we went to my daughter’s, ate out, went shopping etc.

Everything was just a bit more difficult because he had a wheelchair and then a scooter but it was just a pain for me

I’d get him in the car and then deal with scooter or wheelchair by myself.

It’s probably a good thing I was only 53 at the time. Don’t think my back could handle that scooter now.

If you don’t mind sharing @Shirley Martin ...how old is she and what type of cancer?

Edit: I left out the part where we even fought sometimes. He could get very grumpy and obnoxious but then he was dying, on a bunch of meds, etc.

 

Thanks, y'all. I don't know what else to say, just, "Thank you." I plan to go see her tomorrow.

@Chrissy Cross, she lives about 20 miles from me. We visit fairly often and talk on the phone several times a week.

She has been having severe backaches for the last few months. She had an MRI done just before Christmas and it showed what the doctor thought was metastatic cancer in her spine. She went to Duke Hospital and they did MRIs and said she has several spots of cancer in her spine, stage four lung cancer, and cancer in her breasts. They want to do an MRI of her brain because they think it may be in her brain. I don't see much point in doing that.

 

Poor woman!! Besides you..does she have many family members nearby?

I agree...to be honest, it doesn’t sound good and I just hope they keep her pain free as much as possible.

That’s what I would want.

I feel so bad for you...for her...her loved ones.

❤️

 

I'm sadden to hear about your sister-in-law and with the others there really isn't anything you can say just be there for her.

 

I add my agreement to everything already said. ((Shirley)). Just assure her you are there for her, which your actions & attitude already prove you are. Very sorry.

 

Thank you.