When Did We Become Our Mothers?

Discussion in 'People I Have Known' started by Mal Campbell, Jan 26, 2015.

  1. Mal Campbell

    Mal Campbell Well-Known Member
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    I can remember when I was young, my mother saying and doing things that I really hated. Things that made her seem so old and out of touch. Yet now that I have a 25 year old, I find that there are times I open my mouth and my mother's voice comes out!! :eek: It's so scary! I usually quickly back pedal and try to make it sound more hip or cool (see, there I go again - I don't know the hip or cool words to use - yikes).

    I find my son has these really strong opinions and I can tell that they have been formed from this idealist place, that he hasn't really had enough experiences to form "real world" opinions. I was just like him at that age - I thought I knew so much, but as I continued to live life, I realized how wrong I was. I want to tell him this, that his opinions and feelings about things will change, but every time I do, I remember my mom saying the same thing and I remember how I felt she was so old-fashioned and I just tuned her out. I can see that same "eye roll" sometimes - and it's so frustrating.
     
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  2. Von Jones

    Von Jones Veteran Member
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    The best answer to that question is - when we began to have children and they began to do and say the things that we did when we were their age. My eight year old grandson would tell me that I sound just like 'Gran' (my mother). That is all we know as parents - is our parents. I'm tickled when it happens to me. I'd think 'There's Mom again."
     
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  3. Val Carey

    Val Carey Member
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    You don't need to have children for that to happen. I found while caring for Mum that I was using the same phrases and 'parenting tactics' on her that she had used on me. I think the irony of that somehow made the situation more tolerable.

    It was my own private joke as she couldn't ever see me as other than a small child who needed her guidance in everything, even when I was over 60 years old and she was completely reliant on me.
    It appears many don't see the changing roles happening and are quite surprised to realise the fact. In a stressful moment, when I was almost crippled by back problems brought on by supporting Mum's weight in showering her etc she said unthinkingly " A young girl like you shouldn't have anything wrong with her back." I lost it! I just looked her straight in the eye and said "Don't you realise that I am now older than your own mother was when she died?? Would you have expected your own 60 year old mother to be doing these things for you now? No? Well I am 3 years older than she was!"

    I will never forget her expression of shock and horror because no, it had never occurred to her at all that I wasn't still the fit 20ish year old who had started caring for her 40 years earlier. She was shattered by that realisation and I wished I hadn't pointed it out, she became very depressed and 'guilty' after that and it wasn't my intention to make her feel that way. But it was illuminating to realise just how 'unseeing' of changing roles we can be sometimes.
     
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  4. Pat Baker

    Pat Baker Well-Known Member
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    We repeat what we hear and what we are taught. If you have not had any other training that is what you will teach your children. I heard one of my grand sons say something to his brother that I had been saying to him for some time. It was a surprise to hear him say it and the way and the situation was the way I had said it to him. I didn't think he had been paying any attention to me and it had been a while since the last time I had used that statement.
     
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  5. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
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    When my kids were young, I'd always jokingly threaten her with "I'll beat you with a stick!" It was so funny the first time I heard my son tell his daughter the same thing!
     
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  6. Adam Fields

    Adam Fields Member
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    It's funny how as you get older your mentality changes. Things your parents used to say or do no longer seem as "dumb" as they did when you were a kid. Often times as you grow older you realize how ridiculous you may have acted towards your parents and end up feeling bad about it. I did anyway and I apologized as I grew older for not listening to advice they had given me.
     
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  7. Hannah Davis

    Hannah Davis Active Member
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    Yes, I know somehow the older genration has now become my generation and I don't know how. I am about to become a great aunt, because my sister's youngest daughter is pregnant. Her oldest daughter is now 31 years old. I realize that for them I am in the postion that my parents use to be in as one of theri elders in their family. It can seem a bit undaunting at times. I find myself now realizing the things my parents had to deal with because I am no dealing with them. I can almost hear my father laughing because I never understood his position on certain things such as finances but I do now.
     
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  8. Avigail David

    Avigail David Very Well-Known Member
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    I can identify with you and with what you are saying. Oh, they're finding their own identity with themselves and with the world view they are in now; like we did. I participated in the political arena as an activist in college. I think it's healthy that they are thinking for themselves and are forming their own opinions and purposes in life to help make a better moral world we live in.
     
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  9. Scott Laughlin

    Scott Laughlin Active Member
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  10. Scott Laughlin

    Scott Laughlin Active Member
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    The most important thing I've learned in my 83 years is to keep my mouth shut.
     
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