Years ago I knew a lady that was so upset that her husband smoked a lot, wound up with lung cancer and died. She told me that she tried talking to him about stopping and he would never listen. She told me straight up "he killed himself and he didn't have to." My wife's second husband was pretty much a full-blown alcoholic and fairly heavy smoker. She had to use an inhaler a lot of times. He got puller over by law enforcement a number of times for DUI, ended up having to go to AA meetings, but still continued to drink. After 17 years, my wife had no choice but divorce him. A year or so after the divorce, she found out that he had died and figured it was from his smoking and drinking. After years of drinking, my real dad died of Cirrhosis of the Liver. So, with this being said, just how does a wife, husband or other relative stop a loved one from "going to far" to where there is "no return"?
I don’t think there is one answer to what you’re asking. I was a hypnotherapist and later a master of practitioner NLP and have seen people quit smoking the first time and others never. It is not always psychosomatic and sometimes it can be a nutritional problem some mineral deficiencies cause cravings like a horse chewing on a guard rail. A child liking paint off the wall or eating something out of the kitty litter box or just plain over eating.
@Cody Fousnaugh "So, with this being said, just how does a wife, husband or other relative stop a loved one from "going to far" to where there is "no return"? As I see it, there is only one way which works with certainty: walk out. Frank
Well, after meeting that one lady who, sometimes, seemed very angry at her deceased husband, I've often wondered if there was a way to make a Loved One listen and stop. But, then again, if a Loved One absolutely won't listen to what their doctor tells them that could happen, guess the won't listen to a family member either. My mom and dad divorced when I was 6, due to his drinking. For whatever reason I never knew, they sent me to live with an Aunt and in another State and I didn't see my dad again until I was around 35. That visit lasted a very short time, because I knew, from the fact that he perferred beer over food, that the end was coming. I was never any kind of heavy drinker and a very light smoker. Today, still a light drinker and definitely don't smoke/chew/dip anymore. My wife is VERY pleased about that. Whether it's "family intervention" and/or "Doctor intervention", if the person doesn't want to stop, they just plainly won't. The words, "it's going to kill you" just doesn't seem to mean much to them. And, that's very unfortunate for the person's family!
True, the person has to want quit on their own, My poor husband was always asking me to quit smoking but I didn't, I did quit a few years after he died though....wish he could have lived to see me quit though, he would have been Very happy and proud of me....of course I was young and invincible, how I wish I could redo some of my stupider decisions.
Yes, @Chrissy Page. There are a number of things I would change back then, that I know better today. But, the Past is just that.......the Past!
My husband was a heavy smoker when I met him. At first, I tried to convince him to quit but when I saw that he was addicted to cigarettes, I had accepted that fact because I love him. Ironically, there came a time when I was even the one who was buying his cigarettes. He always buy by the cartons, that's 10 packs with each pack having 20 sticks of cigarette. He could finish a pack in a day. Whenever people would ask why I don't try to stop him with his vice, I would just say that my husband knows it better than I do. Fortunately, it was a stroke of luck when he suddenly quit without a warning. That was a day in 2007 when he experienced gas pains that scared him because it was causing him heartburn. He thought it was heart attack so he made a deal with God that he would quit. And he did, very successful in the fulfillment of his promise to God that he had his cigarettes and lighter for a month without touching it just to prove that he has the will power. After a month, that's the time he gave away his cigarettes and lighter. I was witness to that.
Well you can encourage and support, but bottom line the person has to make the decision for themselves. Just with weight loss the person has to be willing to want to, and want to do it for themselves, you can only play a supporting role, until the make the decision that it is right ofr them. I hope that the person will make the change, as it is frequently important.
@Cody Fousnaugh "The words, "it's going to kill you" just doesn't seem to mean much to them." I've mulled this one over all my life. I rationalized bad habits away by considering the time element known to likely cause damage, and based whether I mended my ways or not, on that consideration. Specifically, it was when I was in my late 20s, and my wife and I ate a prime rib dinner as many as 5 times a week at a nice restaurant near us. She disliked spending the money. I considered the then common warnings about consuming animal fats, cholesterol, atherosclerosis, heart attack, the whole bit. My rationale was that some accidental occurrence could easily happen which would kill me much earlier than such natural cause, so weighed the benefit of gluttonous behavior which produced calm satiation and feeling of well-being against deprivation of the natural instinct driving my gluttony, which I believed would hurt me more in the short term. Back then, routine physical exam. for some minor illness red-flagged my blood pressure. My Doc measured it a 2nd. time after asking me to just calmly sit still for 20 minutes; it did fall, apparently enough to satisfy him, though he warned me to track it in the future. I first began BP meds ten years later. But, here I am talking a kind of bad personal habit not exactly as driven as smoking, drinking, or drug use. I "smoked" 2 Swisher Sweet cigars once, playing cards at home with my buddies. "Smoked" = drew smoke into only my mouth. Lungs surely would not tolerate such abuse, I convinced myself. Never touched a cigarette in my entire life. Alcohol? Let's avoid that one for another time! Frank
Hi Frank: Peter here. The guy behind the little story revolving around JFK and JPG&R. Writing you because a fellow member commented on my story with this remark: "Your writing style reminds me of another member, Frank Sanoica." Or words quite to that effect. So, I wanted to look you up and see if I could discern the 'alleged' similarity so evident to the aforementioned person who apparently thinks so. Having just read you piece above ... yeah, I can see why she may have said what she said. Intelligent but, at the same time very conversational feel. With a slight facetious undertone. Succinct. Yet packed with nuance. Or, maybe it's just me ... In any event ... nice 'meeting' you - if this message could indeed be counted as such. Peter {Gaetano is my middle name}
Funny, back some 30 years ago, when I'd tell a smoker how much I smoked (pack and 1/2 a week), they would say to me "I wouldn't even call you a smoker, not when I smoke the same amount in a day or less." Also, back then, if I met/dated a gal that didn't smoke, I would't smoke around her. Never had a problem doing that. So, being that I only smoked when by myself or around other smoker's, I did have anyone ask me to totally stop. When I got into rodeo, I stopped smoking, but started using chew/dip. I was doing Skoal when I met my wife and it didn't bother her at all that I was using that. But, like smoking, I didn't do that much. Two weeks after buying a can, I'd still have half a can left. My horse shoer would go thru a can of Copehagen in a day! After feeling some "tingling" in my lower lip, wife and I decided it was time for me to stop. That was in Oct 2005. Some people don't have to be pushed into stopping a bad habit that could lead to death, because they don't do it enough to have it hard to stop.