Our family is getting smaller every year and we are spread out or not close personally. My niece lives about five miles from us and she has invited us for Thanksgiving dinner with her husband and three daughters. I love her and her family and I think I need to have that family feeling of the holiday. The problem is my niece is a slob when it comes to cleaning her house. In fact she never does her house is awful. My germaphobe son won't set foot in it. I don't have the room for them to come here even though I don't think my brother her dad would come anyway. He's not in good health and it is her dad so I couldn't ask her to come without him. He shakes so bad that he won't eat in public any more so eating out is not an option either. I guess we will just spend another holiday in isolation unless some of you very wise people can think of something I haven't thought of.
I'm the same as your son so not much help, unless he's old enough to join someone else for Thanksgiving ......... Its a shame if you want to go
I couldn't/wouldn't go and I know, without a doubt, my wife wouldn't. Actually, I just asked her, and read your posting to her. She said "at our age, we can't take the chance on any germs getting to our health, so, no, we wouldn't go." When I asked her how to explain it to the daughter why we weren't coming she said "I'd tell her the house is just too dirty." If she gets upset over that, so be it. Actually, being in "isolation" isn't so bad. Thanksgiving has just been wife and I since moving here in '09. Just can't afford flying to Calif. to be with wife's family. We have boat repairs/maintenance that nobody in the family has.
Chris this is a really difficult one, and I'm not going to be much help. I'm a complete germophobe myself so I understand anyone getting the heebies about visiting a dirty house. However I hear your cry for visit with family whom you love as well... You only mentioned your son as the one who doesn't want to visit, I'm presuming you're quite happy to go... ...so could you not have a thanksgiving dinner for your little family the day before or day after at your home ...and you go and visit your niece with your husband or by yourself for thanksgiving dinner on the day...... You could always tell a white lie and say the others have a cold or something and didn't want to pass it on to the kids
Holly.......the way he talks about his niece's cleaning habits, yes, he'd be around family, but to have to SEE how she keeps the house? Even being around family isn't the way I'd want to spend Thanksgiving.
Question is, does your niece know how you feel about her dirty house? No matter the outcome, people just have to be totally honest with a family member about how they feel about something.
I don't like the way she keeps her place and wish she wasn't so lazy. My house is not sterile by any means but it is not anywhere close to as nasty as hers. I guess It for me is just a wish that things were different.
When I moved here I had this fantasy in my head about being close to family again. My mom was here and both my brothers as well my husband still being with me. Since then I have lost my mom,one brother and my husband. Like I said we get smaller every year.
Cody...chris is a lady... and she has said already she's well aware of how dirty the house is, but loves her niece and the family and would like to spend some family time at thanksgiving....so I can't think of any other solution for her unfortunately if it was me I wouldn't go to the house at all....I'd arrange for them to meet at a restaurant or something, but Chris has already said her brother..(her nieces' father) has a phobia about eating out.
Guess you'd better break the "reality" news to her! People who care about cleanliness will look at the house.
@Chris Ladewig Well my option would be to accept the invitation from your Niece, then show up early to lend a "helping" hand in cleaning up the areas that bother you the most. I don't know your Niece's situation, or how old her kids are, whether she works outside the home, etc. but maybe there are reasons she just doesn't have the time to keep her home up to everyone else's standards ... or maybe even her own. At any rate, I find everyone needs a little help now and then...and at Holiday time if your Niece is preparing all the food and inviting everyone to a meal she could use a helping hand with that and whatever else she just doesn't have time to do. I'd hate to see anyone missing Family time with the ones they care about just because there's a little dirt or messiness to put up with. Maybe for Christmas a nice gift for your Niece and her Family would be a gift card for a cleaning service like "Merry Maids" etc. Whatever you decide to do...have a blessed Thanksgiving!
I think that @Holly Saunders suggestion might work out the best, @Chris Ladewig . You could tell your son that you have both been invited to your niece's house for Thankgiving, and see what he says, but assuming that he probably will object to going. If he does, then let him know that you are going to go there and spend the day with the only family that you have left, and he can either go along, or stay home. Even if he doesn't want to go along, he will know that he was invited. Making a special Thanksgiving dinner for that weekend for the two of you would be a great option, too. That way you and your son can still have the special dinner together, and you can also go to your niece's home and spend time with your family there. I think that it would be a shame for you to miss out on spending time with your brother, especially since you have already lost several of your loved ones, and since his health is not good, this might be your last chance to spend quality time with him, and I believe that you would regret it if you don't go , and this was your last chance to see him. I let the germs worry about themselves, and to me, seeing a loved one is way more important than if a house is clean or not.
I'm a neat freak but not a germaphobe...I usually dont care what others people's houses look like as long as mine is clean. I'd go there for Thanksgiving and as long as there aren't animals climbing near food I'd be okay. Maybe you can all chip in a little and get someone to clean up...it's not outrageous and if a few people do it's then it not much at all.