Do what you want, but family or not, we wouldn't go! The lady needs to know, and act on it, that there are people that like to be in a nice/clean home for Thanksgiving. Sorry, but some of you who are giving advice, are being way to "nice" towards this niece.
Family trumps all in my life. Thankfully I'm lucky that everyone in my family is clean but even if they weren't I'd still choose them. You're not going to die from a dirty house....but you could end up all alone in your old age with nobody. I'm not going for the food at Thanksgiving, I'm going to be with family. I can have turkey whenever I want at home. It's easy to talk when someone still has a spouse but the time will come when you might not...would you rather sit home alone then be with a relative you like?
I think that depends on what you see is the "issue" here, @Cody Fousnaugh . Obviously, what you see as the problem is having to go to someone's messy house, and would not go yourself . However, what it seemed to me like Chris was saying is that she DOES want to go there for Thanksgiving dinner, but her son, who has moved in with her, does not want to go. So, then the issue is not about the housekeeping, it is about the son not wanting to go along with her, and should she go ahead and spend the day with her family anyway. The son is an adult, he is invited to go along if he wants to, and if he chooses not to go, that is fine, too; but it is not a reason for Chris not to be able to spend the holiday the way she wants to do it, and enjoy family that she seldom gets to spend time with. The niece has the option of having whatever kind of house she wants, and people can decide whether the messy house is an obstacle to visiting there or not. If there are health concerns, then not going is an obvious choice.
That is my thoughts exactly , @Chrissy Cross ! Family trumps everything with me, too. Well said, and I agree completely. We never know how long we will have any of our loved ones, and time together is precious.
Don't agree! And, BTW, she first starting talking about her niece and then added another person to her feelings. One thing for sure, when family members don' t necessarily get along, "family first" is not a priority. Anyway, if she wants to "give in" to her niece...... go for it.
I don't see at as giving in to her niece....her neice isn't going to change. I think she loves her neice and other family members. Sometimes we have to overlook things we don't like...it's her niece's choice and she's happy the way she is.
I think you've misread the post Cody...one of the first things Chris said was that she loved her niece and her family...and would love to spend time with her, but her son, is the one who refuses to go to the nieces house because it's so dirty, so she's trying to respect HIS feelings as well as thinking she would like to spend some time with her neice and family over the holidays even tho' she knows the house is a mess!!. She even said she'd invite them to her house but it's too small...so it's nothing to do with not 'getting along' with family it's simply a problem with the state of the house..
Ok, whatever. We just wouldn't go to a family members house to enjoy a nice Thanksgiving dinner and have to see how dirty it was. And, it's obvious that the niece doesn't care what anyone thinks of how she lives.
@Chris Ladewig , I have a similar situation in my family. My sister, bless her heart, is never going to win the Good Housekeeping award. But, you know what? They live in it all the time and seem to be reasonably healthy. I decided a long time ago that if they live in it all the time and it doesn't hurt them, it surely won't hurt me to eat there once in a while. As for showing up early and helping her clean, that would make me as mad as a wet setting hen if I were her. Tell your son that you are going and he can root hog or die poor. Is McDonald's open on Thanksgiving?
Helping another woman out with her housework can be a touchy situation, and the attitude with which the help is offered makes all of the difference, usually. My mother-in-law was an immaculate housekeeper, and anytime she came to our house, she would start cleaning things; but it seemed like it was done with more of a critical eye than with simply wanting to help out. I have tried to avoid that with my sons' wives, and always just ask what I can do to help out with something, and then did whatever they suggested When we had thanksgiving meals, and the family came to our house, my two daughters-in-law were as different as night and day. One would come in, take off her coat, look for something to snack on, and plop herself down in front of the TV. After dinner, she napped, and never offered to help with cleanup at all, or even bothered to watch her daughter, who was about 6-7 at the time. My other DIL would always be right there asking if she could help out, and the same thing with the cleanup afterwards, and it was the kind of help that was appreciated, and done with a kind spirit. I think that @Chris Ladewig would know the best way to offer to help out the niece without making her feel bad, and it might be that she is just overwhelmed with taking care of her family plus her ailing father, and a job besides, and the help would be a welcome thing to her niece.
Ok, I have changed my feelings about your situation! The lady has two kids, works a full-time job and father, who lives there also, is pretty ill. "Full Plate" the lady has, but am wondering about her husband (if she is married) and his roll in this. I now feel if she really wants to go, and can mentally TRY and handle the messy house, she should go. But, if the decision is to go, this lady shouldn't complain to anyone on how the home looks. She really wants to go, and goes, simply handle the way the home looks. Good Luck to you!!
Agree with all the posts after mine Chris obviously wants to go and she should. The son can make his own decision, a meal together the day before is a good solution Hope all works out for you Chris