I didn’t think I would use a diary after my last attempt, it seemed to just contain pain. So I ended up shutting up and walking away from it, and two years later, I find that was a good decision. But without a spouse with which to discuss the merits, or the lack of, whatever ideas that pop into my head at any given moment, I now find I have no one to bounce my thoughts around with. I’ve always had ideas, and Michael was always the voice of reason. So I’ve decided to see if I can use this nitch in SOC as a depository for my wonderings. Hence the “Wonder” part of my moniker. For awhile now, I’ve been trying to sort through all the changes that arise from everything in my life flip-flopping in what seems like overnight. Yes grief is always a part of it. No matter the circumstances of the lifestyle change, there is always the loss to get through. But we do. And yes, life does go on, but I now find wading through the, “do’s/don’t’s, should/shouldn’t’s, how’s/why’s”/when’s/ where’s”, of things that cross my mind harder to keep in balance. So in the future, please kind people remember that I’m only “a wondering” about whatever again.
Riji is getting bored living in Izzy’s old wire travel crate, but until I’m sure Izzy understands he’s not to be eaten, that is the way things will remain. So far all I see is an unafraid Riji teasing a very curious Izzy. So I figure a little controlled visitation is the best way to for them to become friends. (Remember Izzy caught and killed a rabbit a year ago, and he presented It to me as a gift.) I’m yucky today. No good reason. I just woke up that way. So I’m not going to do a dang thing this whole day. I don’t even want to think up an excuse. Tomorrow is different, but today it’s blah.
Here's my ramblings for today. As a single father,grand father and great grand father I am pleased that I will be able to host Thanksgiving Dinner for most of my family in a private dining room at the new facility that I will move into on November 3rd.
Pickles is a killer, I'd have to do the same with a kitty. I have blah days, as a matter of fact today is one.
Ina good to deep six the diary special if it was full of painful memories. What ever your mind concentrates on gets bigger and what you ignore goes away. If you concentrates on the good thing in life you will find you have more of it.
@Lon Tanner, what an exciting day you have coming up this next holiday. Best of all, no dishes to clean up. @Chrissy Cross I know you get the yucky days too. Of course everyone gets bad days, but it’s a different kind of yucky. Its an alone kind of thing. But then there is always tomorrow. So true @Martin Alonzo. But it wasn’t a bad diary, it just contained much of my bewilderment in the early aftermath of my son and husband’s deaths. So that diary served me well at such a time when I had no one here to listen to, or them to me. But yes, we all must move on.
I think emotional pain can teach us much about ourselves and others. All through my many years, loss has been my greatest teacher. How we deal with these losses eventually tell us who we’ve become, and that is of value to me. It’s a starting place for me. It is now time for me to move on, and it is frightening to let go of the familiar. Even letting go of the near painful past is scary because it was what I knew. I know my future must be a totally new one, and that is really unsettling.
Past mistakes can be made good by learning from them ... just don't go there again ... and try to see the funny side of your mistake even if others can't . .
Yes I do have a well developed sense of humor, and I’ll laugh at myself as much as anything. But my brain wander off to other things. I was watching the news earlier, and there was someone saying something about the advances of our war machines. Then the thought that the future didn’t look too welcoming from what I was seeing, and then I remembered that the media can sway a person’s perspective. This got me to wondering why we don’t hear about the good things our grand and greatgrand children have to look forward to. I wonder if we started a thread, that spoke of how the world would/could be a better place for the coming generations, just how many things we could find to support the theory of a better future to come. Remember, this thread is about the ramblings that run around Ina’s mind. It is also 3:45am., and I can’t sleep.
@Ina I. Wonder ... have been up since 3:30. alarm went off for hubby to get up. Yawn, I hate being awake so early. A Thread about the good of the future for grandkids....sorry, do not see anything great for them in the future. Maybe I just feel in pessimistic mood, since it is so early.
I guess I’m an optimist, or I want to be. If there are no wonderful things for our offsprings to look forward to, then just what the heck are we doing anything for? I mean, it’s not the earth fault we aren’t happy, if we aren’t. We must be doing some things to make living worthwhile . Either that, or we are a very selfish species, I’m going to start looking for those reasons, and I’d like to see what some of you can come up with too. Nothing good comes from only seeing the bad. I admit I have been just as guilty of being a pessimist as anyone, and maybe it’s the very reason I need look for the other view of the future.
I'm sleepy too, woke up 2:30 am! Have to leave soon for an 8 am eye appt. it's on one of the busiest streets in Fresno and it will be rush hr and barely light out. Ugh. Will be in a better mood when I return....hopefully.