A couple of days ago my husband asked me what I would like for Christmas this year. I decided instead of telling him some material things that he could buy me...that I would tell him the one thing I really wanted for Christmas this year. So I told him I really wanted him to quit smoking...and that I felt that I believed from the research I had done...that his smoking was the major cause of his vision going bad so fast. I could tell by the look on his face that he was really surprised at my request, and not to happy with it either. But it is what my heart desires...and I hope this year he will care enough about himself and me to really try to give us this gift.
I hope he can do that for you @Babs Hunt , a very difficult thing for him to do I'm sure, but if he values his own self and health as well as your concern I hope he can at least try to give you your Christmas wish. In answer to your question, yes if someone asks me what i would like for Christmas, I tell them...first taking into consideration if they're capable of providing it for me.. for example I'd like a new house, well no-one I know is going to give me that so I wouldn't ask... however if a multi Millionaire asked me, I would tell them that!!
I have "hinted" hard in the past that I would like my husband to quit smoking...and even shared the research with the terrible things smoking could do to your health with him...in the past his answer to me was always: "Thank you very much for caring." in a tone that let me know "drop the subject"...and I did. But I find I'm angry now...angry that my husband doesn't care about his vision loss enough to at least try and quit smoking. It's affecting both of us...not just him! There is so much out there now to help him quit...the fact that he won't even try any of it...makes me angry period and I'm really tired of pretending it doesn't.
I usually say nothing but sometimes I'll say an iPad or something similar. This year I think I'll want the iwatch. As for smoking, your hubby needs to quit...I know I hated people telling me to quit but it's just not good for you at all. My mom died because of emphysema and she quit smoking in her 40's. It's very rare that someone can smoke and not be affected in some way.
My husband's mother lost her vision to AMD and her breathing to emphysema too. She was a heavy smoker too. Even knowing that my husband continues to self-destruct in those same ways. And him not even trying to change this makes me feel like he doesn't care about what he is doing to him or me.
I have told him in every way I know how...and even the Doctors have touched on it with him. My telling him I want him to quit as my Christmas present is the last thing I know to do at this time.
I don’t usually ever telll anyone what i want for Christmas (or other similar occasion) . I have been thinking about this, and I don’t even remember asking my parents for anything special for Christmas when I was a kid either. We didn’t have a television, so it was not like how it went with my own children. They watched the Christmas toys commercials, and each commercial they could come to tell me that the last thing advertised was what they really wanted for Christmas. From as early as I can remember, I wanted a horse/pony, and that is really the only thing that I can remember ever asking for, and of course, that didn’t happen as a Christmas present. It just seems to me like asking for something is like telling them you want the item and you want them to buy it for you, and then it loses the essense of being a gift. As far as asking someone to change their life as a gift to you , I think that is going beyond what should be asked of someone, even when it is something that is healthy for them to do.
Unfortunately, my wife's ex-husband absolutely refused to give up both smoking and drinking. She divorced him and later, he committed suicide with pills.
I always felt that way too @Yvonne Smith...but when it is affecting my life too then I believe I do have the right to ask him to try to quit. All I can do is ask but I don't believe it's wrong to ask my spouse to try to quit something that is affecting both our lives in ways that are unhealthy and destructive to us and our marriage. I can't make him quit...but I do have the right to ask him to try to.
My wife has no problem with what I tell her I want for Christmas. I do the vacuuming, our vacuum doesn't work that good anymore, we needed a new one and..........we got a new one. There were a few other things that I both wanted and needed and we bought those things. We done the same for what she wanted/needed.
Cody, I don't plan to divorce my husband, or try to make his life miserable if he doesn't do what I asked him to try to do. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas...and I was honest and told him the truth on what I really wanted. But he has to want to give that gift first to himself and then to me. And if it never happens my heart will have some sadness, but it won't change my love for him.
But, you asking him and even bringing it up IS making both of you miserable. You already know that. If he decides that he simply won't quit, what will you do? Just how unhappy can you be and still survive your marriage? Not trying to be a "shrink", but just "telling it the way it is". He totally resists stopping and you are unhappy with his decision. I can only hope he see's your feelings. Perhaps some "Tough Love" might be helpful. Read up on Tough Love concerning non-smokers towards their smoking spouses. You are at a "standoff" with each other. Love can only go so far when it comes to a serious thing like smoking and health.