One of us I just read yesterday stated they had had no children. Introspective on this, as I worked carefully over my lifetime to prevent a pregnancy, I wondered: are any others of similar mind-set? Did any of you avoid raising a family by choice? And, if so, why? Personal questions, I know. AFAIC, I am willing to share any such secrets, as they are simply the truth, if some rather than tell of their own feelings regarding this, request to know why mine were so set up, ask away! I feared from the very early days of being married, I would make a bad parent. I had realized I saw what my own parents had endured: first-born dead at 5 weeks of age, 2nd., my sister, run off at 15, third, me, attempting to make blasting powder in the basement at 13. And, I was selfish, I knew, wondering how that wonderful, new, young wife of mine and I could continue our carefree lifestyle, faced with raising a child. After the fact, lucky we held off....... Some here will know of what I infer. Ask, and I'll explain. Frank
I had two, that was enough for me. People in our generation were made to feel obligated to have children. In today's times, that is not pushed as much. My husbands daughter, is 30 and no kids. Of Course her dad would love to have a grandchild from her,but probably not ever going to happen.She is military, and would rather cater to her dogs than children. To me realizing early on that you have no desire to raise children, is much better than having them and then wishing you had not. Having children does change you. Let's face it, some people were never meant to breed.
I had two also. When I was a young girl I wanted 6, changed my mind after giving birth. I can't imagine my life without children or the grandchildren they provided. It was and is the highlight of my life
I had three children, two sons and a daughter. One of my sons and his wife had two children. My other son and his wife & my daughter chose not to have children. I don't know why. I never asked them. I figure it's their life and they can live it they way they want to. If I could do it over, I would still have children but I'd wait ten years longer before I did. Now, @Frank Sanoica , what do you infer?
@Shirley Martin " Now, @Frank Sanoica , what do you infer? " I inferred that when I married the first time, at 23, Sue being just 18, her parents were relieved because they feared a pregnancy. They suspected pretty strongly knowing Sue was very "grown-up" both physically, but fortunately for all concerned, mentally as well. At 16 she had obtained her Cosmetology License in Germany. We were as careful as 2 young snots might know how to be. A year later, they questioned her about why she was not yet pregnant! They compared her situation to a "tree without fruit". Such were the old tradition, Polish European beliefs. We greatly enjoyed vacation trips to Vegas, California, Utah, etc., and could not imagine taking on the responsibility of raising a child. But, she did admit to having that "nesting instinct". Two years after getting married, she lost both parents. This placed upon us the decision as to whether we should take in her sister, then 11, and brother, 16, which of course, we did. Had we had a one- or two-year old child at that point would have surely made the situation worse. Frank
I had one child....2 pregnancies tho' but the second was not to be ....but as it happened I divorced when my daughter was small and raised her by myself, so at it turned out I couldn't have coped with more than one. However I've always felt guilty that my daughter doesn't have the siblings she so desperately wanted when she was little... She on the other hand has never had the maternal instinct, and now in her 40's she's still of the same mind set... My now husband of 17 years never had children with his first wife , and had the snip in his 20's because he knew he had no interest in being a parent and never would. I was shocked when he told me he'd decided so young, but he's never wavered on that decision... now in his 50's, he still feels his dodged a bullet when it comes to children.. Frank you got it wrong tho' didn't you.. bless you... you did make a good parent after all..albeit surrogate..
@Frank Sanoica ...fate or the Lord....your choice- has a way of taking care of things. When I married the second time my girls were grown. My husbsnds only child was 4 years old. I had been 'fixed ' in my late twenties by choice. He would have liked a child by me and his child wanted siblings. But as time went on we both realized how good for us that we could not reproduce. Now all three of our daughters have each other..and two are very close. So it all works out and usually for the best.
I have two children now but my fist marriage was without children as my wife could not have children she passed away we were married 14 years and my second marriage come to find she had her tubes tied and did not want children it lasted 20 years. I spent a lot of time working with children and wishing I had some of my own. By that time I was in my late 50s and the chances had decreased a lot. Moving to a third world country which age is not important I met a young lady and now we have two beautiful children together. My oldest daughter was born the same year I got my old age pension. What a life
Sometimes being a parent is by choice. More so in today’s world than in the past. In other parts of the world, having children is still a large part of society. To me it seems that countries that find education to be as important for both genders to be countries that have a better control over their populations. Our own country has only, “seen the light”, since around the time of World War 11. That’s also about the time our society began to rid itself of the stigma of higher education for women. As a small child I realized that I didn’t want to be a parent, although I did wish to become a librarian, so that I could introduce books and what they held to children. But I wasn’t given the choice. My father was the oldest of 13 children, by two people that came from old Germany. They left Germany because they felt the advancements in the education of women was against their beliefs. They never even learned to speak English. So, although I hated it, my father’s arrangement for my marriage wasn’t wrong by his standards. I was married as soon as I was 13, and a man could be found that could afford the $500 dowery, 11 months later I became a mother at 14, my second child was born when I was 16. I’m not sure how good of a mother I was. There was so much I didn’t know. Even now I feel that if the choice had been mine, I would not have had children. I wanted a lifestyle that just didn’t seem to include children. Of course I loved my sons and stepdaughters, but I always felt that I missed out on something important. I think those that choose to remain childless for whatever reason, show the respect of true parental decisions. We’ve all seen the destruction caused by people who shouldn’t have been parents.
From the time I was a little girl I knew I wanted children...so years later when an OB-GYN told me I had an undeveloped uterus and would probably never have children of my own...I was devastated. My faith though was strong and I believed that God knew my heart's desire on this and would make a way when the time was right. He did just that. First He gave me a stepson whose Mom had died...to be my first child. And then He blessed me with 3 lovely daughters from that undeveloped uterus! I never did anything to stop having children as I wanted as many as God would give me....He thought four was just right for me and I thank Him everyday for these beautiful blessings. that now have blessed me with all our wonderful grandchildren. Although I do believe everyone has the right to decide if they want children or now...for me it was a given...I wanted them and am thankful I was blessed with them.
Didn't like being a kid and didn't want to have them. I think my two brothers are nuts for having gotten married and had kids. What part of that house we grew up in made them think this was a good idea I ask myself. I have no regrets for this aspect. I'm rather isolated but never having had kids is fine with me. I don't miss them one bit.
I never had kids, not by choice, just was not meant to be. Wanted to adopt but that was not possible as my husband had two kids from a previous marriage and we were told that would go against us. I admit to feeling pangs of jealousy when others talk about their kids and grandkids. So when they show pictures I say the right things such as "what a pretty baby" or "what a cutie pie" but deep down a part of me hurts. While I do have two stepsons, one has no kids himself, and the other has a wife that has denied us visitation but we do see her husband from time to time. It works out because it's all we have.
Never wanted or felt the need to have kids .. and I find it very annoying when, after telling people that I have no children, they feel the need to know 'Why not'/ as if I'm lacking somehow and need an excuse!
@May Benot I've found many folks are like that, as you describe. Often, I detected a hint in their talk that they secretly envied one unburdened, if you will, by the need to concentrate several decades of one's life to properly raising a child. Then, too, many are simply gossips; such fills their daily needs. Frank