Using the example of someone having an affair might not have been the best example for honesty in friendship since that is no where near the so called friendship problem I am thinking about here. So I'm going to be open and honest and tell y'all that this friend that I am speaking of is a friend of both my husband and me. He is having a small problem concerning my husband's friendship with him...but instead of just being honest about this with my husband he has opened up to me about it. I told him that he needs to tell my husband how he feels about this small problems but he says he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. I told him that my husband would rather have his feelings hurt for a little while then not know the truth and have it affect their friendship in the future. I told him friends tell friends the truth especially if not doing so is going to affect their friendship. It isn't fair in my book to not be honest with a friend so the problem can be worked out and the friendship can go forward instead of stagnating or ending in resentment, etc. Friends should love each other enough to be honest with each other. I also want to say that this is a small problem that can easily be fixed if only the friend will speak up about it. I don't mind that our friend told me about it but I don't believe it's my place to tell my husband about a problem that is between the two of them and not all of us. What do you think?
Not to be in the least bit ribald @Babs Hunt, but do ya remember the last time your shorts kind of rode up where they weren’t supposed to be? I’m sure you get the picture. That which is stuck in the middle gets the dirtiest...............
Overall, I agree that friends should be honest with one another, but there are times when honesty can border on cruelty.
If it really is a little problem between two real friends it might not need to be mentioned at all. I would stay out of it.
Awww...@Bobby Cole you always have such a unique way of of putting things. Even though I have been open and honest about things I am speaking in general too. It seems like everyone is afraid to tell the one they call a friend when there is a problem between them...but they don't have a problem telling everyone else. What kind of friendship is that! Not a real one to me. I consider my five sisters to be among my best friends and we used to go on sisters' trips together. I don't go with them anymore because even though I love them all dearly I don't trust anyone of them not to hurt me again. This is basically what happened. One of my sisters got her feelings hurt over something I said to her and which she took too mean in a way I hadn't meant. For months she went behind my back telling all my other sisters how mad she was at me....but she never said a word to me about this...and neither did any of my sisters. The last trip we took together, she and I were sitting in the Condo livingroom by ourselves while everyone else was in their room since it was getting late. My sister and I weren't even really talking, I think we were both reading books or watching some movie. All of a sudden she went off on me, yelling and screaming at me and I wasn't even able to understand a word she was saying. A couple of my sisters came in then and started saying things too. I honestly had no idea what the hell was going on and thought my sister had just had a breakdown or something. Finally though after her ranting and raving quieted the real story came out how I had hurt her by what I had said months ago and which she misunderstood. If she would have just talked to me back then I would have apologized for unintentionally hurting her...but she never gave me that chance but instead shared it with all my sisters and no one let me know anything until that night I felt like they all were attacking me without me having any clue to the reason why. Once the attack was over with we did end up talking about what happened....and I apologized for hurting her and explained that the way she took what was actually said to her in an email was not meant the way she took it. I asked her why didn't she just talk to me and tell me how she was feeling instead of telling all of my sisters...and not me. She never could explain why she didn't and after that I never wanted to go on a trip with them again because I did not want to ever experience an attack like that again. I felt and still feel that even though I love my sisters I can not trust that one of them will not do that to me again instead of just being honest and talking to me if I hurt their feelings in any way. What happened changed everything for me and I will always love my sisters but the trust for me is just not there anymore.
It's a small problem now that could if not addressed....turn into a big problem and affect their friendship...and not for the better. But I don't feel it's my place to get involved in a problem that has nothing to do with me. I just hope our friend will talk to my husband so there will be no more problem at all between them.
Back when I was a teenager, I had several good friends, and we all went horseback riding together a lot. One of my friends borrowed a horse that I had because she didn’t have a horse of her own, and she was the friend that lived closest to me, so we often visited back and forth with each other. After a while, I noticed that my other two friends were not spending as much time with me, and only had short answers when we talked. Time went on, and I finally realized that those two were avoiding me, and I had no idea what was wrong. When I asked them, they both said that nothing was wrong; but it was obvious that something was. Finally, I was able to get the truth from another friend, who also went riding with us, but had not been avoiding me. She explained that the friend who lived closest to me had told the other two that I had said some really unkind things about them. Their feelings were hurt thatI would say hurtful things, so they just started avoiding me instead of coming right out and asking me why I said it. It turned out that the first friend was jealous, and was trying to alienate me from my other friends, and she had made up lies to tell them that I said. We finally got it worked out, but if either one of the two that were hurt had just come to me in the first place, it would have ended right away for everyone. We still rode together, but none of us trusted the friend who had lied after that, so it was herself that she had hurt the worst with her dishonesty.
Thank you for sharing what I know was a painful time for you too Yvonne. Even typing what happened between my sisters and me after all this time was painful for me. I have forgiven them all but I have lost something with them I just can't get back and it makes me sad to say that and know it. I still get together with my sisters but it is usually on an individual basis or when we are with others...and I just feel safer doing things that way now. And I still don't understand to this day why my sister felt she couldn't tell me she was hurt or why none of my other sisters told me either.
I absolutely know how you feel @Babs Hunt , I'm so sorry that happened to you with your sisters. I've had similar happen to me with both my sisters and a couple of friends over the years , simply because they either misheard what I said or took it the wrong way totally, and then all hell broke out ultimately.. I've even had it online with people I thought were friends, who were talking behind my back to garner friendship with those who dislike me, but ultimately it all came back to me through 3rd persons''.. it's a horrible feeling when you trust people and they let you down in such a hurtful way, rather than come right out and say what their problem is, so it can be sorted there and then, and no bad feeling!! It definitely affect the relationship one has with these people.. I'm a completely loyal person to my friends and family, but when I find they've been talking behind my back in a nasty manner for whatever reason, it just blows all trust away completely..and the relationships are never the same again.
This is true Holly...no matter how hard you try to make things the way they were before...it just never is the same. I always thought if you couldn't trust someone then you couldn't love them either but I do love my sisters and I forgave them too. But I don't trust them not to do this again so I will not put myself in any position where I think that could happen again. It just hurt to much.