My job search This is quite clever. I wonder who thinks of all this stuff. 1.My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory,but I got canned.Couldn't concentrate. 2.Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,but justcouldn't hack it,so they gave me theaxe. 3.After that, I tried being a Tailor,but wasn't suited for it,mainly because it was a sew-sew job. 4.Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory,but thatwas too exhausting. 5.Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a littlespice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme. 6.Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker,but any wayI sliced it.... I couldn't cut the mustard. 7.My best job was a Musician,but eventually foundI wasn't noteworthy. 8.I studied a long time to become a Doctor,but didn't have any patience. 9.Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in. 10.I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income. 11.Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,but the work was just too draining. 12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said Iwasn't fit for thejob. 13.After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally gota job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it. 14.My last job was working in Starbucks,but had to quit becauseit was the same old grind. 15.SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
And even MORE JOBS! I just lost my job as a psychic. I did not see that coming. I’m looking for a job where I am politely ignored and left to my own devices. With unlimited Internet access, doughnuts, and coffee. If a job’s worth doing, it’s too hard. I quit my job working for Nike. Just couldn't do it anymore. I love being a maze designer. I get completely lost in my work. I worked very hard to get to where I am in life. An unemployed university graduate. Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing. Sure I’m willing to work longer hours at work. As long as they’re lunch hours. I think my job interview to be a bug sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks. Interviewer: What’s your biggest weakness? Me: I don’t know when to quit. Interviewer: You’re hired. Me: I quit. I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it. I became a professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. I’m aspirin’ to be a chemist. I wanted to be a tree doctor but I faint at the sight of sap. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it. Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking. I applied for a job in Australia but seems I don’t have the right koalifications. I focused on being a photographer, but nothing ever developed.
It took me a minute or so to figure this one out. That's the kind of humo(u)r I like. Subtle and brain challenging.
I thought about being an undertaker but it's a dying business. Then I considered getting into the elevator business, but it's so up and down. Maybe a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman? I could really clean up!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of control