Exactly. I don't want cancer to define me (though for the past couple of weeks it has certainly been in the driver's seat.)
Thanks, John. It has taken a bit for me to accept, and even more for me to share. It's like I've been watching my life unfold and suddenly nothing is the same. For a control freak, this has been a real eye-opener. I'm sure things will return to some kind of normalcy once treatment becomes routine (6 months of chemo...ugh). It won't be the same "normal," but hopefully I'll calm down and roll with it.
@Beth Gallagher I had kind of wondered why we had not heard from you for awhile now. Of course, one's absence, especially one so well liked and admired, conjures up thoughts as dark as can be. When my new young wife, then 20, lost both her parents to a murder-suicide, I had little idea of how to handle her impossible thoughts. I saw her going to pieces, we were then married two years, and I desperately feared losing the girl I had married. So, I talked. And talked, explaining away any possible guilt she might have had, convincing her she MUST become steeled to the facts facing her, and us. It helped. But, she never returned to the soft, carefree person she was before. You, too, must "steel" yourself, somehow, and accept things as they are. I believe a good outlook is imperative, if it can be developed. As usual, my usual pragmatism drove me to writing in this manner. The PET scan you describe is THE definitive diagnosis tool. I've viewed some truly amazing scans revealing things clearly enough even for me to understand. Your PET scan was good; look at that positively. It of course goes without saying that I truly hope for the best possible outcome for you. Frank
Hiya, Frank. Thanks for your post; it's very kind and uplifting. I'm not nearly as hysterical as I was at first; seemed like the not knowing was almost worse than having cancer confirmed. Having so many diagnostic tests and the never-ending WAITING on results is absolute torture. I feel that I am in good hands at MD Anderson and I'm extremely lucky to be able to be treated there. Now that my worst fears have been realized (with a few positive results sprinkled in), I'm ready to get started with the treatment. Or at least as ready as I'll ever be. I'm having the chemo port installed in my chest Monday morning and then the real fun begins. They say I will lose my hair in about 2 weeks... ALL of it. No eyelashes, nose hair, eyebrows... nuthin'. I sat in the bathtub and cried for 20 minutes over that. Silly, but to me that's when I'll look like "Cancer Person" and kind of lose my identity. I suppose I should have known something like this was lurking in my future; I was always a little too cocky with my "good health." Now I realize how fleeting that can be, and how life really can turn on a dime. Thanks for your good wishes; it truly means a lot to me. I know you are fighting your own personal health demons and I wish the very best for you as well.
You are indeed in good hands with MD Anderson, not only because it's a perfectly respectable name, but because I was a paramedic in Texas, and have transported patients from my part of the state to MD Anderson in Houston several times. They have an excellent reputation, better than any other cancer hospital that I know of, and my experience has been that I have never transported a patient to another hospital whose reception even came close to equaling that of MD Anderson. It was like checking in with a concierge. They even insisted on feeding us lunch before we headed back to our own part of the state.
They are still ranked #1 in cancer treatment in the US, I believe. Things are a bit different during the Covid crap, but I have never experienced such precision scheduling, followup, etc. at a medical facility. The logistics are nothing short of amazing. I had FIVE appointments last Thursday, and all went like clockwork, even including an enclosed elevated shuttle ride between buildings.
Oh @Beth Gallagher that’s not good news ..however there has been huge advancements in the treatment of BC over the years Sending you a big hug all the way from Australia to let you know I’m thinking of you
Thank you so much, Kate. I love a big hug for sure. I hope your hubby is doing better since his hip injury.
Aw, Beth. I am so full of feelings for you right now but no match for what yours are. I too thought something was up when you hadn't posted for a while. I started to do a Roll Call. Just know you will be in my thoughts with continuous prayers.
I appreciate your kindness and the prayers so very much, Von. This is an ordeal for certain, but like my best friend reminded me, "EVERYONE has something to deal with," and that is so true. When I first was wailing "why me?" I finally managed to turn it into "why not me?"; no one gets a free pass in life. When I look around the waiting room at MDA, many times I'm the oldest person there. How terrible that a 23 year old woman is fighting this same fight and has barely begun to live her life. Anyway, I need to pull on my "big girl panties" and get ready to fight this as hard as I can. I'm glad many of you will be in my corner if I stumble along the way.
I think that when we have been healthy and able to do anything that we wanted for all of our life, that something like this is more of a shock than someone who has had physical problems all their life and expects things to go wrong medically. I know that when my heart first went bad, I was overwhelmed, because I literally went from being able to ride horseback, work hard every day, and walk for several miles with my dog at night after work, and then not even being able to walk out the driveway to get my mail anymore. I am glad that you have good doctors who’ve will be helping you to deal with this, @Beth Gallagher . There are also food changes that can help fight cancer, if you look online for those. Many years ago, Adele Davis had a book about how vitamin C can literally kill cancer cells. She said that you have to start with a few grams a day, and then work up to more, because if you kill too many of the cancer cells at one time, that could poison you and make you worse. Cancer cells only feed on sugar, so a low-carbohydrate diet might help kill cancer cells, too. While I depend on my heart doctors to take care of me, I also feel like I am responsible to do everything that I can do to help live a better life with a malfunctioning heart, so I am always searching for new information.